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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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*sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
about feeling like I can't keep up...it's not my routine...it's the 'Keeping up with the Jones'" game.
this is not directed towards anyone...probably more at myself....but sometimes when I'm reading posts and everyone that has a Britax or a MaClaren I get so upset because I cannot fathom spending that kind of money....we absolutely cannot afford it and I feel like I'm doing my child an injustice by not buying these things for her.
At times I hate admitting to you all that alot of her clothes, despite being Ralph Lauren and Gymboree, have come from 2nd hand stores. I borrowed a high chair from a friend to save the $$.
Pity post over....thank you.
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Posted 6/28/06 9:32 PM  |
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Calla
My girls
Member since 7/05 4303 total posts
Name:
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
And I envy you for having a baby that sleeps through the night and always feel like I must have done something wrong since my **15** month old doesn't!
You are doing yourself an injustice by thinking that brands of baby gear matters. The high end brand is sometimes more convenient for momma, but baby doesn't know the difference.
You are a great mom, thats what means the most!
Message edited 6/28/2006 9:40:09 PM.
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| Posted 6/28/06 9:39 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
There is so much more to raising a child then having material things. My mother penny pinched, I never had designer clothes but I was very loved and happy. I can just tell from your posting what a great mother you are. She will have no idea what stroller she rode around in....only that her mother loved and adored her.  Image Attachment(s):
Message edited 6/29/2006 8:44:37 AM.
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| Posted 6/28/06 9:40 PM |
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-Laurie-
Hi!
Member since 5/05 2536 total posts
Name:
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Don't even sweat that kind of stuff. We are in a similar situation.
Spending tons to visit family, have a great house in the south but it expensive and you don't have the extra friends and family to help you do the work, babysit or buy random gifts.
We have an Evenflo Triumph 5 for my car and for Dh's we bought an Eddie Bauer foward facing for about 50 bucks. I could never afford a Britax or really fit one in our car or truck and unless airbags pop out of the carseat theindustry regulates them pretty darn well so for the most part they are equal just some carry a stronger more expensive name.
We got the ChiccoC5 as a stroller and it was about 75 bucks and well worth it.
There are alot of us in similar situations moneywise, please don't get upset. As long as you are doing your best for your daughter that is all that matters and that doesn't mean spending extra money.
Jack wears CVS diapers! There so cheap and work awesome and sometimes they have a buy one get one sale! Hey everylittle bit helps
Edited to add!!! The South has awesome Consigment stores!!!! That is nothing to be ashamed of!!
Message edited 6/28/2006 9:44:01 PM.
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| Posted 6/28/06 9:41 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Thanks guys. I sometimes can't help but be jealous of the NY mommies that can SAH and afford these things.
I know we're good parents and we sacrifice so much so she can have what she does have, but I wonder at times if people look at me differently because we don't spend more on certain things.
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| Posted 6/28/06 9:45 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
shana, you were always a smartie in the money department. With your cooking every night and your cost cutting techniques. It is very practical. I learned from working for my wealthy, wealthy bankers that they live so much more conservatively then I ever imagined. The assistants' kids would come in with designer gear, while the bankers kids had on regular clothes. Their wives drove Hondas.
you guys are homeowners. That is a huge leap. Anyone these days can keep up with the Jones, just how much cc debt are they holding though?
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| Posted 6/28/06 9:48 PM |
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IrishTracy
Believe!!
Member since 5/05 15167 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Both my daughters are sleeping in second hands beds. One was Patricks the others was DonnaMarie nieces. The highchair was my baby cousins. I have no problems w/ hand me downs or better yet BARGAINS!! I can not fathom spending $40 on a outfit for my baby. I know plenty of Moms who buy things off of e-bay.
You could put her in the same outfit everyday & she would grow up never thinking it was wrong. You don't miss what you never had. You are not doing her any injustice!!
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| Posted 6/28/06 9:49 PM |
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CheeChee
HI THERE!!!!
