My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

I have this friend named Traci. I actually met her on a mommy message board, (along with another girl that I have become close with.) Her daughter is the same age as my daughter Lyndsey. The girls love to play together, and if it wasn't for that reason, I probably would not be friends with Traci. (we're VERY different, but she's nice enough).

Anyway, this girl Traci and her husband Mike are in our circle of friends, so we'd always invite them to bbq's and parties at our house. They reciprocated.
As he became more comfortable around us, Mike started making some ODD comments here and there...very racist remarks, using slang and terms I've never heard of. He even mentioned moving to "X" town in Connecticut since "the Klan was still active there".

He has a room in his house (the entire upstairs of his Cape actually) FILLED with WWII stuff...mannequins dressed in full war uniforms, guns, swastikas, etc. It is creepy beyond belief.

At one of the girls' birthday parties in April, he went off the deep end. He was talking about Hitler, about the Aryan race...about how he will only let his daughter bring home guys that are 100% German/white. He only eats food that is German, etc, etc. My husband actually said something like "I don't care what color the man my daughter wants to marry is, as long as he is good to her" and Mike ignored him and went on about Hispanics, Blacks, etc.

By the way, my friend Traci seems TOTALLY oblivious to all of this. Totally. I am not sure it she chooses to ignore it or feels the same way or what.

Here is my problem. Like I mentioned, they are in our circle of friends. So if someone has a party, everyone is invited, and if you're not, you find out about it. Plus I post on a message board with this girl and another girl who is feeling the same way towards Traci and Mike now....

We want them OUT of our lives. I have zero tolerance for anyone who is even the slightest bit racist. Let alone this looney neo-nazi.

But what can we do? Do I have to actually say something to Traci? I think I do, but I am scared of confrontation. LOL. All I know is that we refuse to let them step foot in this house ever again, plus we just don't want to be in Mike's presence at all. We're having a party in October, and it's our annual Halloween party that they ALWAYS come to (until he started getting weirder). They will obviously know that they were excluded unless I tell them why. What would you do?

And I feel sooo horrible for their child, having to grow up with such an ignorant creep for a dad. Ugh, it makes me sick.

Message edited 8/24/2006 12:50:27 PM.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

I would come straight out and tell these people you are not accepting of their disgusting beliefs and that you choose not to be friends with them anymore.

Let's make your choice easier- if you found out this guy was a pediofile and his wife was going along with it- would you even think twice???

ETA: This person scares me a little bit too.

Message edited 8/24/2006 12:53:03 PM.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

You are so right. I would NOT even think twice, and this situation is just as disgusting.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

this is a hard one.... i would not want to be in your shoes.... maybe try talking to your girlfriend traci first and see what she says

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

I completely agree with what Christine wrote. Let her know that you don't agree with his beliefs and don't want to be around others who feel that way.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Thats a tough situation, but I would want them out of my life as well. I would just tell her you feel very uncomfortable about her husband's political views and that you are very sorry but you won't be able to see them any more. I know thats easier said than done, though.
The other friends in your circle don't feel the same way? Have you spoken to any of them about it?

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

My other friends feel the same way. But they are very afraid of hurting Traci in the process, since she doesn't appear to be involved...

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

nip it in the bud, and just tell her exactly how you feel. no sense in beating around the bush.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Posted by CkGm

I would come straight out and tell these people you are not accepting of their disgusting beliefs and that you choose not to be friends with them anymore.

Let's make your choice easier- if you found out this guy was a pediofile and his wife was going along with it- would you even think twice???

ETA: This person scares me a little bit too.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Posted by CkGm

I would come straight out and tell these people you are not accepting of their disgusting beliefs and that you choose not to be friends with them anymore.

Let's make your choice easier- if you found out this guy was a pediofile and his wife was going along with it- would you even think twice???

ETA: This person scares me a little bit too.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

That's a really hard situation. My FH's ex BIL is really racist and openly so. At both family functions I can remember attending with him he made horrible comments in front of everyone including his own children. He wouldn't make any nazi0esque comments because ILs are jewish, but believe me he made every other kind of comment and if you know me from my posts at all I'm sure you can tell that I could not get along with someone like that.

I actually got into it a few times with him, but he was too ignorant to be engaged in discussion, much like this guy who is clearly set in his ways.

There are few rules in my home and FH's place...no smoking and no racists basically sums it up. I would stop inviting them to parties and I'd probably avoid situations where he would be. If your friends are anything like the kind of friends you want to have and you want your little girl to grow up around they'll see him for what he is and also exclude that couple. I know you hate confrontation, but I think you should be honst with Traci and tell her you really like her and think she's a great friend, but that you can'y be around her husband and his racist views. You don't feel it's healthy for you or your child. I think you just have to be honest about it and be honest with your other friends too. It's really hard

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

I agree with telling the wife that you have different beliefs & don't think you should get together anymore. If she asks what you mean, you could say the racists remarks & leave it at that.

For safety sake, I would NOT say anything about what you REALLY think of his beliefs. The last thing you want is a Neo-Nazi & his azzhole friends knocking on your door.



Also Tracy isn't "innocent". She's got a roomful of Nazi memorabilia & paraphenalia in her house. She may not wholeheartedly agree with his views, but she's not blind.

Message edited 8/24/2006 1:03:05 PM.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

this situation makes me physically ILL!!

I am Jewish and lost many relatives in concentration camps. I am actually named after a cousin who died in Auschwitz

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Although I am a fundamentalist when it comes to things like freedom of expression, I think in this case it is way out of line. Especially when your children play together. I do think that he is entitled to this beliefs (even though it is obviously wrong to be prejudiced, and to try and lure others into it as well) as long as he does not act on it. The fact that he knows where the KKK is leads me to believe that he is 1/2 step away from acting on it, if he has not done so already.

I would tell your friend that you cannot in good conscious allow this behavior to go on, and tell her that you have a responsibility to your children to not socialize with them. It is to lead by example, I believe that will show your children that tolerance of racism and prejudice is a form of passive acceptance.

good luck

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Posted by SweetestOfPeas

this situation makes me physically ILL!!

I am Jewish and lost many relatives in concentration camps. I am actually named after a cousin who died in Auschwitz

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Posted by nrthshgrl

I agree with telling the wife that you have different beliefs & don't think you should get together anymore. If she asks what you mean, you could say the racists remarks & leave it at that.

For safety sake, I would NOT say anything about what you REALLY think of his beliefs. The last thing you want is a Neo-Nazi & his azzhole friends knocking on your door.



Also Tracy isn't "innocent". She's got a roomful of Nazi memorabilia & paraphenalia in her house. She may not wholeheartedly agree with his views, but she's not blind.

Message edited 8/24/2006 1:05:12 PM.

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

that is very scary!!

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Posted by SweetestOfPeas

this situation makes me physically ILL!!

I am Jewish and lost many relatives in concentration camps. I am actually named after a cousin who died in Auschwitz

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Posted by JenniferEver

Posted by SweetestOfPeas

this situation makes me physically ILL!!

I am Jewish and lost many relatives in concentration camps. I am actually named after a cousin who died in Auschwitz

I'm sorry

I'm sure this is horrifying to you

Re: My friend's husband is a Nazi. (long, advice needed)

Posted by SweetestOfPeas

this situation makes me physically ILL!!

I am Jewish and lost many relatives in concentration camps. I am actually named after a cousin who died in Auschwitz