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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by Shorty
but I don't see why he wouldn't want to add it to your savings?
Because the whole point of giving him the gift is so he could get something for himself. If his parents wanted the money to be shared... they would have given it to both of you.
Not for nothing.. but remember it is HIS parents... blood related for life.
And if this is something that all the kids get... and have been getting for years... you can't really say anything.
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Posted 1/12/06 9:19 PM  |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
I would be ****** off too. I think if he gets a side gift, you should get one too.
This year FH's grandparents sent HIM a hanukkah card and check. When I saw the envelope it only had his name on it, but I thought maybe on the inside they would have my name too, but no dice.
I'd be angry...the $75 should have been for both of you, just like the crock pot, and it seems like it wa done sneakily since you didn'ty even know it existed
ETA: I'd probably see it differently if it weren't money...I thinki if you got a ccrock pot and he got a shirt and tie, no big deal..but since it's money it doesn't sit right with me...
Message edited 1/12/2006 11:12:11 PM.
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| Posted 1/12/06 11:09 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
i truly don't see the big deal here
1. it's HIS parents, if they want to give him a separate gift, they are entitled
2. people are all miffed because he didn't tell his wife about the money. We're talking about $75 -- not a heck of alot of money. I truly do not see the big deal. If he was hiding or not telling her about hundreds or thousands, that would be one thing. But keeping $75 for yourself is not going to upset the apple cart at all, IMO
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| Posted 1/12/06 11:18 PM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by Stefanie
For Christmas, my MIL gave my DH 100 dollars and me 70... Aren't we putting it in the same place? I think that my parents spent more on my Dh than me this year...
Whatever...
See, something like this would bother me a whole lot more. Why not just give you both a check for $170 then?
As for the original post, I can see why you're upset at DH for not telling you, but I don't think it's fair to be upset at his parents. DH's parents definitely gave him more and my parents definitely gave me more.
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| Posted 1/12/06 11:25 PM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
i truly don't see the big deal here
1. it's HIS parents, if they want to give him a separate gift, they are entitled
2. people are all miffed because he didn't tell his wife about the money. We're talking about $75 -- not a heck of alot of money. I truly do not see the big deal. If he was hiding or not telling her about hundreds or thousands, that would be one thing. But keeping $75 for yourself is not going to upset the apple cart at all, IMO
Exactly. This thread is a prime example of pettiness at its best.
Sometimes I feel people like to complain about their in-laws just for the sake of complaining.
If my wife got an extra gift at xmas from my MIL without me knowing it.... and she went out and got a sweater without telling me.... if I ever found out I would say something like "nice color".
Not for nothing... but I EXPECT my wife to get more gifts from her mom than I do. She gave birth to my wife for nuts sake. How long does she know me.... three / four years?
Lets see.... 28 years compared to three.... hmmmmm.
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| Posted 1/13/06 12:26 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
I have to admit, I may be overly sensitive about this issue because my in-laws treat me like dirt.... but I don't like the sneakiness of it in any case
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| Posted 1/13/06 12:42 AM |
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mskimmy98
My twins are one!!!
Member since 5/05 2540 total posts
Name:
Kimberly
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
i truly don't see the big deal here
1. it's HIS parents, if they want to give him a separate gift, they are entitled
2. people are all miffed because he didn't tell his wife about the money. We're talking about $75 -- not a heck of alot of money. I truly do not see the big deal. If he was hiding or not telling her about hundreds or thousands, that would be one thing. But keeping $75 for yourself is not going to upset the apple cart at all, IMO
Exactly. This thread is a prime example of pettiness at its best.
Sometimes I feel people like to complain about their in-laws just for the sake of complaining.
If my wife got an extra gift at xmas from my MIL without me knowing it.... and she went out and got a sweater without telling me.... if I ever found out I would say something like "nice color".
Not for nothing... but I EXPECT my wife to get more gifts from her mom than I do. She gave birth to my wife for nuts sake. How long does she know me.... three / four years?
Lets see.... 28 years compared to three.... hmmmmm.
I don't think I am being petty here, It is how I feel... and you may not agree and that is fine..and you don't know my history with my In-laws either....
I can see everyone points on the issue and do agree with some of them... and thanks everyone!
But let me just point out that this is the way my family is.. Fair is fair, you are married everything is equal.. Well maybe my family is wrong.. but you have to understand that this is where I am coming from and why I feel the way I do about this issue.
About him not telling me about the money (I don't care if it was 75.00 or 100,000)... If you are not telling me something for the two years we have been married.. you must in the back of your mind think it is wrong.. Same deal with his parents... If you are giving the gifts to all three kids after everyone is done opening christmas presents and gone away.. then you must feel on some level that this is wrong and don't want anyone to know so that no one gets hurt... If his parents feel nothing is wrong with this, then answer me this.. Why not just give the cards with the money when everyone is opeing the presents.
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| Posted 1/13/06 6:29 AM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by mskimmy98
If his parents feel nothing is wrong with this, then answer me this.. Why not just give the cards with the money when everyone is opeing the presents.
IMO, there is no need for secret gifts. And, it's VERY wrong for ANYONE to try get a married person to keep a secret from their spouse.
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| Posted 1/13/06 8:53 AM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
i truly don't see the big deal here
1. it's HIS parents, if they want to give him a separate gift, they are entitled
i agree 100%
perhaps his wording is another reason why you are angry. instead of referring to it as a "side" gift he could say it is an "additional" gift from my parents. either way, i don't think it is a reason to be upset.
