Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Posted by michele31


I am shocked that he was so self absorbed and that all of these friends were as well.
I would not stand for this treatment..good for you for standing up for herself and your baby. He is not in a frat...he is going to be a father. There is a difference and if he can't enjoy himself with getting trashed then he has some serious decisions to make.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

I am so sorry you have to go through this. What your DH did was so completely f'd up....i give you credit for handling it better then i would. First of all i give you props for staying out till 2AM...i can't even make it till midnight some nights when we are out with friends.

Drinking like the way it sounds like he was drinking is something you do in your early 20's. There is no need to drink your face off till 5AM in the morning...ESPECIALLY when you have a pregnant wife at home.

My advice to you is to take nothing less then a total apology from your DH that he initiates. And also an agreement on his part that he will never, ever act this way again. If he can't do that then your and your baby deserve better.

And i would get rid of this so called "friend" as well. There is not a chance in hell i would sleep on a couch with a friends husband, especailly after a night of drinking.

Good luck

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Staying out & getting drunk, while not the act of a "ideal father", your husband isn't there yet. I know plenty of guys that "live it up" before their wives had babies. Is it acceptable? No, probably not. Is it understandable? Maybe. Is it forgiveable? Yes. Do you need to tell him that? Nope. Sleeping with a female friend on the couch? Well, you have the rest of his life to punish him for that - or at least a really long while, and then for your sake, let it go.

As for the friend? Out of line. Completely. Generally I underreact to everything - but everyone is completely on the mark. She would have to do some major kissing up & then I may not forgive that one.

The tenant? Tell him if he wants to stay where he is, he better MYOB in the future - or he'll find himself on the street. I dont' care what kind of friend he thinks he is - everyone is right - you don't get in the middle of a marriage - ever.

When I was pregnant, my husband didnt come home from a concert one night. While I was pretty sure he was at his friend's house, he didn't call. I'm not a worrier at all but called his cell phone 3x. Then I thought "he's probably passed out at his friends house." By the time he called me back a few hours later, I had him dead on a parkway. I was so upset. I got out, "I thought you were...I can't even talk to you right now." and hung up. The guilt was enough that neither of us had to say another word about it.

I'm sorry this is a sucky time right now for you.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Omg I would be soooooooooooooooo flippin pizzed. I would have done everything you did. I agree with everything Rachel said and with Barbara about the tenant... if he knows what's good for him, he'd stay out of you and your DH's business and stop contributing to problems.

Wow...I guess I can understand that your DH is freaking out a bit with becoming a father, but he need to grow the F up and quick.

Your "friend"...well, I'd consider having a chat with her too...once you've cooled off (would take me weeks maybe to cool off from this!)

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this!

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Unfortunately this story is something I could see myself writing in the future... my to you.

I would have done the same thing you did and how frustrating that even when you went there he was so drunk he fell back asleep!

If he thinks your making a big deal out of it, maybe he's being defensive b/c he knows he was completely out of line?

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

I dont even know what to say...

I would be furious... and I think my DH would be black and blue!!!!!!


1st off- he shouldve left with you.... bottom line.... there was NO reason for you to have to go home by youself.... He partied until 2am..... Which IMO is pretty damn late- I dont know how you even stayed up til them.....

Then sleeping on the couch with another woman??- COMEPLETLY DISRESPECTFUL! - I dont know what I wouldve done.... but seriously wouldve been a lot worse than just handing him my ring....

Im so so so sorry.... Lots of hugs to you! Becuase I think you are handling things wonderfully..... How dare your husband say you are making a bigger deal of this than necessary.....He's lucky all his stuff isnt out on the curb...


As for the friend and the tenant.... They are digusting and shouldve never ever ever gotten involved.... how dare they!

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

I would be really ****** too. Sorry you are going through this.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Posted by michele31


I am shocked that he was so self absorbed and that all of these friends were as well.
I would not stand for this treatment..good for you for standing up for herself and your baby. He is not in a frat...he is going to be a father. There is a difference and if he can't enjoy himself with getting trashed then he has some serious decisions to make.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

i would have been so angry at dh too, if he did that.

any updates?

