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MEWF
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/07 503 total posts
Name:
M
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am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
thanks to all who responded.
i didn't want to leave my original post up anymore so i have removed it.
Message edited 4/28/2009 4:36:07 PM.
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Posted 4/28/09 10:31 AM  |
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Jen2999
Baby girls & beagles rock!
Member since 8/06 10356 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
If yout sister felt bad about it, it probably woundlt bug me, but it seems she doesnt really care
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:37 AM |
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Did you talk to your sister? I would talk to her and let her know that you would like her to follow the opt out instructions and be there. See how she responds before getting too upset.
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:42 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
She is 16, she is probably so excited about camp. I would cut her some slack and think about what was important to you when you were 16...
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:45 AM |
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imyself
Member since 10/06 2938 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
My sister is 18 now. She has multiple nieces and nephews. They are 6, almost 4, 3, almost 3, 1 and almost 1. She has never missed a single birthday, christening or anything. If there is something else going on she goes after the family function. She even helped my sister run a rock star party for my niece last year. Your sister is being childish. She is not a baby she is 16 and she should be at the party. If there were non opt out and she really needed/wanted the job ok maybe then I could understand. But there were opt out instructions and she chose not to do them. I would not right her off or anything but I would be hurt and upset.
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:47 AM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
I think you have a right to be upset because she isn't talking to you about it, but at the same time, she is 16 and probably is expecting you to.
But, I do think that this is important. It is her job, albeit, a summer one, but obviously it is important to her. My SILs (15 and 18) didn't come to my DS' birthday party b/c they had a cheerleading competition, it is important to them. They are sad they missed it, but it is what it is.
ETA: While there is an "opt out" I don't know that her nephews' birthday would be one of the reasons she could, KWIM? They probably mean things like finals, graduation, etc, etc.
Message edited 4/28/2009 11:20:44 AM.
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:51 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
"its a summer job its not a big deal"
this speaks VOLUMES to me.
first of all this is not your mother's fault. your sister is 16. she has the ability to make her own decisions.
will they be selfish and ego-centric, and revolve around her and her wants/desires? yes, of course. she's a teenager. she doesn't know any better. she needs guidance.
i think that you should (nicely) ask your mother to speak with her. explain how much it would mean to you if she was there, and have your sister consider the alternative orientation options. she really may have no idea that you want her there so badly. in her mind, this is probably just a kid's birthday party, and not a big deal.
normally i would say that you should speak with her, but the tone of your post implies that you might get upset, and that wouldn't be at all effective or helpful.
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:51 AM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
The same exact thing happened to me for DS's birthday.
My brother's family did not come to DS's birthday. For no reason other than he didn't feel like driving an hour and that it was during my niece and nephew's nap time.
I was really hurt and insulted at first, but the wonderful ladies on this board reminded me that the day is about celebrating DS, and focusing on making it a special day for him, and not spending your energy and attention on the things that you cannot change.
Remember the reason for this celebration, and all the wonderful memories and moments with your boys this year.
And you know, that's what I did and it was a wonderful day.
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:51 AM |
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Kate
*****
Member since 5/05 7557 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
I think you should talk to her about it, but I think her job is more important than a 1 year old birthday party.
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:53 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
I think you're overreacting (sorry!). I understand that your children's birthday is a big deal to you. I think the "she'll have to live with the consequences" is over the top. She's their aunt - and she's only 16. When you're 16 things like not being in birthday pictures are consequences they could live with.
Even though I think you are overreacting, I also think your mom is wrong that you're getting her in the middle. She is the mother of a teenager. She is the one that calls the shots. Her daughter doesn't get to decide to go to a party or not. HOWEVER, even if it's a summer job, part of the reason to get a job is to teach responsibility - which includes going to workshops, etc. I would probably make my 16 year old go to the work orientation. She's going to need to learn that work comes before play - before friend's parties, before the beach & even before a birthday party.
I think it's poor parenting to let your child bail out of her job (even if it's one she likes) for a family party.
If there is some way of compromising where she can go & be picked up so she didnt miss the entire thing, then I'd suggest that.
Message edited 4/28/2009 10:58:07 AM.
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| Posted 4/28/09 10:53 AM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by nrthshgrl
I think you're overreacting (sorry!). I understand that your children's birthday is a big deal to you. I think the "she'll have to live with the consequences" is over the top. She's their aunt - and she's only 16. When you're 16 things like not being in birthday pictures are consequences they could live with.
Even though I think you are overreacting, I also think your mom is wrong that you're getting her in the middle. She is the mother of a teenager. She is the one that calls the shots. Her daughter doesn't get to decide to go to a party or not. HOWEVER, even if it's a summer job, part of the reason to get a job is to teach responsibility - which includes going to workshops, etc. I would probably make my 16 year old go to the work orientation. She's going to need to learn that work comes before play - before friend's parties, before the beach & even before a birthday party.
I think it's poor parenting to let your child bail out of her job (even if it's one she likes) for a family party.
If there is some way of compromising where she can go & be picked up so she didnt miss the entire thing, then I'd suggest that.
I agree with this completely. I understand you are upset that she won't be there, and I would probably be annoyed that she didn't call to say that she can't make it, BUT I believe that when you accept a job you accept the responsibilities that go along with it. If that means missing a social function, so be it.
