Leaving LI- very LONG!!! UPDATED!

So...I don't know if it's the weather or what but I've been a tad depressed lately. Here's a little back-story:
So my Dh and I are married for over 8 years and we have 2 beautiful sons. We own a home in LI which we love, and we bought this house a few months before we were married. I absolutely LOVE this area and we've done soooooo much work to our house and it really is beautiful. But now I feel like we've kinda outgrown this place. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch with a finished basement. In our area, with what I have in this house (brand new kitchen/ granite, new bath, new practically everything) and my property size...I could probably get $575,000 + if we sold. I really don't want to leave but this area and utilities (ahem Petro, LIPA) are killin me. My taxes have gone up almost $4000 since I bought this house- and we never expanded!

So this is what brings me to my dilema- my parents recently moved 5 blocks from me. They lived in Queens FOREVER and my mom SWORE they would never leave. But my Dad really wanted to and my mom wanted to be near her grandchildren- so they made the move here almost 2 years ago. If I told her I was looking at real estate out of state...she'd have a friggin heartattack! Plus she is in the midst of TOTALLY renovating her house and lovin every minute of it.

2nd dilema- my DH makes really good money. While you say this doesn't sound like a dilema...here's the sad part...we NEVER put money in savings. I have been a SAHM for over 4 years (I was a teacher) and I wouldn't return (MAYBE if the hours worked out) until my little one (who is 14 months old) is in school full time. And that is a BIG maybe. We sacrifice ALOT for me to stay home and wouldn't have it any other way. I can't imagine having my mom or somebody else picking my boys up from school, giving them a snack, helping with homework. I feel that should be me.

So anyway, my DH commutes to NYC daily, deals with BS at work all day long, comes home practically at my boys' bedtimes, we chat for an hour, go to sleep, and start all over the next day.

I was looking at real estate in North Carolina and was so impressed with the areas, housing and PRICES!!! I could buy a mini-mansion there with the sale of my current home. And I think, why not? But part of me would die to leave my family, friends, my kids' friends.

Did I mention that we were entertaining the idea of having a 3rd child IF we had the room (and in my current house, we do not). So...sorry this is sooooooooooo long and I didn't mean to vent...well, maybe I did. But I just feel our quality of life would be sooooo different if we left LI.

What's your opinions? And, out of NY, where do you recommend where you get a lot of bang out of your buck and that is a great suburban neighborhood with great schools?

Thanks so much for reading this novel!
=============================
UPDATE:

So, I just got off the phone with my parents and threw out the hypothetical of, "What would you say if I suggested we ALL move to North Carolina?" They were actually excited. My dad retires in 2 years so we wouldn't do anything until then, but it's just nice to know that they are "on board". As I said to my mom, I just feel like we are spinning our wheels in LI. With the salary my DH earns, we should be living "high on the hog". Unfortunately, with the crazy taxes, his commute and hours, the constant rise of utilities...it's just not the case. Maybe if we moved to NC (or anywhere OOS), his commute could be normal, taxes would be normal, his hours could be normal, and we could put money in the bank!

So that said, in a few years, I might be asking ALOT of questions about NC!!! Thanks so much ladies for all the great advice!
Now, if only I could get all my friends to move as well. That'd be AWESOME!

Message edited 8/31/2006 11:34:26 AM.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Oh man, this is such a personal decision. I can't tell you where to go because everyone will like different things. I can tell you to visit those places you've narrowed down. If DH and I were looking again (and I didn't have family in GA) we would probably do NC. The Raleigh-Cary area - it seems wonderful.

But I just want to say that you can have 3 kids in a 3 bedroom house. While it may be inconvenient to have 2 of them share, it's a lot more than many kids have. I grew up in apartments all my life.

Don't leave just because of housing, because like a very wise woman once told me, it's not the size of the home - it's the love inside.

If you decide to leave, do so for your well being, for a good neighborhood, for a better job, for advancement. Don't just leave for the mini-mansion. You'll probably regret it. Leave so that DH can be home early and have dinner with the family. For a shorter commute, for an easier life with lower taxes and expenses.

It sounds like you love LI and have your family nearby and already own a beautiful home (so you're way ahead of the game)...I guess I'm not really getting the true "why". Maybe you're afraid to see it too?

I wish you clarity!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

first, sending you lots of

DH and I are heading to NC this weekend (GOD willing the storm will not disrupt our plans!) to check out the Raleigh area.

we are not even close to being in your situation, however, I feel as though I can relate somewhat. we can afford a house on LI, but to us, it is just not worth the stress and struggle. it's not just the housing costs, like you said. it's the taxes, utilities, car insurance, everything is more $ here.

we would have loved to stay, but I don't see how. we want to own a house and still be able to enjoy life while saving for our future.

good luck to you!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Posted by sasha

Oh man, this is such a personal decision. I can't tell you where to go because everyone will like different things. I can tell you to visit those places you've narrowed down. If DH and I were looking again (and I didn't have family in GA) we would probably do NC. The Raleigh-Cary area - it seems wonderful.

