moving back in with parents?

DH and I looked into buying a house and found out we really can't afford it right .
I told my mom this and she asked me what our plan was now and I said to save money for awhile.
Then she told me that we could move in with them so that we didn't have to pay rent anymore to really be able to save money.
I haven't told DH this and I really doubt he'll go for it, but I was wondering what your opinion is on this.
We would be in my old room - they don't have a separate apt or anything. My parents aren't obtrusive at all... on one hand it seems like a great idea to save money, but then on the other hand - living with mom and dad once you're married seems like taking a step back.

Re: moving back in with parents?

I don't think I could do it, but you would be able to save a LOT of money.

I would really think about it and the effect it would have on your marraige, and all of the privacy you wouldn't have.

Re: moving back in with parents?

This is not an option for me, but I think the ONLY way I would have been able to do it would be if my parents had a seperate apt. or if we had a whole floor to ourselves. I think it would just be too hard on our relationship to be worth saving the $$.

Re: moving back in with parents?

We did it for a few months while waiting for our closing date. I don't think I could do it with no end in sight. if it was a seperate apartment type area then YES, but 1 room NO.

Re: moving back in with parents?

Re: moving back in with parents?

If you guys are comfortable in your parents house, I'd do it. Do you have any idea how long it would be?

Re: moving back in with parents?

With all the drama with the house we had hoped to purchase, DH's parents have offered to let us stay with them will we look for a home once our co-op is sold. I could cry thinking about how generous that offer is. They not only will help us to save money but they will also be giving up their privacy and routine just to help is out. It's amazing that parents love their children so much that time after time they continue to give of themselves more than could be expected. I think it's hard for everyone to live together after being on your own and forming your own "ways" but I look at it as being harder on my in-laws than on us. They have to get used to having us around - when they want to watch tv or read a paper - there are two other people around that will disrupt their routine. Plus they have more expenses - food, electric, water. Not to minimize the way the "kids" feel - of course it's a huge adjustment on that end too.

I think it's one of those things that you have to think long and hard about it. Short term is do-able but long-term can be very difficult. I think it's important to go into something like this with eyes wide open.

Re: moving back in with parents?

I was thinking about this when DH and I first got married. We would have been in the same situation and only had a room (no apartment). Ultimately we did not want to sacrifice our privacy to save money. We figured it would be better to wait a few years to buy a house and live in an apartment that we love rather then live with my parents.

Re: moving back in with parents?

OMG never!!!!!!!! That would be my last resort before being homeless

but everyone's situation is different

Re: moving back in with parents?

Maybe go through a week or a few days and literally every thinkg you do in lif,e think of how it would be different living with the parents. Bathroom situation, coming and going, even eating dinner. Because of circumstances both FH and I are always at my mom's house. I can't tell you how much I miss just sitting home with him alone having dinner. And when you want privacy for any reason you're confined to your room. And if you argue, your parents are gonna know about it, etc.

Re: moving back in with parents?

For the sake of my sanity and the preservation of my marriage...I couldn't do it. But, everyone's situation is different. Do what you feel is right.

Re: moving back in with parents?

I think it depends on how long it would be for. There is a big difference between living with my parent for a few months and a few years. Also, I know I couldn't live with my parents because my dad and husband are too close (I would never see my husband again!).

Re: moving back in with parents?

I think it def. depends on the relationship you have with your parents.

My cousin is dormering her house right now -and she has three boys under the age of three. She is staying with her parents and they have been a tremendous help.

For me, it wouldn't be the most ideal situation, but if I ever decide to dormer my house we may someday have to live with my parents in the interim.

Re: moving back in with parents?

Posted by Kezza

For the sake of my sanity and the preservation of my marriage...I couldn't do it. But, everyone's situation is different. Do what you feel is right.

Re: moving back in with parents?

Dh and I did this for a year! It was my brother and my mom and us for a little bit then my brother moved out...that helped alot. It was supposed to be only a short time but we had a lot of problems and deals falling through. It actually worked out ok and DH and my mom have a great relationship now.

Re: moving back in with parents?

I was dead against the idea. Then I had surgery this summer and had to go home and stay in my old room with my DH. It was not so bad, I thought about it. It is so expensive to buy a house and if this what we have to do then I think i can deal with it. DH and I discussed it and there would be a time limit set by us that we would be out. It was hard having to go back to doing things their way, and trying not get involved in their routine. but there was a certain amount of it i really enjoyed.

