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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
My Mother's best friend passed away yesterday afternoon, after a long battle (5 years) with several types of cancer. She was only 51 years old, and leaves behind a 21 yr old college senior (she was a single mom, and this is her only child.)
Of course, we all understand that the past several months have been torture for this poor woman. She was not herself at all, and spent the last 2 weeks heavily medicated in her hospital bed. She was flat broke, but she was a veteran, and received wonderful care at the hospital in Northport.
There is only one service (6pm-9pm, with a service at 8:30pm, this evening only), and then she is to be cremated.
I'm very upset, because there is no one to cover for me at my job. There are only 2 other receptionists with the ability to close the office, and one is out of the state, the other is out of the country. When Saturday rolls around, I will have worked 62 hours this week. I won't get out of work until 8pm tonight, and the funeral home is 15 minutes away. 
I feel so horrible. I'm so tempted to just LEAVE work tonight and not close, but I need this job. I even called the owner's wife to see if she could cover for an hour and close the place, and all she could say was, "Oh Bummer! I promised my Mom I'd meet her out east." She didn't even apologize OR send her condolances (even if they weren't existent, she could've at least said something, right?)
Also, I don't think it's appropriate to send flowers, as there is only 1 service and she will not be buried. Is there something else I can do for the family? (Mainly the 21 year old daughter)...
Thanks guys.
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Posted 8/3/05 9:08 AM  |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
what makes it worse is that on Monday night, my parents had several meetings, and sat down to dinner very late. After they were finished, my Dad asked Mom if she wanted to go see "L", and Mom answered that it was already 8:30, it would be almost 9 when they got to the hospital, and "L" would be asleep.
So they didn't go. She passed 16 hours later.  Mom is beating herself up, and I don't even know what I can say to comfort her.
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:19 AM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
I'm so sorry Shorty.   Do you know anyone that could cover for you- a friend or even FH?
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:21 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Thank you, but it's closing a medical office - deposits, spreadsheets, collecting copays, etc.
I wish someone else could do it! 
eta: thanks for responding, and the hugs!
Message edited 8/3/2005 9:47:56 AM.
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:41 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can bring the family?
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:51 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
is it too late to call in sick?
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:53 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Posted by Shorty
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can bring the family?
I have started writing checks. It might me impersonal, but I think it really helps the family
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:53 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
in all honesty....you being there as support is really the best thing someone can give...
Flowers and fruit are nice but support and a ear to listen to or shoulder to cry on is MOST important.
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:54 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Posted by Janice
is it too late to call in sick?
I'd be lying if I didn't say I was considering it....
but they already know the situation, and they'd know right away. I can't lose this job right now! They work so well with my class schedule.
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:56 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Sorry to hear this sad news. One thing I would suggest is to help her daughter with things around the house or errands. My parents died within a short time of one another and after my dad's death (he passed after my mom) I was finding it very difficult to drive. I had a tough time keeping focused and started taking public transportation to work. It also seemed like a big effort to do grocery shopping and cleaning - I just didn't have the energy. My roommate at the time was great at picking up some of the extra work temporarily until I was more myself.
ETA: Even if the funeral parlor is 15 minutes away, I would still go after work. They rarely kick people out at the dot of 9:00 and you will have at least 45 minutes there. I think it will mean a lot to the family that you came, even if for a short time.
Message edited 8/3/2005 9:59:53 AM.
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:58 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Posted by Redhead
in all honesty....you being there as support is really the best thing someone can give...
Flowers and fruit are nice but support and a ear to listen to or shoulder to cry on is MOST important.
I was much closer to "L" than I am to her daughter. I feel like it would be a little weird if I just stepped in now and tried to be her support...do you know what I mean?
I'm going to beg the Dr. that's on staff tonight to cover my paperwork for me - I should be able to skip out as early as 7:30.
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| Posted 8/3/05 9:59 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Posted by dpli
Sorry to hear this sad news. One thing I would suggest is to help her daughter with things around the house or errands. My parents died within a short time of one another and after my dad's death (he passed after my Mom) I was finding it very difficult to drive. I had a tough time keeping focused and started taking public transportation to work. It also seemed like a big effort to do grocery shopping and cleaning - I just didn't have the energy. My roommate at the time was great at picking up some of the extra work temporarily until I was more myself.
That is so sad. I'm sorry about your parents.
I just found out that this girl will be living with her father until she heads back to college. Tough relationship there, but death changes things, so maybe things will be different. 
