Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I know exactly how you feel...

When I was 16 my dad, started to go out on "a friends boat" every weekend, and not come home, or come home real late..

This started my mom on a snooping rampage (they say always go with your gut instinct for a reason) Well to this day I remember exactly what I was doing (getting dressed and getting ready to go to the beach with DH) when my mom kicked down my door, screaming a blood curdling scream...(I truely thought someone was dead) She had found pictures, of my dad @ MArdi Gra (he was there for the military- policing the parade) with other women (Yep- he was that stupid, to bring pictures into their home) My mom went nuts, I think she broke every plate in the house...

From that day on she continued to investigate and found more and more things.... I cant tell you how many times I would come home to his stuff being all over the front lawn...

My mom went into a severe depression, over this... totally changed who she was.... She choose to stay (they did go to counseling, but in their situation, it didnt do anything) w/o the trust, and literally drove herself crazy over this (Im talking suicidal)

My dad on the other hand, changed so much for the better... I truthfully dont think he stopped his affairs right away, but when he saw how much this hurt his family, he def. stepped up to the plate (my dad was very quiet, and really wasnt the "family man") he ended up being a better father because of it...

Now today, my dad is away, and my mom has gotten help and is on medicince for her depression, overall things have gotten substantially better... but there will always be that piece of trust missing.... In my parents situation, it prob would've been best if they split up.... because my mom cant get passed the past, and my dad cant keep having his mistakes thrown in his face...

Since my dad is now in Iraq- and they've had time apart, I guess we'll see if distance made the heart grow fonder...


Things like this are ALWAYS hard on the kids, no matter what age they are... So I completly understand your pain... and am here if you wanna talk...


Just be there for your mom... times like these can make or break someone

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I am so sorry!!!

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what I'd say or what I'd do.

I had an ex-boyfriend who went through something similar with his Dad. He was a big "tough guy" but if he ever saw his Dad (on the train, they lived in the same town) he would literally run into the next car or let that train pass and he'd take a different one. He was definitely emotionally scarred by the experience and he was 24 when it happened. When he first explained the situation to me he would cry and cry over what his Dad did.

It must be incredibly painful and shocking to deal with right now. I hope with time your family will be better able to come to terms with it.

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I am so sorry

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I'm very sorry, I wish I had some advice for you.

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I'm sorry. Hang in there!

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

My sister called me during dinner tonight to say that my father is all ****** off at my mom for telling us yesterday. Meanwhile he knew that she was going to speak with us, if it were going to be such a big issue he should have made it BEFORE she spoke with us and not after.

He said that now we've only heard one side of the story and he wasn't able to defend himself. I think there is nothing to defend! No matter how much of a pain in the neck my mom can be at times she didn't do anything to deserve being cheated on! She is the most innocent, naive, kindhearted woman in the world!!! She would never do anything even remotely comprable to my father!!

And he is saying that since we are the children that out of respect we have to contact him first if we want to speak with him and work out our issues that we are having with him. That he shouldn't have to call us because he is the father.

***!!! We didn't do anything wrong to him! We shouldn't have to call him first!!

This is just more proof that he put this woman before his ENTIRE family. It means more to him to remain in an authoritative position, meanwhile he hasn't been that way towards us in YEARS and meanwhile he has 3 small grandchildren that he is giving up seeing because he feels we should be the ones to make the first move.

Does he realze that the more of an @sshole he is during this period, the more it is going to take for him to regain all of our trust???

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. Your dad needs to "Wake up" and realize he's wrong..not your mom!

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I'm sorry. It sounds like he's really far gone. In my expeirence and in speaking to other people who have been through this, it seems like these men seriously just lose it at some point. He's not acting rationally. HE is the dad, he should make the contact with YOU and apologize to you for disrespecting your mother and your family and for the pain he's caused you.

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I'm sure this is very painful for you - and for that I am truly sorry.

I know this isn't really what you want to hear right now but I don't think your mom is perfectly innocent. There was no reason she should have told you that your father was having an affair & all of the gory details. As children (albeit ADULT children), you should not be privy to the details in your parents private life. I think she was wrong to involve you. As for hearing one side of the story, your dad is actually right on this one. But in order to hear his side, what is he supposed to tell you about your mom? Do you really want to hear the details in their marriage & what lead him to cheat on your mom? She's left him no choice except to divulge things that (and really I mean no offense here) are none of your business.

I do know what it is like to be in your position. I also know that many affairs start from circumstance. While truly horrible for the family, I actually understood the loneliness & sadness that lead to this in my family. I was able to forgive - and while not forget - make peace with the situation. I truly hope you can do the same - whether you can actually make peace with your father or at least come to some understanding about what lead him to it even if you don't agree.

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

I'm sorry
i know how you feel.
I've gone through similar issues with my dad.
Please keep in mind thought that parents don't ever deliberately try to hurt their children - and that you being hurt is just an unfortunate by-product of the whole situation.
I agree with the above poster that really your mother shouldn't have given you those gory details. You maybe just need to sit down with your dad face-to-face- and just tell him, honestly, how you feel- he deserves to hear it from you and you deserve to get it off your chest.

Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through all this