Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

he thinks i drink too much.

what do i do? say? how much is "too much"??


the only thing that scares me is that i come from a family of alchoholics

but i honestly dont think i drink "too much"


i mean, im 22 yrs old , i started drinking at the age of 20. ive only been drinking for 2 years really. im sure working in a bar has made me drink more----- but i dont think i drink a crazy amount at all.

he says i just drink everyday............. and thats too much.

i just dont know what to do.

Message edited 3/22/2006 12:34:42 AM.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

I agree with the poster above. Drinking everyday seems a little excessive to me as well. The questions I would ask are , is it interfering with your daily routine? Are others feeling the same way? Do you feel you are turning to alcohol vs handling daily dilemmas? If some of these are yes then maybe you might want to ween off a bit. From other postings, I recall you might work in a restaurant/bar, am I correct? If so maybe because it is more available to you the urge to drink is there? Without knowing you and all the facts, it is probably alot harder to figure out the situation but if you feel you might need help, there are many outlets. It could also be very well that he said it in a rash moment and maybe he doesnt feel this way at all. Which to me would be hurtful and I would question why.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Honestly, at 22, I was a boozer myself...what you have to do is evaluate how it affects you...some people can be drinkers without it being a problem, others cannot.

It has to be shocking to hear, but you can do something about it...

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

I am sure he didnt say it for the shock value, maybe take his suggestion with open arms because he loves you....

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

I think it all depends on how "drunk" you are getting. I have to say at 22 I drank A LOT and probably close to very day. It was a phase...And I still am a drinker when we go out and stuff but not anywhere near "excessive". So age plays a big part. You could easily grow out of it...

AND your husband is older then you, he may not remember that, and just see you , his wife, drinking more then him and often. Try to put it into prespective for him. If your drinking is interfering in any way with the relationship , its a problem, but If the drinking is not excessive, you should be able to cut down some and make everyone happy ya know?

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

prehaps he is worried you will abuse it or be dependant on it one day.....

i would say something similar being that i witness acholisim (sp) first hand with my father drinking.... does you DH have acholics (sp) or any memories of something bad happening from drinking (like drunk driving, etc..?)

Message edited 3/22/2006 7:52:14 AM.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

IS your husband older then you? Because if he is a good bit older that might mean he's done w/ his partying days & yours have just begun. (that happens alot)

I know at 22 I was out about 5 days out of the week!

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Well...you're working, not partying. That's different than your typical 22 yr old partyer. I understand you work in a bar, but that doesn't mean drinking is part of your job.

I would say to take his words into serious consideration. Doesn't mean you have a problem, but since you have a history in your family, you need to be careful. So just use it as a warning.

If you learn to handle your drinking now at such a young age, you'll be in a much better position to control your drinking later in life when alcoholism may start to become a real threat. Learning to control it now may mean you never get to that point, so this is not a bad thing at all.

Also, I do feel that drinking everyday is a bit excessive unless you are on vacation or something.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

I think people who work in the bar/restaurant industry have a much different perspective on this than those who don't. I know people who work in restaurants and it is pretty common to hang out for an hour or so after work and have drinks with co-workers. That is so far from my daily routine that it is hard for me to imagine.

The other factor could be that your DH is a bit older than you. As other people said, I went out 4 or 5 nights a week when I was 20-21, but I have to rally to go out on a weekend these days. I think though, if it is creating a strain on your relationship, it would be wise to cut back a bit, even if you don't think you have a problem.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

what to do? LISTEN TO HIM. why don't you write down how much and how often you drink for a week or month...or have him do it.

it's best to stop a potential problem now.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Have you considered stopping drinking for a month to prove to both of you that it's not a problem?

ETA: I'm not saying that you do have a problem or that you don't. I'm also not saying that this would fix everything if you do have a dependance on alcohol. But you should start somewhere, to figure it out if the person closest to you, for whom it was probably very difficult to say it to you, is worried.

Message edited 3/22/2006 10:19:03 AM.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Ok....

Do you only drink while you are at the bar? If thats the case... then i wouldn't see an issue with it.


but...


Do you drink when you are at home as well? If its more than one drink a day (like more than a glass of wine a day)... then yeah thats too much IMO.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

regardless if you think you have a problem the fact that he does worries me.
If my DH said something like that it would be enough to make me think...and probably put down the bottle for a while.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

As someone who has a very close relative who was in AA at the age of 20 and a history of alcoholism in my family, I'm very glad you are taking his comments to heart.

No advice to offer, just

eta. Ok here's my 3 cents anyway. My family member could stop drinking for months at a time to prove to themselves that they weren't an alcoholic. I don't think it's the amount or frequency that makes you an alcoholic as the effect alcohol has on you when you do drink.

Message edited 3/22/2006 11:08:07 AM.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

ill sometimes have a drink after work..... but thats becomign rare for me now.

if we go out to eat chances are YES, i have a drink with dinner.

we went out yesterday with friends and ill admit i got really drunk...... but that was because we went out with friends!

no, i dont drink alone.

i think ive just drank alot these past two weeks or so.

i do NOT "need" drinks, nor does it affect my daily routines.

he is seriously just overreacting.

he is 12 years older than me, so he doesnt drink as much. hes over it. i figure, let me act my age once in a while for gods sake!

SO...... i told him thiws morning i am off drink for the rest of the month. maybe longer, not sure. but hopefully he will see that i dont need alcohol nor do i abuse it

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

as long as you dont "need" to drink, i really dont see the problem.

i was drunk almost everyday from 20-22 yrs old. theres a time and place for everything, and i had my fun while i had the chance. some people (DH included) said i used to drink too much, but it wasnt alarming- i just had a ridiculously high tolerance. I wanted to drink, didn't "NEED" to drink, and i was having fun.

its not like youre in your 30s, have kids, and are all of a sudden going out partying all the time

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Posted by dpli

Awww, Pill, you're growing up.....

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

having a drink every day is too much - and i dont think your age excuses the problem nor do i think going out with friends is a reason to get "really drunk " i think you are trying to rationalize it to yourself-
if your husband felt it was bad enough that he needed to say something you should listen to him -
try writing down how many time you are drinking - i come from an alcoholic family and can tell you sometimes people who are drinking dont realize how much they actually are having.
if you dont need to drink then stop - especially comming from this kind of background - why set yourself up for it?

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

oakslady.... you are assuming i have a "problem" which i dont. thats what im trying to prove.

i already told him im off drink for a while.

and i dont drink everyday, he is exaggerating.

it bothers me that he is ACTING like i drink alot. its in his head. i think its that if im not drinking WITH him then he thinks its not good.

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........