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| Posted 8/3/05 10:00 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
I'm a sorry for your loss.
I can't believe your boss was so rude!
You can send a condolance card to the daughter & maybe bring over meals she can freeze or something like that.
But if you wnet straight from work, you may be able to get there by 8:30 for the service. Even if you are in work clothes, it would be fine. I have seen that before at wakes, people at wakes coming in uniforms, etc & you could tell that there were just trying to get there as soon as they could from work, or on their way to work.
Also, even if you got there as it was over & every one was leaving, you could still offer your condolences to the family. People tend to mill around a little.
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| Posted 8/3/05 10:04 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Thank you, Heather. Even if I can't get out early, I'll be there as soon as I can.
FH is going to pick me up at work and take me straight there.
Like I said, I'm glad she's not suffering anymore...this was a woman with SOOOO much life. She was always laughing, and told people, "I'm not going to let something as dumb as cancer beat me - you gotta grab it by the b@lls, just like any other sonofabitch!"  She cracks me up. 
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| Posted 8/3/05 10:10 AM |
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justme1
Proud SAHM
Member since 5/05 1955 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Im sure the Doctor your working for thats working that night wouldnt mind doing some of your paperwork under the circumstances.
So sorry not only for your loss but for the aggravation of simply just trying to attend her service.
As for what to send, how about something to her families house?...flowers, food..Some websites do such beautuful food displays.
Hope it all works out
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| Posted 8/3/05 10:14 AM |
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
I have no advice but I just wanted to give you some
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| Posted 8/3/05 10:24 AM |
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FeliciaDP
♥
Member since 5/05 18599 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Nic, I don't have any better advice than was already given, but I just wanted to give you lots of hugs and support
I am so sorry for your loss
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| Posted 8/3/05 11:09 AM |
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Leeners
:)
Member since 5/05 4898 total posts
Name:
Eileen
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
That's terrible news, I'm very sorry to hear this!!
As for what you can do, I would say that maybe cooking a meal and bringing it to them to freeze and eat later would be a very nice gesture. It's those little chores that are seemingly impossible at this point and having a decent meal ready for them would be a nice change from the eating out, or non-eating, they're bound to do in the next few weeks.
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| Posted 8/3/05 11:20 AM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Nic, I am so sorry for your loss
Even if you can't get out of work until 8, you will still have a good 45 minutes at the funeral home. Just do the best you can, and be there for your mother when she wants to talk/cry.
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| Posted 8/3/05 11:38 AM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
I am sorry for your loss...I agree to go to the funeral home as soon as you can.
Is there any way for the doctors to leave the paperwork for you to pick up after the service to take care of or can you handle it first thing the next day?
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| Posted 8/3/05 11:49 AM |
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LFitzy79
can hardly wait
Member since 5/05 2650 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
What about leaving the office at 6-letting the dr's that are working cover for you with the clients as far as having them sign in, etc. and then come back tonight after the funeral and do your close-out stuff. Just have one of them lock-up, and then let yourself in tonight, and do the close-out.
Is there anything in your employee manual about bereavement? check it, you might be able to walk out the door for the funeral-they can't fire you over something the employee manual gives you the right to. What a bunch of jerks, I can't beleive the wife just said "bummer"-jerk.
I am sorry for your loss.
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| Posted 8/3/05 11:49 AM |
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MsG
Should be working
Member since 5/05 2824 total posts
Name:
G
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
I am so sorry I think just being there for the family afterwards is a great gift. There is such a whirlwind during the wake/funeral time and then....reality hits. Maybe you can just take the daughter out to lunch, keep in touch, go the the movies,etc.
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| Posted 8/3/05 1:12 PM |
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MsMa
Momma's Boy ?
Member since 5/05 1453 total posts
Name:
Meri
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
Can you leave your job alittle early go to the service than go back to work to "close up".
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| Posted 8/3/05 2:13 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
I don't know what t say that hasn't already been said. Since her child is so close to your age, that puts you in a good position to try to be there for her.
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| Posted 8/3/05 4:30 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: Kinda upset/How can I help question (sorry, long.)
One of the best things people did for us after our son died was drop off prepared food so all we had to do was heat stuff up. Maybe bringing her a dish a week for awhile would help! I'm sure she's not going to be in the mood to cook for quite sometime. And she will probably appreciate the heck out of the gesture
I am sorry for your loss
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| Posted 8/3/05 6:45 PM |
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