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AnotherAnon
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 7 total posts
Name:
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Bad news...long-UPDATE
I apologize for the anon post but I don't know if I'm willing to share this with everyone yet. I found out something horrible tonight. My sister called me to tell me that my mom wants to all meet there this weekend to talk to us -- me and my two sisters. I was freaking out thinking it was something with my mom or dad's health because my mom has had a lot of problems over the past 10 years or so, and my sister finally broke down and told me what has been going on.
Apparently my dad has been having an affair on my mom since January and my mom caught him this weekend when she opened thier credit cards and there were $2500 in jewlery charges that he spent while taking his girlfriend on a shopping spree.
It is really messed up when you go back and retrace things over the last few months. My dad has completely betrayed my mother and it is absolutely disgusting to me. My mom believes that marriage is for better or worse but is having a hard time dealing with this. My father outright has been lying to her and he said it was just for sex which even makes it worse, it is just so horrible.
I don't even know if I can ever trust or look at my dad again. My mom certainly has her issues andshe's a pain in the neck sometimes but she is an amazing woman. I always thought my parents had a perfect relationship because they travel so much together, seem so much in love, and have been together for 35 years.
I can't believe he would do this to my mom and our family.
Message edited 4/9/2006 10:08:04 AM.
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Posted 4/5/06 10:20 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
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Re: Bad news...long
I am sorry to hear this!
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:21 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:21 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm sorry your family is going through this.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:21 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Bad news...long
I am so sorry!
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:22 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
I am so sorry
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:22 PM |
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Re: Bad news...long
I am so sorry you have to go through this.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:22 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm so so sorry. I know how you feel. I've been going through the same thing for the past year or more. It's really awful. EVERYONE always thought my parents had the perfect relationship..married 32 years, always together, and then....well you know the rest. And there's always so much to add insult to injury.
try to realize that what you're feeling toward your dad is normal and ok. You've had quite a shock, and it was a horrible thing he did, so you have every right to feel anger, sadness and mistrust. Everyone is going to have all kinds of opinions for you, but you have to decide how it's right for you to proceed when you're ready.
I'm here any time you want to talk.
Message edited 4/5/2006 10:27:07 PM.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:23 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Bad news...long
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:23 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: Bad news...long
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:25 PM |
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AnotherAnon
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 7 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
How do you deal with it? Can you even look your father in the face?
WHen my husband and I got married I thought I had such a good idea of what a perfect marriage should be like because my praents always seemed to have a great relationship and so did his. Now I'm doubting and questioning everything that I've known my whole life.
And my dad had such issues when we were little. My mom put up with SO much because he is a bad alcoholic and it was so bad when we were little. She raised 2 kids from his 1st marriage who had so many problems because of emotional stuff with thier biological mom. I mean, seriously, my mom has moved my father's world for him. I can't believe he would do this to her ... and then I think of other close "friends" he;s had over the years through work and I'm just questioning everything now! I don't know if I can even see him any time soon because I'd probably rip him to shreds.
How do you deal with it? I love him but this is just so bad!
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:26 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Bad news...long
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My dad this the same to my mom after 26 years of marriage. My dad & mom divorced and he is shacking up with the hussy that broke up their marriage. They are supposedly "engaged" but there is no ring and no date set. 
I am so sorry this is happening to your family, it is a horrible thing to go through. Especially when your parents have been together for so long.
Hang in there.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:29 PM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
Wow, this happened to me when I was 15. I was in SHOCK! I just couldn't believe it! I am now 30 and my parents were able to work it out, but it was a painful process that left scars on the entire family. That incident, I think shaped us for the future.
I am really sorry. The one thing I think you may have an advantage over is your age. I am assuming you are in your 20s or 30s and have a life of your own. I think this in itself will help because you have a husband, career, friends and you are more mature than I was.
The hardest thing for me was living day to day with my mom and dad and the painful process.
My mom would get so mad at my dad and the rage was just so insane at times.
If you need to talk, let me know. FM anytime.
Message edited 4/5/2006 10:32:22 PM.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:31 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Bad news...long
Posted by AnotherAnon
How do you deal with it? Can you even look your father in the face?