Member since 5/05 3416 total posts
Name:
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
oh Shana, dont feel this way....I too bought alot of Jacobs stuff from Walmart or Target or for God sake's off EBAY! Hell I got his crib and glider from Walmart. But its what worked for me $$$ wise, and like someone else said, he doesnt know from name brands or store names of where i purchased the items. He is happy b/c I love him and try to be the best mommy to him by playing/interacting/nuturing him. And that is what is important to Aly too. You providing her with a happy, healthy, safe, loving upbringing is what she will be remembering 20 yrs from now. Not what the label on her stroller said. Hugs to you sweetie..
If it makes you feel better, I"m jealous of your house. It's gorgeous, mine doesnt look like that!!!  
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| Posted 6/28/06 9:51 PM |
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MrsR
My love.
Member since 5/05 6247 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
I agree with all the other moms. Very well said! You are a terrific mom Shana, your daughter is very lucky.
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| Posted 6/28/06 9:53 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Thanks Friends! It's so hard not to be jealous of some of you and believe me, I am SO blessed with such a good baby!
What we have and do works for us and that is all that matters. My DD is healthy and beautiful and brings us so much joy.
Noreen...you should see the inside of my house....it's called Hurricane Alley because I simply can't do what I need/want to with her going to sleep at 6:30pm and working all day!
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| Posted 6/28/06 10:00 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Shana,
I have felt like that too! We like living debt free and I don't buy coach handbags or prada whatever-it's not me. Sometimes I get jealous about it but in the end if I spent $300 on a pocketbook and it got dirty I would lose it.
As for my daughter other than her christening gown I have never bought this child an expensive outfit- I refuse- not for something that she will wear a handful of times and out grow faster then my cat sheds! Her Easter outfit in the picture in my name for example I got a TON of compliments on it and it cost $21.95- it was a 4 piece outfit and that was it. I am a big Syms shopper for her. Who would have thought. There was another dress we had picked out for her birthday it was $45 in JcPenny's well Syms had it for $14.95- same dress same company EVERYTHING. I just won't do it. We do not have a britax car seat, I wish we did because mine is PITA but it did fine in the safety ratings and it was affordable for us and we were able to get 2 one for each car.
We own our home- we paid for it on our own, no help. Our house is 34 years old and it needs work, but we are doing it over time! I am not thrilled with how the house looks right now but we are doing it slowly without accumualting debt and we are proud that we are doing it on our own!
Don't feel like that- you are doing what is best for Ali and you know all Ali needs is for you to love her and teach her right from wrong and for you and your DH to help her to develop into a wonderful lady- all the rest doesn't mean Diddly!
Sorry for the ramble!
ETA because my rambling didn't make any sense- not it makes a little sense 
Message edited 6/28/2006 10:37:36 PM.
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| Posted 6/28/06 10:34 PM |
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Don't be jealous Sometimes I feel that way too, we don't go all out crazy buying things. We have Evenflo strollers, the girls wear clothes from Childrens Place, and no they don't get 1,000 birthday parties. But it does make me feel better to know that we are 100% percent debt free, and that when we buy a home the only debt we will have will be our mortgage. If you watch Oprah's debt dietr show, it really makes you wonder how many people with these things are in 80-100k of credit card debt. Trust me, it doesn't make a difference to the kids if they are in a Peg Perego or K Mart stroller, as long as they are loved!
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| Posted 6/28/06 10:39 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Shana,
Don't worry, you're not alone. You are doing your daughter a disservice making 2nd hand seem like a bad thing. I dont think there is anything wrong with it and I've had 3 people actually give me their baby clothes to save money and my Aunt has bought some stuff 2nd hand too. I grew up with some 2nd hand stuff too - kids DONT care...they just want to be loved.
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| Posted 6/28/06 10:39 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Posted by btrflygrl
I know we're good parents and we sacrifice so much so she can have what she does have, but I wonder at times if people look at me differently because we don't spend more on certain things.
Shana, it doesn't matter what others think of you. What matters is that you are doing the best you can with what you have.
I wouldn't have even known what you have or don't have if you didn't post this. So, IMO, I don't think that people see you differently because you don't have the most expensive stuff. And if people judge you by the material things that you have, then shame on them! They need to take a look in the mirror at what they DON'T have.
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| Posted 6/28/06 10:41 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
I totally agree with what everyone said.
