Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

I had a horrible experience when I had DD with the Lactation Nurses. So bad I wrote a letter to the hospital b/c I felt they were abusive. I had very high hopes of BFing DD, and the class and my research all made it seem pretty easy and I was confident I could do it. I thought I was well prepared, but then DD wanted NOTHING to do with it. She didn't latch on, it was just very bad. The lactation nurses even ended up writing up some note that said it wasn't working along with their recommendations which didn't work either. The pediatrician came in after 24 hours and told me I had to feed the baby - when I gave her a bottle of formula (which made me feel really bad to begin with) a lactation nurse came in and screamed - "why are you giving her that - it's LIQUID HEROINE!" I saw 4 different LN's in 4 days and none of them were able to "fix" my "problem", but they were nasty in the process.

Needless to say, after weeks of PPD and feeling like a failure b/c I couldn't perform the "most natural" task and was going to "ruin" my child according to these people... I finally gave in and slowly discontinued pumping, which I did after every "missed" feeding to the point of exhaustion, and started giving DD formula exclusively. Once I accepted this and felt okay with it that I wasn't going to do her any harm... I could finally have a relationship with my new baby. She had been questionably cholic, but that turned around too.

With this said, I know when I have this baby I want to try to BF again. However, I don't want any of these people in my hospital room. If the baby takes to it great - if not, you know what - I have a 15 month old at home and a newborn... I need to be at MY best for THEM, not sitting there sulking, wondering why my body failed my baby and wonering why my newborn hates me (all irrational things that went through my head the first time, having an attempted induction which turned c-section didn't help me in feeling good about these natural processes regarding bringing a baby into the world). I don't want to be pressured... I know the clinical studies supporting BFing, I know how great it is, etc. But I also know what it's like to be a brand new mom feeling like a failure at being a mom from the start. Whether it's rational or not, it was my feelings and I cannot go through that again. Today I have a very sweet little girl, who's behavior I get compliments on. She gets no sicker than any other baby (there are some things she inherited from DH and/or me that doctor's told me she probably would have gotten at some point regardless), she's developmentally on time or ahead on some things.

What would be a polite, yet stern way of asking such hospital staff to leave without any harsh comments from them or a lecture about how you are harming your child by not BFing?

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

print out this letter and give it to them!
It is very well put! I'm sorry you went through that. My sister did not BF and all the nurses harassed her, she was very upset by that too!

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

What hospital did you deliver at that these LCs did this to you? If they come into your room again I would not give an explanation (b/c you owe them nothing) and just simply ask them to leave. IF you have a problem, tell your OB, the head nurse of the maternity floor and a Hospital Administrator if necessary. I am so sorry you went thru this the first time. I hope that this experience is 10000 times better!!

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Oh wow I am so sorry that you had to go through that first experience. That sounds horrible. I am not sure of the protocol at your hospital but when I delivered DS at my hospital the nurse on call asked if I would like to meet a LC before one came to my room. If you can, as soon as you deliver and are assigned a nurse, I would explain your prior experience and just request that no LC be brought to you unless you decide to ask for one at a later point in time.

As an aside, I am extremely surprised they said those things b/c when I had my c/s the LC explained that my milk would likely not come in for a couple of days but it was important to have DS suck and then to give him formula. It was heart breaking for me when they told me he lost 10% of his birth weight. I felt like I was a failure as well. DS had nipple confusion and it was a very difficult first 10 weeks for nursing for us too.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

I am so sorry you went through that. I know where I delivered that the LC only came in if you requested them. Maybe you can just request that you don't want to see any LC.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

I don't think the LC's will bother with a second time mom unless you ask for help. I had a question with my second and had to specifically ask the LC to come see me. If anyone pops by just tell them you're doing fine and don't have any questions. Just leave it at that.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

So sorry you had to go through that. What a terrible experience. I would do just as PP mentioned... get the word out early that you do not wish for a LC visit. If they do come in, just tell them you are fine and will call if needed. If they do not leave your room and repeat behavior, I'd go right to a supervisor.