But I just want to say that you can have 3 kids in a 3 bedroom house. While it may be inconvenient to have 2 of them share, it's a lot more than many kids have. I grew up in apartments all my life.

Don't leave just because of housing, because like a very wise woman once told me, it's not the size of the home - it's the love inside.

If you decide to leave, do so for your well being, for a good neighborhood, for a better job, for advancement. Don't just leave for the mini-mansion. You'll probably regret it. Leave so that DH can be home early and have dinner with the family. For a shorter commute, for an easier life with lower taxes and expenses.

It sounds like you love LI and have your family nearby and already own a beautiful home (so you're way ahead of the game)...I guess I'm not really getting the true "why". Maybe you're afraid to see it too?

I wish you clarity!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Valerie...you have me in tears!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Definitely visit wherever you are thinking of moving. Someone I know moved to NC for the same reasons - had a gorgeous new home, shorter commute, good job, etc. He HATED it! It wasn't the area or the house - all of that was great. He hated being away from his family and friends. He moved back here and bought an even smaller house than before he moved, and he's never been happier. Please factor that into your decision - some people are fine away from their loved ones, and others would rather sacrifice to be near them. Good luck with your decision.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

You're very welcome. I could sense that there's more. Decisions like these are never black and white. Your plan of visiting is wonderful. I made many visits before I "went for it" and I'm happy for that, because it allowed me time to prepare mentally, emotionally and to make real lists of pros and cons.

Good luck!

P.S. I knew Lori would be sad!

ETA: One of my main reasons for leaving was the unbelievable fear I had after 9/11. Having to escape that I never really got over it. It's bad because "they win" but it got to the point that I was paying $10 a day on commuter buses because I didn't want to take the subway. I know how you feel!

Message edited 8/30/2006 7:49:31 PM.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Posted by sasha

Oh man, this is such a personal decision. I can't tell you where to go because everyone will like different things. I can tell you to visit those places you've narrowed down. If DH and I were looking again (and I didn't have family in GA) we would probably do NC. The Raleigh-Cary area - it seems wonderful.

But I just want to say that you can have 3 kids in a 3 bedroom house. While it may be inconvenient to have 2 of them share, it's a lot more than many kids have. I grew up in apartments all my life.

Don't leave just because of housing, because like a very wise woman once told me, it's not the size of the home - it's the love inside.

If you decide to leave, do so for your well being, for a good neighborhood, for a better job, for advancement. Don't just leave for the mini-mansion. You'll probably regret it. Leave so that DH can be home early and have dinner with the family. For a shorter commute, for an easier life with lower taxes and expenses.

It sounds like you love LI and have your family nearby and already own a beautiful home (so you're way ahead of the game)...I guess I'm not really getting the true "why". Maybe you're afraid to see it too?

I wish you clarity!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Valerie,

I hear your plea and as many of us already have....

We left NY for alot of the same reasons 4 months after getting married.
We wanted to get more for our money, we wanted me to stay home with our kids when we had them (we have 1 daughter now), we wanted to escape the NY winters.

We chose Georgia because DH already had 1 sister here with her family....we now live 45 min away from them and hardly see them.

North Carolina is a GREAT area but the market is on the up and up towards NY like prices (well, not totally, but the market there is going up because of NY'ers and other northerners leaving).

Atlanta is one of THE hottest places to move to....a BIG BOOM down here. I've also heard that Tennessee is hot too recently.

As a teacher....GA is desperate and you should have no problems getting a job should you choose to in the future.
The economy is better and many job fields hold on to their salaries or aren't too far off, so there is a good chance your DH salary might stay the same or not go down too much. Your money goes SO far down here.

We have a 3 BR, 3 Bath split level on 5 acres in a county that is just coming into new growth. Towns nearby are blowing up big time and our property value is going up as I type! We paid under $130K for it. Our taxes are $1440 (and people say that's high down here!) and this past year were only $900 due to a Homestead Act for new homeowners! Car insurance for 2 cars is $1300 (one being a brand new Tahoe).

