After baby arrives

I'm not PG (could find out this week if I am) - just stressing about the future. I fear that when dh and I have children, our great romance will be gone. please tell me how you keep the sparks alive?

Re: After baby arrives

I do have to admit that it is hard to keep the sparks going. In the beginning it felt like every time we started something she'd wake up. I swear she had sex-dar!

I think one of the important things to do is get a babysitter once in a while and just go out for dinner/movie/walk on a boardwalk somewhere -- things like that -- to maintain your relationship outside of being parents. That has helped us a lot.

Re: After baby arrives

I think the first year, it's hard (really hard). Newborns are really exhausting. The first year it was more of a "can you believe we made this baby?" kind of love. Now the sparks are watching him play Polly Pockets with my daughter or seeing him take my son on a bike ride & cheer him all down the street. Seeing him as a good father.

It's different. I think the spark for me is knowing that he loves our children as I do.

As for the rest, that comes after the kids are in bed - as I pounce on him when he least expects it.

Re: After baby arrives

When my daughter was born, I saw a love come out of him like no other...and also some major anal retentiveness

But really, it's a challenge. I am a FT working mommy and DH is a FT working Daddy. We work to give Bella a life like we never had, but it's hard to split the time and we are ALWAYS worried about spending time with her and attending to everything that revolves around this new, great love of your life...

I think whether you are SAHM or you work you have to make concerted effort to spend time as a couple. All the family parties, friend obligations, weddings, etc still exist so it's even harder to find that one on one time when your weekends are filled with all of this and you want to spend time with your child as well. You just have to do it. I personally would like more date nights with DH. We DO have them, and more often then some. But now that Bella is in bed at 8 pm like clockwork, we just need to be creative or get more babysitting

You nitpick a lot because you both have a lot invested in this little pumpkin and you'll be surprised what DH has to say about food choices, water temperature and diaper creams...but the key is not letting it get to a huge blow-up over Desitin. You'd be surprised what sleep deprivation can do to a person...we laugh a lot at each other so that helps, but the snipping can erode things sometimes...

I adore, love, and completely lucked out with my DH so I don't want to scare you...but a child is an adjustment. A huge one. It's another personality...and I laugh sometimes that she is laid-back like my DH but stubborn as hell like me...but in the end I have this great family I couldn't have dreamt up...we have so much fun...it's just tweaking the small parts that helps the big ones run smoothly...


And...
You always have LIF to vent to...

Message edited 8/9/2006 12:23:46 PM.

Re: After baby arrives

As a lurker on this parenting board I just want to say thank you- you ladies are so supportive of each other and talk so honestly about the trials and joys of mommyhood! Thank you and I can't wait to join you!

Re: After baby arrives

thank you for your support - I'm excited to join you all someday - soon

Re: After baby arrives

It's really hard but you have to make couple time alone. DH and I like mini getaways, even if it means a night at the local Marriott!

Re: After baby arrives

It's true that it takes a good deal more effort to keep the romance going once baby arrives.

For me a big key is keeping the baby out of the marital bed. I know that for some that's next to impossible but this was something we felt very strongly about and we decided that we would stick to it well before the baby was born.

Another thing that helps is keeping the baby on an early bedtime. He's usually in bed by 7pm and we get the rest of the evening to ourselves - that helps alot.

Date nights are going to be hard to carry through with but again, you have to make an effort. Date nights become so much more precious and you appreciate them so much more because they are not as easy to come by.

But ultimately, I think the best way to keep the sparks alive is to work together and truly share the task of taking care of the baby. You try not to criticize each other and be really appreciative of what the other does to help out. Because if you are constantly at each other's throats bickering over baby related tasks, chores, "his way" as opposed to "your way", etc that's the biggest romance killer.