Hopefully this time around is better.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Tell the nurses on staff and your dr of your plans.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

this was my nightmare bc i chose not to bf from the start and i had heard that the lac counsultants can be downright cult-like in some hospitals which i wanted no part of.....so i made sure to tell the nurses/my ob/anyone in the hospital that would listen lol over and over and they told me there was absolutely no reason why they have to be in the room if u made ur decision.....u need to be stern and tell as many ppl as you want that they are NOT ALLOWED in your room

all the luck in the world

Message edited 6/20/2009 9:44:24 AM.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

liquid heroin??????????? how disgustingly rude and FLAT OUT WRONG!!!! formula has been wonderful for millions of babies--there is nothing poisonous about it.

i hope the hospital changes their practices and policies--no mother should be abused like that.

i would definitely tell everyone at the hospital and your doctor that you don't want to see them. and if they come into your room, tell them to get out.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

I felt the EXACT same way as you.

I had a horrible experience with LCs with my son. HATED the woman in the hospital. I tried BFing and pumping for six weeks. Eventually we did end up BFing successfully but I was emotionally raw and exhausted from it. I had PPD with my son as well.


DD was a surprise blessing- she came when DS was 16 months old. I felt the same way as you- I would try and BF but not force it- I knew I couldnt put as much time into because I had a 16 month old to take care of.

I ended up with the same BF problems- massive engorgement and terrible pain when latching. The LC said- well, just pump a bit before each nursing session and the engorgement will go away in a month. Is she kidding? How can I pump, then feed a cranky newborn with a 16 month old running around crying for mama?

So, i didn't nurse her- and I have no regrets- she is healthy, beautiful and we are all happy together as a family.

If and LC comes over in the hospital, just say thanks, I doing well, I have it covered- they are very busy so they will take your word for it I think- then do what you want, try a bit and make your own decision if and when necessary.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

i know at my hospital they asked right when you come in if you wanted to bf or ff and if you say ff the lc don't bother you. does your hospital do that? in that case i'd tell them bf but you don't want to consult with a lc and have them write it in your chart. you could also lie and say ff (then they really won't bother you) but then the nursery would give dc a bottle when s/he's in there.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Im sorry you went through this. I've been told by a friend of mine that the LaLeche people are quite militant..is that where they were associated with?

You should not be forced to have anyone in your room and i would make that clear before hand to your dr. and / or hospital.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Thank you all for your understanding. I will let everyone in ears reach know my intentions as soon as I get to the hospital and into my room.

As far as choice of words... I agree that no one would ever say such a thing to a BFing mom. While it's "hard to stop" or go back to BFing once formula is started, that should just be fine. I mean, what stake do these LC's have in it anyway? It's not like they get a commission for "selling" breast milk. What she should have said is "have you decided to go with formula feeding? You should be aware that the baby may not want to BF if she is getting formula, but this is okay, whatever you decide is what is best for your baby."

Funny - this is what my pediatrician said... he actually said forumula is best for the formula fed and breast is best for the BF. When she said "liquid heroin" she clearly defined that I was not giving my child something good. That is what is wrong. There are plenty of benign terms you can use to describe something that a child/person will adhere to. Formula is NOT an addiction... in fact, if it were then she should be in rehab b/c she's not even on forumula anymore... but I'd be scared what the LC's would have to say about the whole milk she gets 2x's a day. It was just wrong and if it happens again, I have a great attorney in mind! I will say - I did write a letter already to the head of nursing. Just wasn't sure that'd be enough to keep the LC's from coming in. And I remember my first roommate was a third time mom - and the LC's insisted on watching her BF! I tell them thanks, but we've got it covered.

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

Re: Advice needed - how to politely ask a Lactation consultant to leave your room (kind of long)

I know plenty of people who have done both formula and BFing and had no problems switching back and forth. And even though I was BFing and pumping, DS started getting a bottle or two a day of BM at 1 week. We were able to do that for 5 months with no issues.
As far as the LC goes, tell your Dr. and nurses that you are not interesting in having the LC come see you. If she does come in, tell her that you are just fine on your own and you would appreciate if they could let you handle things yourself. If you feel like being kind of nice, you can finish with telling her you'll be sure to contact her if you should have any questions or need any help.