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Chatham-Chick
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Member since 5/05 10311 total posts
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by nov04libride
I didn't, but I have read studies where those that LTBM are more likely to never get married. I see it with my cousin--she's lived with her BF for 6 years. Now, she does all her wifely duties, without the ring, and he's in no hurry if he ever proposes. It's become almost a joke at family functions cause each time they say, "maybe next Xmas," and it never is.
Maybe your cousin doesn't want to get married?
Some people are quite content just living together.
Does being "married" make them more committed to one another?
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Posted 3/15/06 1:02 PM  |
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dpli
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Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
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D
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Out of curiousity, for those who didn't cohabitate with their SO before getting married...how old were you when you got married?
37 - and I think that is a HUGE part of why we didn't live together before marriage.
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| Posted 3/15/06 1:03 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Out of curiousity, for those who didn't cohabitate with their SO before getting married...how old were you when you got married?
I was 28.
I never saw me "throwing away rent" with us living on our own.
I didn't want to move in with him just to save money (that's why I had a roommate) and I didn't feel I needed to move in with him to get to know him.
Therefore- we had a quick engagement (7 months) so we could then live together.
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| Posted 3/15/06 1:08 PM |
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andri
LIF Infant
Member since 11/05 241 total posts
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Out of curiousity, for those who didn't cohabitate with their SO before getting married...how old were you when you got married?
I was just thinking the same thing.
We lived together for 2 yrs before getting married.. shortly after moving in,we became engaged. For us it was a normal & natural step being that we both work long hours & we lived an hour away from each other.
*** The biggest factor being*** we were both in our 30's..owned our own homes,had our careers & finances in gear. No one from either family blinked an eye! Maybe because of our age,maybe because this was my 2nd marriage...
I personally think its fine either way...everyone has to do what they see as fit & comfortable for their individual situation.
As for divorce rate... believe me, as someone who was divorced..if I lived with my EX beforehand ( which I did not )
THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD HAVE MARRIED THIS MAN not because we "weren't in love enough" but because I was too blinded by love to see who I was really marrying- a non productive,lying,cheater!
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| Posted 3/15/06 1:21 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by paulandles912
Posted by Sassyz75
I personally just don't think there is a reason for it and there is no statistical proof that it makes marriages last anyway.
How about you just want to? For us it made sense because we spent all of our non-work time together anyway. We were both 30, both had already lived on our own for years and it felt silly to throw away $1000 a month in rent when I wasn't staying in my apartment.
Now if I were younger and still living at home with my parents I might not have...
That's fine.
but wasn't this thread about reasons behind why people didn't live together before hand? Not why they did? You cannot ask for someone's opinions on something and then say no.
I am trying to explain how I feel about this being someone in the minority these days who didn't cohabitate prior to marriage.
I'm not trying to push my point of view just explaining how I feel.
if people are going to get defensie about their decisions- then don't ask why people picked the opposite decision.
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| Posted 3/15/06 1:21 PM |
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PiyoPika566
talk to the hand
Member since 5/05 1436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by Sassyz75
Posted by paulandles912
Posted by Sassyz75
I personally just don't think there is a reason for it and there is no statistical proof that it makes marriages last anyway.
How about you just want to? For us it made sense because we spent all of our non-work time together anyway. We were both 30, both had already lived on our own for years and it felt silly to throw away $1000 a month in rent when I wasn't staying in my apartment.
Now if I were younger and still living at home with my parents I might not have...
That's fine.
but wasn't this thread about reasons behind why people didn't live together before hand? Not why they did? You cannot ask for someone's opinions on something and then say no.
I am trying to explain how I feel about this being someone in the minority these days who didn't cohabitate prior to marriage.
I'm not trying to push my point of view just explaining how I feel.
if people are going to get defensie about their decisions- then don't ask why people picked the opposite decision.
I started this thread not asking WHY people don't LTBM, but rather why some people think it's "bad" to LTBM and are proud of the fact that they didn't.