Message edited 1/13/2006 10:30:09 AM.
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| Posted 1/13/06 10:28 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
You hit the nail on the head- I don't think this has as much to do with the gift as it does with your overall relationship with your IL's.
My DH has a great realtionship with my mom. She is getting us a video camera for Hanukah for when the baby comes.... but she also got me 2 sweaters. DH didn't care about the sweaters.
If you got along with her and she wanted to give your DH something extra- would you really be upset?
My mom will always give me more, because i am her daughter. She loves my DH, but as someone said, I am her kid- her flesh and blood. She carried me, raised me and loved me for the past 30 years. This has nothing to do with DH. Its about my relationship with my mom. Since she is generous with him, and treats him with love, kindness and respect, I don't think he would ever care if she gave me something extra. And I feel the same way about his mom.
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| Posted 1/13/06 10:32 AM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by mskimmy98
About him not telling me about the money (I don't care if it was 75.00 or 100,000)... If you are not telling me something for the two years we have been married.. you must in the back of your mind think it is wrong.. Same deal with his parents... If you are giving the gifts to all three kids after everyone is done opening christmas presents and gone away.. then you must feel on some level that this is wrong and don't want anyone to know so that no one gets hurt... If his parents feel nothing is wrong with this, then answer me this.. Why not just give the cards with the money when everyone is opeing the presents.
Because maybe his parents want to genuinely get him a gift. Remember this is a GIFT. Its not like he worked overtime and hid that money from you.
Maybe he didn't tell you because he knew you would end up complaining about it and would want to take this GIFT away from him.
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| Posted 1/13/06 10:44 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
They can give him whatever he wants...and he can do whatever he wants with it. Granted, I would like him to tell me but really, $75... it's a dinner out for two.
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| Posted 1/13/06 11:02 AM |
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andri
LIF Infant
Member since 11/05 241 total posts
Name:
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by VickiC
My parents try to be fair with all of us, but honestly, we're their daughters. We definitely get a few more things to open on Christmas Day. They're not stingy with their Sons-in-law, but they tend to give us an extra gift or two. I think that's only natural.
Exactly.
We'll get equal joint gifts of $$$ but my mom always throws in something "girly" for me & my sister.
This year was spa gift certificates.
IL's do the same thing. My DH doesn't mind at all.
I wouldn't be piss'ed at all. But if it was a significant $$$ amount higher..I'd question him about it.. $75 bucks I could easily spend "picking-up" a few things after work at the grocery store.
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| Posted 1/13/06 12:10 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
I'll be honest here, my mom gave me a little more than she gave DH. She gave us both the same, but then later told me she had a little extra and wanted to help me with my student loans. I do not pay my loans from our joint savings, I pay from my personal account, and she wanted this money specifically to go to that to help me out. I see nothing wrong with that--I thought it was so generous of her but I can see why, as parents, they would want to help their own kids out a little more.
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| Posted 1/13/06 1:13 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
I don't think it's that big a deal that his mother gives him a little extra on the side. I think it's odd that it's a secret.
I'm sorry you were so upset by it though.
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| Posted 1/13/06 1:16 PM |
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WoodIAm
My Boys!
Member since 5/05 5498 total posts
Name:
JoAnne
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by suvenR
IMO, there is no need for secret gifts. And, it's VERY wrong for ANYONE to try get a married person to keep a secret from their spouse.
That was my thought exactly! To me, an extra gift is no big deal but, why does it have to be a secret? Why wouldn't they just give it to him with the rest of his gifts? Neither DH or I would think twice about it then.
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| Posted 1/13/06 1:40 PM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by WoodIAm
Why wouldn't they just give it to him with the rest of his gifts?
1. Because if the gift is given in public... then you run the risk of being pursuaded by the wife on how you should spend your gift.
2. Because if its done in person... thats rude in itself. Do you really think "its cool" to hand the wife a $25... and the son $100 ???
I'll be DAMMED if I am forced to give my future DIL/SIL an equal amount of gifts, cash, whatever as I do my own flesh and blood.
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| Posted 1/13/06 1:54 PM |
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WoodIAm
My Boys!
Member since 5/05 5498 total posts
Name:
JoAnne
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
Posted by DjPiLL
2. Because if its done in person... thats rude in itself. Do you really think "its cool" to hand the wife a $25... and the son $100 ???
But they didn't give the wife a check did they? Maybe I missed that part.
Honestly though, I don't see anything wrong with them giving a check in front of others. But my Mom or MIL would have the cash/check wrapped up in a box and added it in with the gifts.
I'll be DAMMED if I am forced to give my future DIL/SIL an equal amount of gifts, cash, whatever as I do my own flesh and blood.
I agree (even though my Mom and MIL do give us equal amounts). But, my point was that I don't agree with it being so secretive.
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| Posted 1/13/06 2:21 PM |
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Ellie
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 581 total posts
Name:
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
if it makes you feel better....I got absolutely nothing from my IL for Christmas.
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| Posted 1/17/06 5:54 PM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22134 total posts
Name:
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
My parents (divorced but do the same thing) usually give us a gift, then a few me gifts and then something for DH. We don't hide them though and my mom is the kind that makes sure that DH opens an us gift too. ie: if she gives us $100, she'll give him a card and me a card each with $50 in it.
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| Posted 1/17/06 6:15 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Christmas Present In-Laws - Vent
This is why my MIL gives ME the $$$ and not to him.
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| Posted 1/17/06 6:17 PM |
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