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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
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Message edited 8/22/2007 9:50:33 AM.
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Posted 5/23/05 8:36 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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LFitzy79
can hardly wait
Member since 5/05 2650 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
I'm sorry that your sad, maybe she thinks it's unspoken that she'll invite you to be in the BP. I don't think she would discuss it with you, with no intentions of asking you to be part of it.
And even if she doesn't ask you, you'll still have a great time at the wedding, without having to deal with all the preparations.
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| Posted 5/23/05 8:57 AM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
Posted by suvenR
It makes us feel like we probably over-judged our relationship with her. And, it's going to be kind of embarassing that she was in our wedding, but we won't be in hers. 
I'm sorry you are upset over this, but let me try to explain from her point maybe. I have been in TONS of weddings of friends (maybe 10-12 at this point) and I love my friends to death and was happy to be a part of their special day.
When it came time for myself to get married I only had MY FAMILY in the bridal party for a number of reasons - the #1 reason being, I have a HUGE family and I didn't want to have like 18 girls in my wedding party, it's just not me. So I had 8 girls - all related to me. I didn't even want 8 girls to begin with but that was the bear minimum of family I could have.
Many of my friends understood but one friend in particular didn't at first. I felt bad not having her because we are GREAT FRIENDS, but I decided to do only family and I asked her to respect my wishes for my day. That didn't mean I didn't respect her or love her or want her to be involved in my day --- there is no reason why you cannot be involved if you aren't wearing a "special dress" ... but maybe she has her reasons for keeping it just family or just small.
To me, I'd rather not be in a wedding but go to a wedding and enjoy it wearing my own choice of clothes and saving on all the other things involved. It doesn't take away from how I feel about anyone. When you think about it, what does the bridal party really do but wear the same outfit and show up on the day of your wedding anyway? I guess that's why I didn;t feel bad about not having my friends in my bridal party. It didn't diminish how I felt about them or ruin our friendships in any way either.
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| Posted 5/23/05 9:10 AM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
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Message edited 8/22/2007 9:52:12 AM.
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| Posted 5/23/05 9:21 AM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
I wouldnt rush to say you "over judged" your relationship just because of that. While its a privilege to be asked , I Dont think your relationship means less to them or her due to this.
Dont rush to judge how they feel, unless you know for sure. This is how hurt feelings and misunderstandings occur.
If you feel a certain way, TALK TO THEM/HER about it.
Guessing as to her reasons is not only not fair to her, but may lead you to feel worse about something then is warranted.
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| Posted 5/23/05 9:21 AM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
people have their reasoning sometimes and it's not always as bad as it looks. And you said you don't know for sure that she won't ask you. Wait until she gets the ring and then speak to her. Good luck!
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| Posted 5/23/05 9:24 AM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
Posted by suvenR
Elbee, she is our family. She will be having friends, family on her other side, and her boyfriend's family- even one whom she doesn't like.
That's the part that makes us sad. And, it's going to be embarassing for us. Like we did something wrong, or she just doesn't like us that much.
I had to add- embarassing? No-one is going to even think twice about anyone on her wedding day but HER and her husband, so theres nothing to be embarassed about. MY DH is VERY close to my cousin, but he didnt ask him to be a GM, he is closer to friends of his. I am also VERY close to DH's cousin, I didnt ask her yet I asked my SIL ( who I do like all that much) because it was the right thing to do..
Again, I dont mean to be harsh, but I think you get hurt or offended way too easily....I dont think she ever intended for you to feel hurt, so to be theres no reason to be. TALK to her about it. She has the answers , not us.
Good luck!
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| Posted 5/23/05 9:24 AM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
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Message edited 8/22/2007 9:53:35 AM.
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| Posted 5/23/05 9:30 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
look at this way - -you are saving money and time spent on preparations
that's how i always look at it
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| Posted 5/23/05 9:44 AM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
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Message edited 8/22/2007 9:54:04 AM.