Either way, it's a very personal decision, nothing should be considered "bad" just cuz someone doesn't do what you do, doesn't mean it is wrong.
FH and I didn't move in together because we want to save money, we didn't move in together to learn about each other, we dated for 4 yrs before we moved in, we know each other plenty well, but we wanted to live together and share our lives together regardless of the marriage license.
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| Posted 3/15/06 1:30 PM |
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paulandles912
My children are a blessing!
Member since 5/05 2598 total posts
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Leslie
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by Sassyz75
[That's fine.
but wasn't this thread about reasons behind why people didn't live together before hand? Not why they did? You cannot ask for someone's opinions on something and then say no.
I am trying to explain how I feel about this being someone in the minority these days who didn't cohabitate prior to marriage.
I'm not trying to push my point of view just explaining how I feel.
if people are going to get defensie about their decisions- then don't ask why people picked the opposite decision.
As already clarified, that was not the point of this thread. And I'm not defensive at all. Just wanted to live with DH prior to marriage and did!
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| Posted 3/15/06 1:36 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
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Me
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Posted by nov04libride
I didn't, but I have read studies where those that LTBM are more likely to never get married. I see it with my cousin--she's lived with her BF for 6 years. Now, she does all her wifely duties, without the ring, and he's in no hurry if he ever proposes. It's become almost a joke at family functions cause each time they say, "maybe next Xmas," and it never is.
Maybe your cousin doesn't want to get married?
Some people are quite content just living together.
Does being "married" make them more committed to one another?
Oh she definitely does, he's the one that doesn't. She's already planning the wedding without a ring! She does all stuff to I think have him see her in a "wife" way (making elaborate dinners every night, doing all his laundry, moving when his job changes), but he does not want the marriage part (at least not yet).
I think married made me feel more committed to one another. I know Susan Sarandon makes it work without being married, but having our names on a marriage license and sharing names definitely makes me feel we are genuinely more a family. That's just me though...When I first got engaged we were debating eloping, and my mom said to me that there are several milestones in life--graduations, wedding, babies--and you should celebrate those with those you care about too recognize entering into such important life phases. And that made sense to me. I wanted it official, and I wanted everyone there for it.
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| Posted 3/15/06 1:38 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
DH and I lived together before marriage and got engaged a year later and married a year after that. We were 26 when we moved intogether, 27 when enganged and 28 when we got married.
We had a lot of support to live together before marriage. In fact, my mom said she would be upset if we DIDN"T live together before. My sister and BIL also lived together before marriage.
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| Posted 3/15/06 1:40 PM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
we got engaged and bought a house soonafter and moved into it together
i think my parents would have been upset had we not been engaged and if we were just renting an apartment as boyfriend and girlfriend.
however, we bought the house and are engaged.
what can they say? they cant expect us to split the mortgage while one of us doesnt live there so they acted happy for us and supportive. i did not get one comment about us living together before the wedding.
im glad we did this before the wedding - the first couple months took some adjusting
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| Posted 3/15/06 4:18 PM |
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GenLCSW
Baby # 3 is here!!!
Member since 7/05 21138 total posts
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Genna
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
We lived together when we got engaged...it was the best thing to do. It was on less thing to "adjust" to when getting married!
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| Posted 3/15/06 4:41 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
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Dina
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Out of curiousity, for those who didn't cohabitate with their SO before getting married...how old were you when you got married?
We were both 25 when we were married. However, we both lived in our own apartments for a few years before being married.
Message edited 3/15/2006 4:54:08 PM.
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| Posted 3/15/06 4:53 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Another spinoff to living together before marriage...
Posted by dpli
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Out of curiousity, for those who didn't cohabitate with their SO before getting married...how old were you when you got married?
37 - and I think that is a HUGE part of why we didn't live together before marriage.
34 & 40 (He's 40)
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| Posted 3/15/06 4:56 PM |
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