Re: moving back in with parents?

well i tell ya i am in kinda a similar situation...

We wanted to start looking for our home...We had a condo and needed to sell that first since our DP would be from the sale of our condo...

I was sooo nervous to really house hunt until we knew our condo had sold

well it sold....but no house

My dad said we could come live with him until we found our home...

THAT WAS BACK IN JANUARY!

we still haven't found our home just yet

Living with my dad is great.....

living with my sister has been at times UNBEARABLE.

But i have to say...we have save a LOT of money just in the short time we have been here...

so if i were you i would think about how your and yoru DH get along with your parents...

do you see issues that could be bad? Do you think it is somewhat livable?


because i think that buying a home in LI is BEYOND frustrating...

and if you can do something that could really help you two out.....well i say at least TRY IT. I would never just say NO unless i knew 10000% that it would be bad for my marriage..

And even if you try it and it doesn't work....you could always rent again...

I just think that it is BEYOND difficult to rent and save a decent amount of money...

Re: moving back in with parents?

I'm also doing this right now - except I live with my IL's. We had been on our own for about 3 years before we decided that we couldn't pay rent and save the kind of money we need for a house. We are in the upstairs of a Cape so we have our own bathroom and then the two bedrooms. We share a kitchen.

I have to say that in the time we've been here, it has been really wonderful. We've saved a ton of money, we all do our own thing, yet we hang out and watch TV together at night if nothing else is going on.

We're planning to be here at least another year before looking for a house.

Re: moving back in with parents?

I don't know the situation with you/DH and your parents, but DH and I did live with his parents for about 6 months and it was fine. Same thing as you'd have- just a bedroom, no separate apt or anything. But, we knew it was only temporary - we had to be out of our old place in March, and knew we couldn't close on our house until September. If we hadn't had that and it could have been for a lot longer, I don't know how I would feel.

My ILs are wonderful and were not intrusive in our relationship at all, but I did feel worried sometimes that they would come to resent us for being in their way (though I understand my MIL was really sad when we left.)

Most of the time it was really fine, though after a while, you do really just want your own space.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Re: moving back in with parents?

When DH and I moved into our first apartment (before we were married) we had to move out within a month, because we had insect problems. My parents didn't want us to have to live apart again, so they offered to let us stay with them while we looked for another apartment. It was great of them because we weren't even married yet. We lived there two months. It really wasn't that bad. Actually what made it hard was that my dad lost his job the day we moved back so he was always home and I felt bad. But they were nothing but kind and we were at work most of the time, so you really don't see each other much. Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Re: moving back in with parents?

We did it, with my MIL. There were some other things going on as well - she was in the middle of a divorce and DH's little brother needed "help", to put it mildly, but our reason for doing it was to save money for a house. I worked in the city at the time, so was hardly ever home M-F except to sleep. It was worth it to us, but we have a high tolerance for pain.

Re: moving back in with parents?

I couldn't do it but I don't get along with my mom and moved out when I was 19.
If you think your marriage would be OK and DH would agree to it then it would definitely be a great way to save money.

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Me personally, I would never.....it would be so uncomfortable. I would rather scrimp and save.

Re: moving back in with parents?

We are currently living in my parent's basement apartment.
We bought a co-op when we got married 2 years ago, and then decided we wanted to be closer to our parents, and we also wanted a house. So we sold our co-op and started looking for a house. But I didn't want to have to try to buy and sell at the same time, so my parents offered to let us live here in the meantime.
It's actually working out a lot better than I expected. We have worked out some ground rules for not intruding on each other, and that's worked out.
Am I thrilled with living in a basement? Heck no! But we're able to save some money and live stress-free, so it works for us.
I also happen to have a great relationshop with my parents and they love my husband, so that makes it easier.

Re: moving back in with parents?

Honestly, I couldn't do it. You will NO privacy. I think it's important as a newlywed to have that time alone and to really learn about each other. It's one thing if it was a separate apt or if you are waiting on a closing, but you don't know how long this will take. I'm sure you can find a low-rent apt for the time being. Or even buy a condo or townhouse if you don't want to rent. Good luck.