Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I would love to stay at home. But life being what it is. I do have a nanny and did stay home for about a 1 1/2 yr when my younger son was born, and loved it.

Message edited 5/12/2005 9:28:23 AM.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I have been on both sides of that fence and their are certainly pro's and con's to both. I certainly respect both positions enormously.

In the end both of my children are incredibly smart and beautiful and well rounded. One I stayed home full time with, the second by business is a lot more demanding. Overall I love what I do and I love my kids, no doubt they come first but they are not lacking anything. I am fortunat eenough to have a mother and cousin who tends to them when business calls.

I hear you about the husband, never see mine, he is a lawyer trying to work his way up in his firm...I guess another 15 years and we will have family dinners together oh joy.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Being the breadwinner in my family, unfortunately I don't think being a SAHM will ever be an option. I envy those families that can afford to live on one income.

That being said, I'm hoping to arrange my schedule to work at least one day from home to give me more time with the children. We'll see when the time comes.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I get a lot of criticism now that I'm pregnant and people have started asking whether I'll go back to work or not. Thing is, with us, financially we COULD afford for me to stay at home - it would be tight, but we could do it. But, in the long run, my career will probably bring in more income than DH's, once I get further along (I'm a new attorney). The fact is, though, that I have no desire to be a SAHM, and it never really crossed my mind. When I tell some people, they tend to judge - one girl plopped her 8 week old baby in my arms and said "you mean you're telling me you would give a baby this old to a complete stranger to take care of???" after I told her I would probably put my baby into infant care once my 8 weeks of maternity leave are up at my firm...

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Some of my co-workers are shocked when I say I would love to be a SAHM - I think I am more of a traditional thinker - it's always the way I imagined it to be when I became a mom. If I am not able to be a SAHM then I would at least work part time - but I REALLY don't want to work full time.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

my friend is a SAHM. I envy her and her DH because he makes a lot of $$.
I would LOVE to stay home for the first few years, but we couldnt afford it

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Anyone think about Stay at home DADS?

My friend and I were talking about this, and her husband has volunteered to stay at home with the kids if she brings in more money, which I thought was great. She says that the only way it would work otherwise is if one of them works at night, since they also have her elderly parents to take care of.

I don't have a plan, but I never thought I would be a SAHM. I do have a large family to babysit, but growing up everyone who could work did, and so I never thought about being a SAHM as an option, honestly. My DH works from home, so he's a SAHD by default , and I *hopefully* one day will work from home as well. That's the ideal for us. When I thought about it, I planned on working part-time for the first few years and then going back full-time after the children were in school.

That being said, I find it interesting that it's always the woman who is expected to give up her career. It also put a lot of pressure on the husband to make enough money, and they tend not to see the kids nearly as much, especially if they have to work extra hours. Maybe both of you could work part-time so the kids will have both of their parents as strong influences, just for a few years. Just a thought, a different option.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Posted by nsgraham

Anyone think about Stay at home DADS?

My friend and I were talking about this, and her husband has volunteered to stay at home with the kids if she brings in more money, which I thought was great. She says that the only way it would work otherwise is if one of them works at night, since they also have her elderly parents to take care of.

I don't have a plan, but I never thought I would be a SAHM. I do have a large family to babysit, but growing up everyone who could work did, and so I never thought about being a SAHM as an option, honestly. My DH works from home, so he's a SAHD by default , and I *hopefully* one day will work from home as well. That's the ideal for us. When I thought about it, I planned on working part-time for the first few years and then going back full-time after the children were in school.

That being said, I find it interesting that it's always the woman who is expected to give up her career. It also put a lot of pressure on the husband to make enough money, and they tend not to see the kids nearly as much, especially if they have to work extra hours. Maybe both of you could work part-time so the kids will have both of their parents as strong influences, just for a few years. Just a thought, a different option.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I would love to SAH part-time, but it is just not an option for us right now

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I always thought I would stay at home, but now that I'm pregnant I just don't think it's going to be possible, financially. Also I'm starting to really like my job and wondering about what options I'll have in the future. I'm an attorney and someday I'd love to go to the US Attorney's Office. If I leave work now, though, I'll never have that opportunity. It's so confusing. Last week my dh and I just started talking about hiring a nanny.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I am going to go back to work PT. We could swing it if I didn't work at all but there is no reason for me to give up my career completely. I can make good money working PT and my career is a very mom friendly one.

I plan to stay home until the baby is about 4 months old though and then ease back into working.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I work from home --- but I think when the time comes I will either quit or cut down to part-time.

