Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Honestly my mom is just becomign more and more toxic and it has been suggested to me more than once that I should cut her out of my life for my own good. Of course guilt gets the best of me and I have never been able to do this. But now that I have a daughter I just really cannot bear to have her insanity, temper and rage anywhere near my child.
I just don't know how to cut her out of my life without feeling like a horrible person.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never could imagine doing something like that.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

I cut my sister out.

Does your Mom live near you? I remember you live in CO, but you had your wedding here.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

I never have, but my mom and her sister chose to cut off their brother. I know it was an incredibly difficult decision for them, as they were small kids when they lost their parents (which IMO could be one factor in why my uncle is the way he is). But they got to the point where they could not deal with his pathological lying, the way he treated his children (who also refuse to speak to him) and the way he was always hitting up my mom and aunt for $$. There's more, but you get the idea.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

My father is dead to me

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Yes, my aunt. She was very unstable & I got her help (mentally) and in return I got ALOT of abuse when she went off her meds. I just couldn't put my son or myself through that so, I stopped talking to her. She didn't even know I was pregnant when someone slipped it to her that I had twins.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Your daughter is SO CUTE!!!!!

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

I do not talk to my mother...TOXIC is not the word for her. I honestly could be on Oprah if I shared all my stories. If you need to talk I am here!

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

we are going to go through the same when we have kids. Right now, DH tolerates behavior. But he agrees our kids can't be around it.
I dread the day, but I know it is coming.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

I can't relate at all because both of my parents are deceased (before I was 21) and I am an only child, The way I felt before my parents passed was they were my everything.. My inlaws have taken me in like their own so I am very lucky when it comes to that...

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Message edited 1/13/2006 7:52:50 PM.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

yes, my mom... and believe me, I have tried to keep a civil relationship with her. It is a LONG story... It is sad and unfortunate...

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

i severed ties with my dad from time to time for extended periods of time. its a long story but he had serious issues with alcoholism and PTSD that were weighing heavily on me. however, the last time i cut ties with him was Fathers Day 2001. then 9/11 happened and i called him bc he knew i work near there and would be worried sick. i thank god everyday that i did call him bc he died suddenly a month and a half later. i know i couldnt always maintain a relationship for my own sanity but i will say i still feel guilty over it. my point is just think hard about how you'd feel if anything ever happened to the person you'd be cutting out.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

My DH has cut off his mother and her family

Hugs to you Jen

Message edited 1/13/2006 8:30:08 PM.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

I am on the verge of cutting off my mother too....guilt gets to me too.

She is coming down soon and I flat out told her that I am NOT looking forward to it and the only reason I said yes to her visit is because I feel that it's not right to deny her seeing her granddaughter.

I did warn her that if she aggravates me or disappoints me during this trip that I'm done with her in my life.

I feel guilty about it too, but EVERY time I talk to her I cry and get so angry that I can't control my rage. She STILL denies everything I've confronted her about and refuses to try to repair the damage.

I was a MUCH happier person when we were not speaking after I went off on her back in August

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

I could NEVER cut off a close family member. Family is all we really have when it comes down to the nitty gritty.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

I would hate to say this - and its hard to understand unless you have to go through something so horrific but yes- I have.

I am VERY close to DH's family and if iI had a family and parents like his I couldn't imagine cutting someone off.

My family is a LOT different. Without hijacking this thread lets just say that I have been a parent to my parents- for my mom we are paying her rent, phone , electricity etc. while she was/is abusing substances and getting treated for mental illness.
She will be somewhat finacially more dependant starting in Feb. ( hopefully we can return to focusing on our goals)- her I still talk to.
We used to pay my dads rent - car insurance and dh used to give him work until he was too busy relying on us and living in a world of pipe dreams and being a gigolo. Any job was to meanial for him-so he found himself a sponser. The 2 started to cause drama and they had to be cut out. A Person can get a little too cocky when they have a couple of $$$s in thier pocket.
( Its a whole other post)

My point is as painful as it is and was to do it beats getting constantly sh^t upon and used by your own family. If your happiness and well being is compromised and you tried 100% to make things right ther comes a point where you have to walk. Thats waht we did after much consideration .


ETA- its not for everyone or the "perfect solution". In this case it was the only solution.

Message edited 1/13/2006 9:27:36 PM.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Shana- sorry you are going through all this. Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby.
Please focus on your family- your baby & your dh all else will fall into place.

ETA-
I just read this whole post again-
JEnn I am sorry that you are going through drama with your mom too.
Stay strong and focus on your baby and your dh.

FM me if you ever want to talk- I think I have heard it all


We are not alone in the family drama

Message edited 1/13/2006 9:35:50 PM.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

I cut my twin out of my life completely for 6 months - and took another 6 months repairing our relationship.

I have many friends who have cut their parents out of their lives for reasons that they felt were right. While one person I know will never let her father back in her life, the three others have never given up hope on their parent. One didn't invite his mother to his wedding because in his words "If she could be the mother I always wanted to have, I'd want her there. It would setting us both up for failure & disappoint to think she could behave." That guy let his mother back in his life years later - he already had a 2 year old. They are slowly repairing their relationship.

Cutting off your mother from your life doesn't have to be a permanent thing. It could be just one of those things where you just can't have her in your life now because you have to focus on your newborn and don't need the extra stress. Hopefully with a break, you can have a better relationship.

I can't imagine having to deal with this with a newborn. You really are terrific to be evaluating your relationship with your mom for the sake of your daughter.

Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?

Message edited 1/13/2006 10:22:58 PM.