Dont worry about these types of things.
I personally feel sad for those that feel they have to flaunt material things at every opportunity. IT makes me wonder about their insecurities, and why they feel a need to flaunt what they have. Past the teen years, its quite sad to see someone this way. I wouldnt envy them in the least.
and as a few people said, all they probably have is more credit card debt than you  So dont be fooled by what you think someone can "afford"... My mother always said, people will talk, sure, talk, thats about it.
Ive seen it with my own parents.
They own 2 homes in Queens, one with several rental incomes. They live a VERY practical lifestyle, and can probably "afford" much more than those that live a lavish lifestyle, who very well appear to afford more.
and thats how they raised us. Like a few others that have posted, we are proud to simply be homeowners in this day and age, and to have paid for everything from wedding to home on our own.
Its all about the type of person you are. You seem like a sincere wonderful mom and its obvious that your daughters health & happiness is your main concern. 
Now dont worry so much about that other stuff, youre doing a great job as a mommy!
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| Posted 6/28/06 10:55 PM |
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maryg
LIF Infant
Member since 5/06 196 total posts
Name:
Mary
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Posted by btrflygrl
about feeling like I can't keep up...it's not my routine...it's the 'Keeping up with the Jones'" game.
this is not directed towards anyone...probably more at myself....but sometimes when I'm reading posts and everyone that has a Britax or a MaClaren I get so upset because I cannot fathom spending that kind of money....we absolutely cannot afford it and I feel like I'm doing my child an injustice by not buying these things for her.
At times I hate admitting to you all that alot of her clothes, despite being Ralph Lauren and Gymboree, have come from 2nd hand stores. I borrowed a high chair from a friend to save the $$.
Pity post over....thank you.
Oh my God, and I thought I was the only baby cheap skate left....
Although I do have to admit, I saved up $5-$20 a month for 2 years to buy my son a McClaren stroller b/c I hate the really heavy bulky ones. But other than that I also bought used strollers for $20 every year b/c I walk a lot and they just fall apart.
I am embarrassed to admit but yea, all my kid's clothes come second hand as well. After the last kid's party I was at, where this mom was saying, how she would never put a used garage sale clothes item on her kid and everyone agreed, I just keep stuff like this to myself now. I mean just b/c my kid's clothes is second hand (or third or fourth) doesn't mean everyone needs to know. And he definitely doesn't look like he wears second hand clothes.
Of course with the exception of stained t-shirts he wears when laundry gets low or when he eats.
Don't feel bad! A lot of these people whose kids wear nice clothes and has fancy baby equipment also have a ton of cc debt and money needlessly spent on it. Don't get me wrong, I could if I wanted to buy all this stuff but why am I going to waste $200 every 3 months to buy new clothes my kid will grow out of every 3 months?? Instead I spend $10 and my kid gets a whole 4 months worth of outfits.
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| Posted 6/28/06 11:17 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Shana, there is nothing wrong with feeling like this, I know that I feel like this but you are together and love each other and have a house for her to grow up.
you know what, we give our kids what we can, when we can do it.
just know that I can relate to you so much.
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| Posted 6/28/06 11:25 PM |
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Denisemang
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 982 total posts
Name:
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Shana, please don't feel that way..
When I had Ava, my best friend offered me her Britax car seat, jumperoo, etc. I gracefully accepted. Yes, I was registering, but I figured the more I got second hand, the less I would have to register for..
I go to garage sales almost every weekend.. I have bought Ava clothes and toys, as long as they look clean and can be disinfected...
There is nothing wrong with second hand, sweetie. I actually admire you. You have great sense.... :)
You are a great Mommy and like all the other ladies said, all Ali cares about is her Mommy and Daddy's LOVE! :)) She is one lucky girl!
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| Posted 6/28/06 11:52 PM |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Don't worry about those things....you are a great mom and that is all that matters. I learned very quickly while I was living in Dallas that way too many people live a "champagne lifestyle on a beer budget!", so despite the outward riches that some may seem to have, for all we know they could be swimming in uncontrollable debt!
