Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

I just need to vent...

As many of you may know- I decided to get married in the justice of peace after cancelling my "big" wedding @ east wind...

My parents had offered me the $$$ they were paying for the hall... and being preg. at the time... it just made so much more sense to put the $$$ away for a house, and to pay bills....

We decided to have a vow renewal in the carribean in its place... which is planned for Oct of this year...

Well.... money has been supser tight- so I decided to speak to my mom about this $$$ and when they would be giving it to me- and well apaprently... they have decided to go back on their "deal"- My dad cleaned out my wedding account and paid off some bills... (unannounced to my mom) and well.... Im just soooo disappointed! My mom isn't speaking to me... (although Im not sure why... I think she feels bad- and its easier to be mad and not talking to me- then it is for her to apologize to me)

Whats making it even harder... is Im in 2 weddings that are coming up... and its just so hard to watch and pay to be in these weddings... watching them pick out beautiful dresses... and knowing I never had and will have any of this... and for what??? I cant even say I did the right thing for my family- because in the end... I didnt even get the $$$ that was promised!

Im so totally stressed- I dont know how we are ever gonna afford a house, pay off debt, how anything is gonna work out... all the while being secertly jealous of my friends and their beautiful weddings....

I just dont know how we continue to bust our @ss and continue to come out on bottom...

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

that s u c k s - I can't believe they did that- knowing your situation

I am so sorry- that's just terrible- and for you Mom to not be speaking to you ( she is probably embrassed- but still)

NOT RIGHT!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

That stinks. Maybe you could wait another year and do a big renewal/wedding then so you have time to save more.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

Ive just been having way to many of those days where I wanna throw my hands up and say I quit.....

I see no light at the end of our tunnel and its scaring the cr@p outta me!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

Marissa -- money is tight or us too right now. I've been stressing a lot about it lately....

Maybe you guys can do the vow renewal for your 5 year or 10 year anniversary. I know you want to do it sooner -- but wouldn't it be awesome if Ryan could be your ring bearer or even walk you down the aisle??

I am sorry you're sad and parents are just buttholes sometimes. They were supposed to be paying for ALL of my reception, which wasn't a lot since we didn't have it at a big place. It was like $4,700 for the whole thing. Well, the DAY OF MY WEDDING they told me while we were taking pics that they wouldn't be paying the balance....DH and I literally had to use our gift money to pay the hall before we left...it was horrible. Opening the cards after all the guests had left so that we could pay.

Parents are meanies sometimes.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

That sucks Marissa that the money is gone. I would be very dissappointed too. But you DID do the right thing for you and your family. You got married to the man you love, and the father of your son. The fact that you two exchanged those vows is what matters most, not the money or what you did/may have done with it.

Now, that doesn't take away from the fact that you want and deserve to have a beautiful wedding. I think this is just something you are going to have to work toward and plan on a couple of years of saving. I think a Carribean renewal is such a romantic idea. It may take you awhile to save with everything else going on, but you'll get there eventually because it's something you really want. And who knows...maybe by then, your parents will again be able to help you out a bit.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

My friend let us get married at his country club...otherwise it was Kew Gardens all the way (Justice of the Peace).

You cannot be mad at your father, my father spent all the money my mother saved for me to get married. Then he died. Life is too short to hold grudges over money that was never technically yours.

DH and I have spoken about doing a 5 yr renewal where I grew up so the rest of my family could take part in it...but we have worked very hard for every dime and nickel we have and cannot bare to part with it.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

That's too bad about the wedding and the money. But try not to beat yourself up...we paid for our wedding by ourselves and bought a house. It can be done. You may not have your beautiful wedding this year or next; but you will one day. You will also have your house. Then you will be able to look at everything you have and what you have done and know that it's all because of your hard work!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

I am so sorry Marissa. Perhaps you can reschedule for next year and that will give you time to save more money. It stinks that your parents did that to you!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

IT can all be done. Plenty of people have done it. And try to put hurt feelings aside if possible. Think of what you do have. A husband and a beautiful baby.