WHen my husband and I got married I thought I had such a good idea of what a perfect marriage should be like because my praents always seemed to have a great relationship and so did his. Now I'm doubting and questioning everything that I've known my whole life.
And my dad had such issues when we were little. My mom put up with SO much because he is a bad alcoholic and it was so bad when we were little. She raised 2 kids from his 1st marriage who had so many problems because of emotional stuff with thier biological mom. I mean, seriously, my mom has moved my father's world for him. I can't believe he would do this to her ... and then I think of other close "friends" he;s had over the years through work and I'm just questioning everything now! I don't know if I can even see him any time soon because I'd probably rip him to shreds.
How do you deal with it? I love him but this is just so bad!
For me, things got worse and worse as we found out more and more of his lies and the thing he's done to hurt us, so my decision was easy. I don't speak to my dad. He tried calling me, I didn't pick up, I left him messgaes and told him to stop, he sent me cards, they got "return to sender." I've caught a lot of flack for it, but it's my decision. I don't want anything to do with him. I've seen him a few times in court, and people have run into him on the train and at the doctor's office. None of us want anything to do with him and I can't look at him the same way and I never ever will as long as I live. It's going to take time for you to sort everything out. Maybe your dad will come around and apologize and eventually you can have a relationship. Maybe you'll decide you're better off without him. You really have to just see how it unfolds and try to be there for your mom. My situation was similar, with my mom putting up with so much and sacrificing so much for my dad and then she just did that to her.
It really does call EVERYTHING into question doesn't it? I knew my parents, like all couples, had problems in their marriage, but I always admired the strength they had to stick it out for so many years and work on it. Then my dad threw everything away. It definitely changed things for me, but you have to tell yourself that you and DH are not your parents... DH is NOT your dad, and I'm sure he'll be there to understand and reassure you. It's just hard. I don't know that there's anything really to say or do. It's just really hard.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:33 PM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Bad news...long
I don't even know what I would say to him...
I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:34 PM |
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AnotherAnon
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 7 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
My 17 year old sister doesn't know yet. My mom is telling her on saturday when we all talk about it. She is so much closer with both my mom and dad then any of my other siblings are I think because she was born so much later then the rest of us and so she's always been thier "baby." This is going to be SOO hard for her. Just last weekend my dad drove her all over to look at colleges.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:36 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Bad news...long
Posted by AnotherAnon
My 17 year old sister doesn't know yet. My mom is telling her on saturday when we all talk about it. She is so much closer with both my mom and dad then any of my other siblings are I think because she was born so much later then the rest of us and so she's always been thier "baby." This is going to be SOO hard for her. Just last weekend my dad drove her all over to look at colleges.
Wow. That's going to be really hard for her. Right after it happenned with my dad i was able to look back and see signs and different things all over the place, which is really hard...feeling betrayed.  for your whole family
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:39 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm sorry for what you are going through.
eta. I'm not sure that I get why he betrayed your family?? He certainly betrayed your mom.
Message edited 4/5/2006 10:41:46 PM.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:40 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:40 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm sorry
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:42 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Bad news...long
I agree.
Also, you can still love your dad and disagree with his horrible choices. Just allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. There will be days where you won't want anything to do with him. Then, there will be days where you will want to call and talk to him and of course there will be days where you will want to punch him. Just give yourself time and allow yourself to grieve the loss of who you thought your dad was. It is so difficult and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Message edited 4/5/2006 10:43:57 PM.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:42 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:42 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Bad news...long
DH's father separated from his mom, but constantly gave her hope that things would work out and they might get back together. Meanwhile, he was having an affair the entire time (DH thinks the affair was going on for years). His father got engaged before the divorce was even finalized. Six months after the divorce, DH's father remarried and they had a  less than a year later. DH had a really tough time with this probably more so than his other siblings. He blamed his father for a while. Eventually, he accepted that although he hates what his father did, he still cares about his dad. DH still can't stand his father's wife and interacts with the baby as little as possible. He's civil to her though. It's a horrible situation, but eventually, I think DH realized he needed to let go of his anger.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:43 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
I am so sorry
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:50 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm so sorry your going through this.
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| Posted 4/5/06 10:52 PM |
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