Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

I am the woman who asked for advice on how to tell my grown children about my diagnosis of terminal cancer. So many of you generously responded and told me to be completely open and honest about my diagnosis and prognosis. I listened and took your advice, and I do believe it was the right thing to do, though it was very hard not to sugar coat it. After all, they are my children and we mothers want to do everything possible to protect our children from the hardships of life, don't we?

To those who so sweetly PM to ask how I am doing, I am doing better right now. Thank you for asking and for caring, and for your prayers and kind thoughts. It has touched me so very much to know that such lovely people are out there, just a few clicks away. It is honestly, a comfort.

I did one round of chemo in mid-September to make my DH feel that I was doing something to "fight my cancer", but it almost killed me, so no more chemo. I threw up for about two weeks straight, lost 12 pounds, had to get rehydrated twice at ERs and was hospitalized twice, once out East where I live and once in NYC. So, I have been busy, you could say

I have been stableized and am feeling much better, thankfully. I was dischargered from NY Hospital and entered Hospice care this past Monday and am content with my decision. It's hard on my family as Hospice is so final, but that is my reality. I have been busy with paperwork and trying to wind up the many odds and ends of a good life. I had no idea how much there was to do, either, i.e.: switch our EZ passes from my name to DH's, change automatic billings from my credit cards to his, change household bills to his name, etc. It seems as if there are more things that crop up every day, but that should soon stop as we complete each item.

I was very open and honest with my grown children when I told them I had Stage 4, incurable Pancreatic Cancer and was going to die in the forseable future. They seemed to take it well at first, but DD fell apart badly the second weekend which was upsetting for all of us. She seems to be handling everything much better now as we hit weekend four (?) I've lost count after being so sick for so long. She was a rock when I was in the hospital, warding off unwanted visitors - mostly curious relatives - so that I could rest and sleep.

DS had been going to a therapist after being told and I hope is handling it well. He's been wonderful to me, but it is hard to tell how he is truly doing. He told me today that he is going to get involved with fundrasing for Pancreatic Cancer research which made me so proud of him. He's already been in contact with the former head of pancreatic research at a major hospital who is connecting him to people doing research today. He's also connecting with other people who have had family members get and die from this horrible disease who also would like to help fundraise.

On a lighter note, I decided that as I was going to be spending a lot of time in bed as I get sicker, I wanted to have my bedroom repainted - and a new bed as our's was sooooo old! - plus I wanted the room next to mine repainted because I use it as a dressing room (my closet's in it). So, our house is upside down right now, but in a good way. The painters are working on both rooms and DH and I are sleeping in the kids rooms or on the couches depending on who's home. I actually love the TV room couch as it is made of deep feather cushions and is very comfortable to nest into.

I have learned more than I ever wanted to about wills, health care proxies and health care directives - You all have those, I hope? It was a bit nerve wracking to have to sign a will while in a hospital bed, but apparently, my condition scared DH and other people so he brought the lawyer with him to the hospital one day. At least it's done and I feel my DH and kids will be cared for properly when I am gone. Now, I am trying to get other things decided and done so that my family doesn't have to deal with them after I am gone. Obituary, funeral, etc.

I want to be able to relax and enjoy the time I have left with my family. Just being taken for a drive and seeing the outside world in all its colors with birds flying and the ocean calm as it was today is a joy. I can finally slow down and savor the beautiful world we live in and be grateful for what I have.

Best to all of you, Sarah

Message edited 10/11/2015 12:10:49 AM.

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Dear Sarah,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Much love to all of you. If I could make one suggestion, write letters and cards to your children and husband with your thoughts for milestones and record your voice saying I love you to each of them.

Hugs to you.

Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

That is heartbreaking to read! It's amazing how calm you seem about it. I'm glad you're doing something you want though! I hope you are able to enjoy your family, paint and bed!

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

I've been thinking about you and hoping your kids are ok. The amount of strength you have is unbelievable. I love that you are enjoying the little things that most of us take for granted each day. Your update has definitely helped open my eyes a bit more. I hope the time you have left is peaceful and when the time comes, you get to be with your family.

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

You remind me of my mom.God rest her soul. Thats why Im always looking for an update. Your incredibly strong for yourself but I can tell you are especially strong for your family. Thats why i admire you so so much. You know how I feel already. But know youre incredible!!!

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

It is good to hear from you Sarah. You and your family have been in my thoughts since you first posted about your situation. Your grace and strength are truly an inspiration to us all.

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

I think about you every day. Thank you for updating us and I'm so very sorry for everything you're going through. My heart breaks just reading your post. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I hope that your remaining time with your family is very special and filled with lots of love.

Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

You've reminded me that life is way too short and sometimes so unfair, but enjoy every second anyway. Your story has moved me in a way that I can't even explain. I wish you comfort and happiness and I hope you know how wonderful you are. You're an inspiration!

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Thank you for updating all of us. I wish you comfort and peace. You are an amazing woman.

Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

You are a strong woman. May God bless you and your family.

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Your strength and bravery in the face of a terminal illness is amazing. I wish you peace and that you are able to spend the time you have left with those close to you. I'm glad you were able to tell your children. They sound amazing just like their mom. They may have hard times ahead but from what you have said, it sounds like they have your strength and that will see them through.
Thank you so much for updating us. I have been looking for your updates every day. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is heartbreaking but has reminded me to cherish every moment with my family and friends. I will continue to keep you and your family and my thoughts and prayers.

Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Thank you for your update. Your strength through all of this is remarkable. You and your family are in my prayers.

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Much much love and peace. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. (((hugs)))

Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Your strength and grace through this horrible disease is truly an inspiration. Thank you for sharing and I hope you continue to have peace and joy in every moment.

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Many blessings your way!

Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

may you and your family have peace and love during this time.

Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Dear Sarah,
Your post was so inspiring and serene, and I didn't find it sad at all. It gave me hope that you are at peace with what may happen, and you can rest knowing that your family will be ok after your passing. I've learned so much from you... thank you

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness

many hugs and prayers to you and your family!

Re: Update - how to tell grown kids about terminal illness