I would give up the wedding I had in a heartbeat for a child.

A wedding is over sooooo quickly and in the end its just memories and lots of money spent. You have the memories already.

If you feel you need to do it. I would think maybe try to think 5 years ahead. Gives you plenty of time to save up and you have a "anniversary" to celebrate the vow re-newal.

Most of my friends who got married at the Justice of the peace had a vow renewal at their 5 or 10 year anniversary.

I understand what other people are getting can make you feel like crap and long for what could have been, but nothing can change the situation as it is now.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

The renewal is already paid for...so fortunately we will still be having that this year... but its still not the same...

It was a sacrafice I was making- to have money for a house, and bills..... but now that its not happening.... Im just not happy with that decision...


ETA- I m very grateful for all I have- but that money was already spent- (in my head) and now that its not coming we are royally S crewed!

Message edited 7/31/2006 10:07:17 AM.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

sweety! i am so sorry you are having to deal with this. mom is more then likly very upset at herself. my mom would have done the same thing (not talk to me) i know how it feels to try and be happy for other people getting married. it is hard to look at them too. i hope you and mom can talk and straiten this out. as for the bills thing all i can offer is many of many 's

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I've been feeling the same way lately. The bills, woking your butt off and you never seem to come out on top.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

I'm so sorry... That really stinks. Well, at least you're having your vacation in October. I think you need one!! When you get back, then you can concentrate on saving more. I think your mom might be embarassed about the whole situation. I don't think she should be mad at you though...she should be able to listen and understand your frustration.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

My mom is always so generous, and my dad would be the same way, thinking why should they give me money when they need it for their own bills. My mom would give me the shirt off her back if she thought it would help me.

If nothing else, feel great that you are managing without help! It's a great sense of accomplishment knowing that you both earned everything you are spending. We bought a condo...Not a house, and it was still expensive since it is LI, but I feel so great knowing that we didn't take $$$$ from anyone...It may be small, but we earned it ourselves.

Plus (and this is easy to say since I did have the wedding I wanted), a wedding was one day. If I got to do it again I don't even know if I would spend the money and time on it...It was fun--the best day of my life, no...The best days are those spent with DH...Probably a day on the Caribbean on the beach, without any worries....

Message edited 7/31/2006 10:23:07 AM.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

That is crappy of you Dad and Mom. And I would be upset with them, but you can not stay mad.

Spending money you don't have yet is never good. If I were you I would be going to the library to check out books on financial advice, getting online Oprah's Debt Diet, whatever it takes, and put yourself on a plan ASAP. You will never be free until you are out of debt and financially free (not millionaire financially free but free from the debt.) You can do it---there is always a way. After watching Oprah's special with some really hard up cases I believe anyone can turn their situation around.

As far as the weddings and being in them I feel for you and give you hugs. That is hard. Just try and think of the bigger picture. As one LIFer mentioned, she would gladly give her wedding up for something you have-a child. Easier said then done, but it isn't about that one day.

You can do it!! And you don't need your parent's help.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

awwww I am sorry.... but it is never too late to have a wedding... we had our big day after 5 years of being legally married

Message edited 7/31/2006 10:32:32 AM.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

So sorry Maris....

That totally stinks. I know you were looking so forward to the vow renewal!

I would be very upset too. Sometimes it seems like when it rains it pours. And to add to it, you have to be in other weddings.. I know I would be upset about it also.

Just want to give you 's and everything will get better eventually.

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

LI is not an easy place to live-

I am sorry about your disappointment

Everything will work out for you- I have to believe that for you as well as myself

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

Re: Feeling so angry and soooo sad!

Marissa,

If you are going to have your vow renewal. If you want the big dress. You are more than welcome to borrow mine if you would like. Or you can borrow my crinoline or my bun wrap. Any of that if it will save you money and give you a wedding that you want and deserve.