To put in terms that I LOVE to brag about:
we have a new baby, 2 dogs, 2 cars (1 brand new) and a BRAND NEW house for less than $50K a year. And we do skimp, but we do have luxuries we don't NEED (uh...DirectTV HD..... )

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

To be completely honest - I would sit down and talk to your parents before you start looking at other options. I feel like they will be really hurt, considering they moved out of their home just to be near you, if you all of a sudden pick up and move. I know you cant live your life for your parents, and ultimately you need to make the decision that is best for you and your children, but I know my mom would be sooooo hurt if i looked else where without consulting her first - if she had just altered her entire life to be near her grandchildren.... JMHO

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

My DH and I just moved to NC, I've been here for almost three weeks...I moved away from my whole family and all my friends...Its been really hard, but we own a house that I could NEVER afford in NY.
DH's job transfered his job and pay down here and they even set him up to work from home....I had to leave my job that i loved to come down here...I'm currently interviewing for positions and the pay is actually really good.
If you are a teacher, they NEED teachers in NC so badly, so you would not have a prob with that...and the pay is pretty good.
I totally understand how you are feeling...and miss my family and friends so much, but I think this was a good move. Its really nice down here...you should plan a weekend trip to come down here first before you decide if its for you. I live in the High Point/Greensboro Area and if you need a recmd for a realtor We had A GREAT one.
You can FM for any details or if you just want to talk!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

You need to do what is right for you and your DH. Definately sit down and talk to your parents. DH and I have been thinking of moving to NC for about a year now and I really had no idea how & what to say to my parents - I knew I wouldn't want to live that far away from them - but I also knew that I had to do what was right for me & DH and our children - I thought my parents would never leave NY. Well I was wrong, they are really interested in going also.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

I moved to NC in June. It was what DH and I needed. Our commutes were long, we never saw each other, and I really wanted the chance to be a SAHM. We were not homeowners, NC was are only chance.

My parents were torn. They wanted to be happy for us, but the thought of their only grandchild in NC makes them ill. I believe you have to do what is right for your family.

good luck

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

My opinion is that a house is just a house. A home is where your heart is.

I am not interested in a BIG house. But I would like some property (i.e., not be on top of the neighbors and have to hear their fights) and I would like to escape the traffic and pollution (littering) on LI. But my family is here and that's what makes it so hard.

My DH works in NYC too and for him to change jobs he would never get the $$ he makes here. So, we dream, we talk about it... but I would not move just for a larger house.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

We are visiting NC this weekend too to check out the area. I totally understand what you are feeling. It is so hard here but I don't want to leave my family. We are checking out the Raleigh and Charlotte areas.
I don't get to see my son sometimes at night because he is already asleep when I get home from work. I work in Manhattan and with the commute I am usually home between 7 and 8 pm.. Everything here is so expensive and we paid so much for my little house and I just want a better quality of life for my my husband, son and I.
So..we will check out the area and see what happens.

I totally understand what you are going through!

Message edited 8/31/2006 6:06:36 AM.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

It does seem like you have many factors in your decision and it will be an extremely tough one.


I think visiting an area at different times of the year, may help out a little.


good luck

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Val- first I you. YOu know I am always here for you.

I ahve to be brief now since I should be in the shower alredy.

But........ you have a wonderful home and a wonderful family. You have seen my place... a house is walls, a home is family. If you need to you can certainly accomodate more children in your home.

Can DH find something closer to home? I know he is always looking and the money would be less. But you know George took a job foe a lot less money and is much happier.

YOu can always sub or exand your crafting to supplement, but I think you'll find you would be OK anyway. The expense of traveleing to NYC is a hefty one. Maybe he can get a paper route in his etra free time

Your family is amazing, they'll support you in whatever you decide. And I think you have some of the best friends in the world so I know they'll support you.

OK.... getting my arse in the shower now. Talk more later.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

First of all, thank you everyone for your wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement.
Lori, don't cry...I'm SURE we will not be leaving the 'hood ANY time soon.
And I really wasn't complaining about my house, per say. More like the quality of life we have here. Crazy taxes, an hour and a half commute for my DH, his crazy hours, utility bills are getting to be out of control, not being able to save, not being able to see my DH until late at night. That's really my complaints. When I see how much your money can be stretched out of state, it makes me wonder, "why do we all stay here and struggle?"
But then the other half of my brain says, "you're here because of your family and friends and you love your neighborhood."
So, that's why I posted this saga yesterday. It was more of like a conflict I was having with myself.
I won't totally abolish the idea of ONE day leaving LI, but in my heart I have a feeling it won't be in the near future.
Thanks everyone for all of your great advice!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Posted by rose825

Val- first I you. YOu know I am always here for you.

I ahve to be brief now since I should be in the shower alredy.

But........ you have a wonderful home and a wonderful family. You have seen my place... a house is walls, a home is family. If you need to you can certainly accomodate more children in your home.

Can DH find something closer to home? I know he is always looking and the money would be less. But you know George took a job foe a lot less money and is much happier.