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| Posted 5/23/05 9:47 AM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
Posted by suvenR
Posted by dm24angel
Again, I dont mean to be harsh, but I think you get hurt or offended way too easily....I dont think she ever intended for you to feel hurt, so to be theres no reason to be. TALK to her about it. She has the answers , not us.
Good luck!
Well, we can't really ask her "Why aren't we in your bridal party?" 
why not?
I mean I would phrase it differently, but if your that close to include her in your BP and think she should you in hers, then I would think you could discuss with her hurt feelings.
Ask her how she made her decision..and also its kinda premature to think about it, what if she DOES ask you down the line. Dont let things affect you till they happen for sure, worry about the bigger things and let it happen as it will. JMO
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| Posted 5/23/05 12:07 PM |
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preciouslove
I love my DS!!!
Member since 5/05 9340 total posts
Name:
Blank
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
Posted by dm24angel
Posted by suvenR
Posted by dm24angel
Again, I dont mean to be harsh, but I think you get hurt or offended way too easily....I dont think she ever intended for you to feel hurt, so to be theres no reason to be. TALK to her about it. She has the answers , not us.
Good luck!
Well, we can't really ask her "Why aren't we in your bridal party?"
why not?
I mean I would phrase it differently, but if your that close to include her in your BP and think she should you in hers, then I would think you could discuss with her hurt feelings.
Ask her how she made her decision..and also its kinda premature to think about it, what if she DOES ask you down the line. Dont let things affect you till they happen for sure, worry about the bigger things and let it happen as it will. JMO
I agree with dm24angel...why can't you say something to her especially since you feel so hurt over it.
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| Posted 5/23/05 12:11 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
I understand how you feel about her not asking you especially since you had her in yours. But I don't think you and your DH are out just yet. I know that I when I was picking my BP, I would talk about it to people that I was planning to ask but hadn't yet. Maybe she was putting out a feeler.
Anyway...there's not even a ring or date set yet so I wouldn't get too worked up about it. PLUS...like someone else said - NOT being in the BP DOES have it's benefits: no BP drama, no shower & bachelor(ette) party contributions -- you'll be saving yourselves hundreds of dollars!!
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| Posted 5/23/05 12:20 PM |
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WoodIAm
My Boys!
Member since 5/05 5498 total posts
Name:
JoAnne
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
look at this way - -you are saving money and time spent on preparations
that's how i always look at it
Seriously! It's not always a bad thing not to be in a wedding!!!
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| Posted 5/23/05 2:13 PM |
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preciouslove
I love my DS!!!
Member since 5/05 9340 total posts
Name:
Blank
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
You do get to save a bundle of money...trust me I have been sooooo many bridal parties and although I have had a lot of fun with them, it's been costly too.
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| Posted 5/23/05 2:14 PM |
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princess99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3944 total posts
Name:
ME
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
Look at it this way, she is not engaged yet so a lot of things can change and she might ask you.
You will save a lot of $$ and you can be a guest and enjoy yourself. I am actually relived when i am a guest in a wedding especailly after being a bride.
I have a bunch of BM dresses just hanging that I will never wear again.
HTH
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| Posted 5/23/05 3:51 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
Im kind of in the same situation. I got married back in '99. My bridal party consisted of my sister, 2 cousins (and they are sisters) and my dearest friend Ro (aka Luvsbob).
My really good friend from HS is getting married in Oct. and she asked me to be in her bridal party. It was a little hard for me to say yes @ first, cuz I felt "funny". I did say yes and am so glad I did.
Before she got engaged (but was talking about it) I wanted to tell her how I felt, and I did apologize for not asking her. She was and still is living out of state, and I wanted to keep the bridal party just family. She completley understood.
Maybe she will ask you at a later date.
She may think it through. I still say (5 years later) I shouldve thought about it more, unfortunatley, you cant turn back time.
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| Posted 5/23/05 7:40 PM |
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TheInfamousOTG
Waiting for Lil' M....
Member since 5/05 3468 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bridesmaid isn't going to have us in her bridal party
I'm sorry Sue....
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| Posted 5/23/05 7:42 PM |
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