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Posted by DebG

Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, I've been sitting here thinking about this. I would be extremely p-ssed off not only at your DH, but at your tenent, too. Who does this person think they are? I mean, you NEVER get involved in someone else's marriage. NEVER. For them to say something to you when you wanted to leave was SO ridiculously out of line it's not even funny. And as for your "friend", how dare she sit back and not have YOUR best interest at heart? F them all! I'm not saying your DH is not in the wrong here, I'm just looking at all the OTHER things wrong with the situation, as well. I think it's time to stop spending ANY time with your tenent and this "friend". If I recall, hasn't your tenent given you sh-t in the past, already? I would be gearing up right now to say something to HIM, as well.

I have to agree with EVERYTHING Rachel just wrote.
Your feelings are 100% justified and I would be just as ticked off as you are.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Im just so sorry you have to be PG and go through this. After the anger, there must be some hurt there and I hope you are able to talk it out and move on so you dont add any added stress to you or the baby.

What an awful situation...Im sure in time it will work out, but till then, hang in there, and I hope your able to vent and get some support here and with other friends you may have.

talking it out may help you move on from it.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Wow, that is ridiculous! I agree with a previous poster. This is definitely a stage in his life where he should be over getting wasted and passing out at someone's house. It screams immaturity to me, and I would definitely be worried about having a baby with this person.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

Posted by Kate

Wow. That is inexcusable; I don't blame you for being mad. Hopefully he will get his act together soon now that the baby is coming.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo

I'm still really pizzed about the whole thing, but I'm slightly calmed down- well at least I'm not screaming and crying anymore.
DH knows how upset I am with him and he is appologetic. I've been promised nothing like this would/will ever happen again and he plans on leaving with me in the future. Is he in my good graces? Not really, but I'm sure I'll get over it in a little while.
As far as the "friend" goes, I have no intentions of continuing that friendship. I don't even have a desire to yell at her, I just want nothing to do with her. Dh and the tenant had a big talk today and he knows that he had no right to even get involved. He plans on apologizing to me, but DH told him to wait until I've calmed down- which is probably a good idea.
It's just tough to be pregnant and feel like you're in it alone. I know my DH is a better person than he sometimes acts like. He can be extremely selfish, but he can also be really great. He definitely still has some growing up to do, and hopefully he has learned a big lesson from all this.

Thank you all so much for your support and just letting me vent. As silly as it sounds, I know that I can always count on you ladies!

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

I'm glad you guys talked about it. Hopefully DH means it when he says it won't happen again.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

glad to see your update - sorry you had to go through it all!

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

Glad you've talked it out.

I just wanted to add that just because someone acts like a jerk on an occasion, doesn't mean he won't change his tune when the baby comes.

It does and has happened to many of us on the parenting board.

My father to be has become one of the best dads around. Picks them up from daycare, plays soccer, wears silly hats for them & cooks dinner every night, etc. On a rare occasion, he acts like an idiot but never at the expense of me or my kids.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

Oh no, I would be flipping too, and you dont need this stress on your body right now either! I really dont know what I would do besides the screaming, yelling prob start throwing his clothes on the lawn, crying. I think I would want a lil time apart ( like a week) so that I can calm down and he can really think about if this is really what he wants a family or to act like a teenager. As much as I love my DH, no man is going to hold me back on my future dreams especially when there is a child involved now. Be strong, good luck and I would buy him some expecting father books so he is more involved. My DH asked for some when we were in the bookstore sunday, I thought it was so cute! Sometimes they feel left out and thats understandable just like at the wedding all the attention is on us. I would also try and get deep and ask why he felt the need to stay out all night- I just feel its more than just he is scared about having a family- if I read that right. Does he feel like his freedom is going to go away? that he cant hang out, drink and still be silly with his friends just because a baby is on the way? I think he needs to realize yes a baby changes your life but not in a bad way- you can still hang out go away go to parties drink just need to be responsible even if there wasnt a baby involved. Its just being mature about a situation. Best of luck to you!!! This is a good time to go to counseling too- get it all out on the table NOW not later.

oh and ps about the friend- oh you are strong!!!!! me - well- ahahahahahhh she would get a piece of what I was feeling. but you are right dont let her get the best of you!

Message edited 6/6/2006 9:11:50 AM.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

glad to hear you've calmed down. I know exactly how you feel..when will they f-ing grow up? My dh is 31 and still acts like he's 20. Haven't they had enough already?

I'm glad you stood your grounds on how you feel. I hope things get better.

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

I'm glad things are calming down! Feel better!

Re: DH is in deep dog doo-update on pg 2

Glad to hear things are looking up. I think you are doing the right thing about the "friend".