Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

I am very embarrased to admit this, but I am terrified of driving

I take local roads everywhere! So a what takes everyone else 20 mintues on the pkwys takes me 45 or Hempstead Tpke or Old Country. I have driven on a parkway a handul of times, but not in the past 7 or 8 yrs. I have never driven in any county other than Nassau or Suffolk.

This holds me back so much because I can't just drive places to meet people and miss a lot of social events for this reason. I would love to overcome this so I can feel like an adult with true freedom of motion.

I hate driving and am just terribly uncomfortable unless it is a road/ area I know well. Parkways scare me as do bridges.

Again, I am ashamed to even write this, but I really want to move on and do this.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Message edited 11/15/2009 1:05:41 PM.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

My mom has the same fears. She only stays on local roads in North babylon & deer park, she will not go any further. She was always like that. It made it tough sometimes growing up b/c when we wanted to get dropped off somewhere with friends, their parents always had to do the driving (malls, movie theatres) and I think the parents were frustrated b/c my mom wasnt doing her part.

Sometimes she says she would like to start driving on the parkways, but for her to just get on , being as nervous as she would be, would just be dangerous. She might cause an accident. She doesnt know how to merge at high speeds b/c its something she never did. She just doesnt have those skills.

So I would say the same to you. I think the best way is to contact a driving school. Knowing a professional is in the car with you and that they have their own brake would put your mind at ease, you think? They can help build your confidence.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

I agree with Denise...definitely consider a few driving lessons to help build your confidence with driving in the situations you mentioned. Another suggestion is, if you are not interested in driving lessons, maybe start traveling these roads at times hat are not busy. For example, maybe try the Southern State at noonish just so you can get accustomed to the. Best of luck to you!!

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

When I was a teenager learning to drive, I lived in Brooklyn where the highways are INSANE. The merge is the worst part, and I had no idea how I'd ever learn because I was never going to try, not on those roads. So one day, we were driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike on the way to my aunt's house, and my mother pulled over on the side of the road. She had me get into the driver's seat and pull back out on the road. We were in the middle of nowhere, there were no other cars around, and I pulled out onto the highway and drove at 55 mph for the first time in my life. I practiced changing lanes, I practiced passing a car on the right, and it was all so not very scary because the road was so empty. We did this a few more times over the next few weeks and I gained a lot of skill and confidence this way. I still wouldn't drive on the Belt Parkway for a year or two (but remember, I was 17 at the time!) but I would drive on the Southern State or LIE - the roads are nice and wide and the merges and drivers aren't as insane.

Good luck! Just get out there and practice and your confidence will build.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

i have the same fear. i will though drive on sunrise and lie but usually very short distances. try to use as many back roads as possible. meadow brook, northern/southern state i think i have been on about 5 times each.

i have missed out on a lot too. i know the feeling

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

The advice given already is great. I used to practice getting on the highway very early in the morning when no one was on the road.. make someone go with you to help talk you through it if you need.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Please don't feel ashamed! I have posted before about the same issue. I live in Queens and I have only been on the highway once! I would say that it has a large effect on my quality of life. I also don't like to drive anywhere where I would have to worry about finding parking. Just typing this makes me feel terrible anxiety.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take the steps to drive! I think calling a school is a great idea and I think about doing it all the time but have not gotten the courage to do it yet!

Feel free to FM me, I 100% understand.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Go get a GPS!!!! My mom is the same way but once she bought herself a GPS she has gotten more confident and is able to go greater distances. Plus there is always the button Go Home on most models. Such a great present for yourself!

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

I personally would rather be on the parkways than Hempstead Turnpike - that can get crazy!


I agree with what a PP said. My dad took me to the Sunken Meadow Parkway to learn to drive and merge on highways. It's usually pretty empty and safe.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

I don't have any advice but I wanted to give some

I know how it feels to have a fear like that. i sometimes get like that when driving. And I have a VERY hard time when someone else drives.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Don't be embarrassed at all, the way people drive around here you have to be a bit crazy to NOT be nervous with some of the road rage out there. I personally find driving Old Country road and Hempstead Tpke stressful (more so than say the Northern State) and the Southern State with those curves and the way people can't stay in their lanes IS stressful.