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| Posted 6/29/06 12:14 AM |
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jpsgirl
LIF Infant
Member since 7/05 272 total posts
Name:
Deb
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
I have my second daughter in a borrowed crib - I buy lots of used clothes on Ebay.....you are not alone!
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| Posted 6/29/06 12:27 AM |
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teacherwheart
LIF Infant
Member since 3/06 347 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
I am sighing right there with you. Although I am not officially a parent until Dec. I know I will be feeling the same things you are feeling. My DH and I are in the process of looking to move out of state so we too can give our little one a little more than we can here. I see nothing wrong with what you are doing because I will be doing the same thing. I do not even remember the last time I bought anything for myself in a mall. All of my clothes are from Target, TJ MAxx, and Marshalls and thats where my babies things will be from too. I never pay a lot because I cant afford it and its so not worth it. Money does not buy you happiness.
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| Posted 6/29/06 12:32 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Posted by BlessedBMommi
There is so much more to raising a child then having material things. My mother penny pinched, I never had designer clothes but I was very loved and happy. I can just tell from your posting what a great mother you are. She will have no idea what stroller she rode around in....only that her mother loved and adored her.
I couldn't have said it better myself! My sister has always showed at second hand stores for her kids clothes. She's a big believer in not spending a ton of money on clothes that were spit up on, pooped on & then destroyed with paints, etc. I dont know how you could think that saving money & keeping a roof over your daughter's head would effect her in anyway except to produce a daughter with a good head on her shoulders. I know the "Daddy says" girls that got a Mercedes for their 16th Birthday. Trust me you don't want that..
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| Posted 6/29/06 12:56 AM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
What you can buy for her doesn't determine your worth as a parent it's what you give of yourself that matters. Do you think when she's all grown up she'll remember the brand of her car seat or stroller?
I shop ebay, thrift and consignment. My mom gets her tons of clothes at the dollar store and they are so cute and inexpensive. My jogger was free from a friend and my mom cleaned it up for me and it looks brand new. My Peg Perego I only go because I could not stand my Grace and searched high and low for the perfect stroller for us. I bought the cheapest one I could find on the web because no way was I spending another $200 on a stroller. Maybe it's not the pattern I would love but who cares, it saved me 60 bucks and does the job. I do have a Britax but that's my sheer paranoia because I have her next to the door and not in the middle.
Trust me you are a better parent for not going into debt and getting in over your head. You will be a great example for your daughter of how to value what you have and what's important in life. That is one thing I don't miss about NY that whole keeping up thing. Sure people here have brand name this or that but no one makes a big deal about it. People just do what they can afford and that's that.
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| Posted 6/29/06 1:36 AM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Posted by MrsR
I agree with all the other moms. Very well said! You are a terrific mom Shana, your daughter is very lucky.
I couldn't agree more. The only reason we're able to afford ANYTHING is because we have a LOT of help. Our Britax was Christopher's Christmas present from his grandparents, the other car seat we have was a hand-me-down Evenflo. The majority of his clothes are presents from family. I'm constantly selling stuff on Ebay just to get some extra cash and I'm excited we're having a girl this time around just because I can now sell some of Christopher's old stuff. It can be frustrating, but I know we go crazy to give our children the best possible because we love them so much and that's what really matters most of all.
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| Posted 6/29/06 6:05 AM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: *sigh* ok...Why I posted what I did earlier...
Posted by btrflygrl
Thanks guys. I sometimes can't help but be jealous of the NY mommies that can SAH and afford these things.
Shana, I work FT! I would never be able to afford half of what I get and STILL most of the stuff Bella gets is Old Navy (cuz that's where mommy shops) DO I go a little overboard because I didn't have anything growing up at all, yes..but a few extra ribbed tanks is the extent of it normally.
I got the Britax because my Dad graciously helped me pay for my furniture and I justified it by the fact that she will use it for a few YEARS...
As I run for the train this morning and duck under the gates for the fourth time this week because I lingered too long at daycare again, know that the situation you are in works for you, and who cares about labels? It's about the relationship you have with your daughter, and that's something to me that no money in the world can buy!
Message edited 6/29/2006 7:32:04 AM.
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| Posted 6/29/06 7:31 AM |
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