YOu can always sub or exand your crafting to supplement, but I think you'll find you would be OK anyway. The expense of traveleing to NYC is a hefty one. Maybe he can get a paper route in his etra free time

Your family is amazing, they'll support you in whatever you decide. And I think you have some of the best friends in the world so I know they'll support you.

OK.... getting my arse in the shower now. Talk more later.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

You have to do whats best for all of your family. There is a reason so many young couples leave NY. Best of luck!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

Posted by joenick

So...I don't know if it's the weather or what but I've been a tad depressed lately. Here's a little back-story:
So my Dh and I are married for over 8 years and we have 2 beautiful sons. We own a home in LI which we love, and we bought this house a few months before we were married. I absolutely LOVE this area and we've done soooooo much work to our house and it really is beautiful. But now I feel like we've kinda outgrown this place. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch with a finished basement. In our area, with what I have in this house (brand new kitchen/ granite, new bath, new practically everything) and my property size...I could probably get $575,000 + if we sold. I really don't want to leave but this area and utilities (ahem Petro, LIPA) are killin me. My taxes have gone up almost $4000 since I bought this house- and we never expanded!

So this is what brings me to my dilema- my parents recently moved 5 blocks from me. They lived in Queens FOREVER and my mom SWORE they would never leave. But my Dad really wanted to and my mom wanted to be near her grandchildren- so they made the move here almost 2 years ago. If I told her I was looking at real estate out of state...she'd have a friggin heartattack! Plus she is in the midst of TOTALLY renovating her house and lovin every minute of it.

2nd dilema- my DH makes really good money. While you say this doesn't sound like a dilema...here's the sad part...we NEVER put money in savings. I have been a SAHM for over 4 years (I was a teacher) and I wouldn't return (MAYBE if the hours worked out) until my little one (who is 14 months old) is in school full time. And that is a BIG maybe. We sacrifice ALOT for me to stay home and wouldn't have it any other way. I can't imagine having my mom or somebody else picking my boys up from school, giving them a snack, helping with homework. I feel that should be me.

So anyway, my DH commutes to NYC daily, deals with BS at work all day long, comes home practically at my boys' bedtimes, we chat for an hour, go to sleep, and start all over the next day.

I was looking at real estate in North Carolina and was so impressed with the areas, housing and PRICES!!! I could buy a mini-mansion there with the sale of my current home. And I think, why not? But part of me would die to leave my family, friends, my kids' friends.

Did I mention that we were entertaining the idea of having a 3rd child IF we had the room (and in my current house, we do not). So...sorry this is sooooooooooo long and I didn't mean to vent...well, maybe I did. But I just feel our quality of life would be sooooo different if we left LI.

What's your opinions? And, out of NY, where do you recommend where you get a lot of bang out of your buck and that is a great suburban neighborhood with great schools?

Thanks so much for reading this novel!

Message edited 8/31/2006 11:35:01 AM.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

If your parents are on board with it, and you think that it will improve the quality of your life - i think you should definitely consider it.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!!

That is awesome news!
I will pass on any info I find on my trip this weekend. A few of my friends are considering it too.

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!! UPDATED!

I love hearing stories like these!

I can't say that I'm surprised because while your mom is super happy right now, she's happy to be near you and have something to do (remodeling her house). She could sell her house (and so can you) and make a nice profit and live comfortably (and possibly even mortgage free ) in another state. Retirement is the perfect reason to do so!

Home is where family is (whether it's your immediate family and/or your parents/friends, etc.) and if those that love you are open to the possibility of a better life elsewhere, then that just makes it that much sweeter. Your friends will follow...if not to stay, at least to visit. Maybe you'll be the one to get Lori to leave!

I love how happy I am to drive to work everyday. Nevermind that my commute is 40 miles each way - it beats the subway!!

I continue to wish you clarity. Feel free to FM me...

Congrats on the first step of an exciting journey!!

Re: Leaving LI- very LONG!!! UPDATED!

Posted by sasha

I love hearing stories like these!

I can't say that I'm surprised because while your mom is super happy right now, she's happy to be near you and have something to do (remodeling her house). She could sell her house (and so can you) and make a nice profit and live comfortably (and possibly even mortgage free ) in another state. Retirement is the perfect reason to do so!

Home is where family is (whether it's your immediate family and/or your parents/friends, etc.) and if those that love you are open to the possibility of a better life elsewhere, then that just makes it that much sweeter. Your friends will follow...if not to stay, at least to visit. Maybe you'll be the one to get Lori to leave!

I love how happy I am to drive to work everyday. Nevermind that my commute is 40 miles each way - it beats the subway!!

I continue to wish you clarity. Feel free to FM me...

Congrats on the first step of an exciting journey!!