We can live on DH's salary -- maybe cut back on luxuries, but I think my time will be more valuable to my baby than the latest trends in clothes or whatever...

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I would love to be a SAHM when the time comes, but with the cost of living these days, I don't think it's possible...maybe by the time baby #2 comes alone

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I would love for one of us to be able to stay home (we discussed this a few months ago). But financially we wouldn't be able to do that

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Posted by Bxgell2

I get a lot of criticism now that I'm pregnant and people have started asking whether I'll go back to work or not. Thing is, with us, financially we COULD afford for me to stay at home - it would be tight, but we could do it. But, in the long run, my career will probably bring in more income than DH's, once I get further along (I'm a new attorney). The fact is, though, that I have no desire to be a SAHM, and it never really crossed my mind. When I tell some people, they tend to judge - one girl plopped her 8 week old baby in my arms and said "you mean you're telling me you would give a baby this old to a complete stranger to take care of???" after I told her I would probably put my baby into infant care once my 8 weeks of maternity leave are up at my firm...

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I wish, when the time comes, I could be a SAHM. I know it is HARD work but I'd rather work hard for my baby and my home then for a company!

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I am a working mom - for the most part by choice. I do get comments and it is mostly from very traditional woman. Itis annoying and I wish people could just respect my decision. I do work from home and what I hate even more is the comment - oh it is so gerat you work parttime and people asking me to do stuff on days I work from home....they are like you are home - hello - I am working fulltime and 2 days a week I am working 2 jobs at once and it is stressfull but yet I am greatful for this opp - just cutting my commute alone is such a savings to have more time with my baby! Like others above, in my career path it may be tough for me to get back in and make it where I would have always hoped to be....so I am afraid to leave for awhile. I may change my goals or mind in years to come but right now I have a decent deal.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I agree with all the other SAHM's. I too am one with 2 small children and its WORK!!
Harder then any other job I have ever had but I wouldn't change it for the world.
If you can financially afford to do so, there is nothing more wonderful in the world.

I think most ppl are respectful of it even if they are working moms.
Its a personal choice.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

There are always going to be people out there who think hey did it the "right" way. My mom was a SAHM, and she worked SO hard. Others in her family worked and left the kids with grandma or a babysitter. They criticize my mom for not working all of those years, but I don't think it's so great to have your kids in daycare either. There are ups and downs to either one, neither is an ideal situation (unless hubby makes a lot of money..hehe). I think I want to be a SAHM at least while the kids are young. I don't want to miss first words and first steps and have them raised by someone else. Ideally I'd like to have a part time job, maybe work one or two days a week and in that time my mom will watch them for a few hours, but most of the time I'll be with them. That's just what I want. Some people think it's more important to go to work and ahve the money to give tyour kids vacations and toys and everything else they"need" I just think they need their mother more. But a lot has to do with how you grew up. I grew up with a SAHM and we didn't have much money, but I would never have traded it for the world and I know my mom wouldn't have either. I never ONCE in my entire life had a babysitter or any kind, and I always with family and not strangers. I think that's ideal and that's what I want to give my children. Ideally I'd like to be able to give them the material things they want and need too, so that's why I'll try to save money before I have kids and support FH in his career. He already makes more $$ than my dad ever did, so hopefully by the time we have kids, he'll be making more than enough money to support us all! I do want a career though. I don't think I'd feel fulfilled only staying home forever. Once the kids are in school, I'm definitely going to get back out there and start working.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I would love to be a SAHM, but I dont think its going to be possible, we have too many expenses.. mortgages, car payments, etc.. If anything, we will see if I can swing the PT thing.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

Posted by ChristineR

My husband says he would work 3 jobs so that I could be a SAHM, he knows how important is is to me. Most of my friends who have children are SAHM.

Re: Working Mom vs Stay at Home mom

I do not have children yet, so I have no idea how I will really feel when the time comes. However, right now I think I would like to stay home 1-2 years (which my job would allow). Then I would return to my teaching position. If I can afford to do this it would be great. I cant imagine giving up my career forever, but a year or two would be great. We dont have anyone in our family that could help us take care of a baby so it would have to be me. I have no idea if we will be able to afford this when the time comes. Dh has made many comments that he would LOVE to be a SAHF. I dont know if he truly realizes what it would entail, but it is sweet that he says it and means it. I guess we'll see.
I totally understand why moms work by choice or not. I also think it is great with moms choose to stay home and make the baby the focus. Everyone needs to do what works for them.