The Horrible Question you dont want to think about.

If you know someone who was molested by a relative when they were a child, would you allow your child around that person's relative?

I know the automatic answer is absolutely not. But I can't even count on one hand the number of people I know who stay in contact with a parent/uncle/cousin who did this. Yet they hold their kid's birthday parties - and the relative may/may not be there.

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Never ever would I let them anywhere near my children!!

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Hell NO! would I let them near my kids.

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Not in a million years.

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But do you know anyone? It just seems so prevalent - and I can't see including these people at a family gathering. I find it really disturbing.

Would you skip the party? Think about it, your close friend's uncle & she's holding her son's birthday party.

Message edited 4/18/2006 4:01:16 PM.

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Message edited 4/19/2006 3:56:12 PM.

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No, I would not let my child near this person. I have a hard enough time coming to terms with allowing my mother near my (future - when the time comes) child since she was physically and verbally abusive to me as a child and continues to be verbally and emotionally abusive.

The one situation I know of where a relative abused a child, the abuser died long ago. I do not know how the person who was abused would handle things now that she has a child of her own, if he were around. I'm guessing that she would be very uncomfortable, at the very least...

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You have to go with your gut. I wouldn't let my child near someone like that.

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My cousins were molested by their father (my mom's sister's husband, now ex-husband), and if he were not in jail right now, no, I would not let my child around him. Infact, my parents never let us around him alone even when WE were kids before we knew anything about him molesting his children.

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I know someone who was molested by their cousin and for years kept it a secret and had to see him at functions. I can only imagine the pain When she finally told her parents, they were never together again but it was difficult for years and broke up the family. I feel so terrible for anyone dealing with this.

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I have a family member who was molested by another family member... and i was allowed around that family member until i got to be the age that he seemed to like

When it happened, the person who was molested did not tell anyone for a very long time, because he did the usual 'nobody will believe you,' bit. And, her father was very sick at the time, so she did not want to upset her mother anymore by saying anything.

Also, I guess, that was something that you just didn't talk about... When she finally told her mother and my mother, she asked them to not say anything since it had ended...

But growing up I would stay over their house on occassion, but usually with my grandmother also there.

When I turned 11, the woman came out and told everyone what was going on... And the man's wife said it was a lie... and we haven't spoken since.

I think I was one of the reason's she finally came clean... and I'm greatful for that. I know he has granddaughters now, however, and I hope he doesn't do the same thing to them.

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No way and I would not be talking to that family member either!

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I am interested in hearing parents opinions on this since I have a very close friend in this very situation. What if you "have no choice" meaning that the offender is in your immediate family and you have to see them on various occasions? (holidays). Notice I put "have no choice" in quotes because in essence you do have a choice to see your family or not but.....once she has children what choice does she have? To never see her family again?

I tell her no way you just dont go and see them ever but in some cases its easier said then done I suppose.

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H E L L NO!

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Posted by missus-hbradio


I tell her no way you just dont go and see them ever but in some cases its easier said then done I suppose.

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those people are too afraid or too lazy. i would never leave my child knowingly with someone with a that kind of history. that is SAD that they would do such a thing!

Message edited 4/18/2006 8:26:53 PM.

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No way!

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Thankfully, I have not been in this position. In some cases, it probably IS easier said than done. The situation that was given as an example, I think it was "your best friend's son's party and someone was there" (that had molested someone). I would go, but I would be 100% certain that the person was no where near my child! I would also make sure that there was no possible way for my child to ever be over this person's house without my presence if there was a possibility of this person being there.

Of course, I would like to think that I would never have to be in this situation. In some cases, I might not put myself in it depending on the people involved.

My heart goes out to anyone that has had to deal with this kind of a thing.

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no.
we have a relative in the family who has been known to molest children. luckily, we are not very close with him, but if we were, and i had children, they would not be allowed near him.
no way!

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I know someone who had a really tough time with this. Her sister was divorced and they suspected that someone in the ex-husband's family was molesting her sister's daughter. The ex would take the children for the weekend and then leave them with his mom for hours on end, where they were around this family member on a semi-regular basis. Legally, they couldn't keep her from seeing him, because he had custodial rights and since they had no proof, and the child never came out and stated explicitly that she had been molested, they couldn't really do anything. they told the ex not to leave them alone ever, but he did whatever he wanted and ignored them. It really was heartbreaking.

I also know someone else who had a family member inappropriately touch a cousin on the other side of her family. When her parents found out, they cut off all contact with this person, which resulted in her dad not speaking to any of his family. I think it is more difficult than people imagine, because if you choose to cut this person off, and people don't believe what happened, you can end up losing a relationship with most of your family. I think my friend's dad was right, but it is a lot tougher than you might imagine.

Message edited 4/18/2006 10:11:17 PM.