I would suggest maybe considering taking some lessons with a private instructor in one of those cars with the breaks etc. I would also start by practicing late at night or early in the morning on a weekend when there are very few cars on the road. This way you can get comfortable and confident driving with little to no other cars around you - and then you can work up to a time when the roads are more crowded. The only way to get over a fear is to face it head on and practice, practice, practice. The more you DO drive on the parkways the more comfortable you will be doing so. The first few times I went out on them I was terrified too - but after a while it will become second nature if you don't avoid them.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Posted by Tilde

Please don't feel ashamed! I have posted before about the same issue. I live in Queens and I have only been on the highway once! I would say that it has a large effect on my quality of life. I also don't like to drive anywhere where I would have to worry about finding parking. Just typing this makes me feel terrible anxiety.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take the steps to drive! I think calling a school is a great idea and I think about doing it all the time but have not gotten the courage to do it yet!

Feel free to FM me, I 100% understand.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Posted by tatuka

Posted by Tilde

Please don't feel ashamed! I have posted before about the same issue. I live in Queens and I have only been on the highway once! I would say that it has a large effect on my quality of life. I also don't like to drive anywhere where I would have to worry about finding parking. Just typing this makes me feel terrible anxiety.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take the steps to drive! I think calling a school is a great idea and I think about doing it all the time but have not gotten the courage to do it yet!

Feel free to FM me, I 100% understand.

Just like you and the OP I have the same issue. In my case it started after I had DD . I get a lot of anxiety, so I try to avoid highways and just like you, I HATE driving where I have to deal with parking.
Now that we are in HB driving on Crossbay is insane But I'm getting used to it (I think )

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Don't be embarassed.
I'm afraid of the dark. One night last week, I screamed at the sight of my own shadow in the middle of the night. THAT is embarassing.

My suggestion to you is to start really small. Get on a parkway or the LIE for an exit and then get off... work your way to two exits then three exits. Stay in the right line. Try practicing on Sundays when the traffic is much lighter.

As far as bridges are concerned... I have no advice. I practically drive over them with my eyes closed.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Driving myself regularly on those 2 roads, it's already scary for ANYONE to drive on Old Country Rd and Hempstead Tnpk. I hate both and avoid them as much as possible. I try to never go on those roads when it's traffic time. Which is about all day long. And I am not afraid of driving.

Do you what worries you? Is it the amount of cars, hesitating, kids in your car, fear of speed (yours and other cars)?

Message edited 11/15/2009 6:16:12 PM.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

there are also many phobia clinics that can help you overcome the phobia.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Thank you so much for all the responses. They made me feel better and not alone

I was in 2 car accidents when I was a new driver and I know that did a lot to frighten me. Ironically the worst of the 2 was on Hempstead Tpke, not even a pkwy

It's merging onto the Pkwy. Esp. the Northern State since the ramps are so short in many places. Likewise Queens driving scares me because everyone seems to be going to fast if I need to get over to a different lane.

I am going to practice when the roads are light.

Thank you for making me feel better!!!

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

I think you got great suggestions, but you know I just had to throw you some of these.

Check your FM if you want to laugh.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Dont be embarassed because i have the same fear, I wont drive out of state or i wont drive to nassua county.... I will drive in suffolk county but not out of state... I know i should get over this fear but after a car accident i had in the 90's it put a scare in me to drive any further.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

just so you know, I have the SAME fear. Its onyl in the last 3 years or so that I started to FORCE myself to drive on parkways/LIE. I would actually force myself and have to pull over bc Id have a panic attack. The more I did it though, the more comfortbale I became with the island and therefore the roads. I grew up in Kings Park and FOR YEARS would only take Jericho or 25A places. I missed out on a lot too. To this day though I havent driven outside of nassau and suffolk and I only drove on Sunrise for the first time EVER (Im 30) 2 weeks ago. Sunrise on the south shore suffolk scares the crap out of me. But I did it. I called my dad though when I was on the road to talk to, LOL....can you imagine!!!!!!

I REFUSE and probably never will drive off the island, the thought of driving around queens or the city makes me want to die.

I did find that for me at least, part of it was tied to a fear of getting lost. So I just drove a lot and sometimes HAD to bc of work and the more familiar I became with knowing my way around the better. Nassau still sends me into a tizzy though and I REFUSE to drive on the meadowbrook.

Try the LIE or any of the parkways out east first, they are FAR less congested and I started otu there bc I felt way more comfortable.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

When I was first learning to drive, I got in a very bad accident, and really could have died. I remember being so scared of driving after that, but my mom (as scared as she was for me) made me get in the car and drive again. It was the best thing she could have done for me.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I think the advice PPs gave was great.. I'd also add that if it doesn't work, and it really bothers you, you can always seek therapy. There are pretty effective things therapists can teach you to help you get over the anxiety.

Good luck

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....

Message edited 11/15/2009 10:35:33 PM.

Re: Admitting something that I am embarrassed about because I need advice....