Maybe she hasn't called because she knows how you will react and being 16 "doesn't want to deal with it". I do think she should call, but I also think you could understand her reasons for not making it. If it were my child I would expect her to keep the commitment to her job and to arrange to spend some special time with you and her nephew at another time.
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| Posted 4/28/09 11:32 AM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
she's 16. No, I wouldn't be upset. No offense, but let the teen hang with her friends. A 1st birthday is important, but there are bigger things to worry about. I would also stop putting your mom in the middle. Its her job and I think its pretty ballsy to ask her to "opt out" for a 1st birthday party. Let it go. When I was 16 my life was my part-time job.
Message edited 4/28/2009 11:38:38 AM.
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| Posted 4/28/09 11:36 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by nrthshgrl
I think you're overreacting (sorry!). I understand that your children's birthday is a big deal to you. I think the "she'll have to live with the consequences" is over the top. She's their aunt - and she's only 16. When you're 16 things like not being in birthday pictures are consequences they could live with.
Even though I think you are overreacting, I also think your mom is wrong that you're getting her in the middle. She is the mother of a teenager. She is the one that calls the shots. Her daughter doesn't get to decide to go to a party or not. HOWEVER, even if it's a summer job, part of the reason to get a job is to teach responsibility - which includes going to workshops, etc. I would probably make my 16 year old go to the work orientation. She's going to need to learn that work comes before play - before friend's parties, before the beach & even before a birthday party.
I think it's poor parenting to let your child bail out of her job (even if it's one she likes) for a family party.
If there is some way of compromising where she can go & be picked up so she didnt miss the entire thing, then I'd suggest that.
I agree with this 100%. When I was in college, I committed to working a weekend job at my campus months in advance. I found out later it was my brother's HS graduation date. I spoke with my mom because I figured she would flip out. She let my brother decide whether or not I should cancel on the work commitment. He didn't care, so I went to work. In my house, a LOT of emphasis was put on keeping commitments and when we were old enough to work, it was taken very seriously.
Before I had a child, I don't think I realized how important it was to parents that people come to birthday parties. I made almost every niece's and nephew's birthday parties, but again if I had a prior commitment that was important, I did miss some. While I understand you are hurt that she won't make it, your sister is 16, and I think your expectations of her are really high.
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| Posted 4/28/09 11:55 AM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by headoverheels
"its a summer job its not a big deal"
this speaks VOLUMES to me.
first of all this is not your mother's fault. your sister is 16. she has the ability to make her own decisions.
will they be selfish and ego-centric, and revolve around her and her wants/desires? yes, of course. she's a teenager. she doesn't know any better. she needs guidance.
i think that you should (nicely) ask your mother to speak with her. explain how much it would mean to you if she was there, and have your sister consider the alternative orientation options. she really may have no idea that you want her there so badly. in her mind, this is probably just a kid's birthday party, and not a big deal.
normally i would say that you should speak with her, but the tone of your post implies that you might get upset, and that wouldn't be at all effective or helpful.
ITA
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| Posted 4/28/09 12:01 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
I think any job (whether big or small) is more important than a 1yo birthday party. Sorry. Telling her to blow off the orientation for a party is a big no in my book.
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| Posted 4/28/09 12:12 PM |
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bonitachyc
big sister status may 2012!!
Member since 5/08 3242 total posts
Name:
Lupe
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by kerrycec03
she's 16. No, I wouldn't be upset. No offense, but let the teen hang with her friends. A 1st birthday is important, but there are bigger things to worry about. I would also stop putting your mom in the middle. Its her job and I think its pretty ballsy to ask her to "opt out" for a 1st birthday party. Let it go. When I was 16 my life was my part-time job.
ITA.
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| Posted 4/28/09 12:22 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
She's a teenager. Teenagers are selfish creatures... Don't take it personal.
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| Posted 4/28/09 12:26 PM |
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mooshyboo
So Blessed!
Member since 11/07 6297 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
I would be hurt in my sister did not come to the party ~ what did your sister say or has she not brought it up? I am sorry ~ I hope she reconsiders and goes to your DS's 1st birthday rather than the orientation class
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| Posted 4/28/09 12:27 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
I have to disagree with a lot of posters..I have two sisters, 19 years old and 21 years old. They were 17 and 19 when Johnny was born.
Yes they were teens...and while teens can be immature/selfish etc...I never felt this way about my sisters.
If they had been in the same situation with the possibility of missing johnnys first bday, they would have been very upset and either 1)done what they could have to rearrange the plans (you did say there was an opt out part?) or 2)approached me about it said how badly they felt to miss the bday but they had no choice for the job adn they'd make it up by taking their nephew out or stopping by at another time to celebrate...
I don't say this to make you feel badly...because it prob IS hard for your sister and i'm sure she doesn't feel good about the choice, but if it were ME i'd confront her about it without trying to get too upset/personal. She is your sister and these are your babies. You have every right to feel hurt BUT i can see other peoples perspectives as well...16 is a tough age, some are more mature than others and some need more guidance on handling these matters than others.
Good luck!!
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| Posted 4/28/09 12:31 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by BJandDan
I think any job (whether big or small) is more important than a 1yo birthday party. Sorry. Telling her to blow off the orientation for a party is a big no in my book.
I think you're right that a job is important....BUT...if there are alternate plans that can be made for the orientation ( a different date or time) then I think the sister should do that. If there weren't any other options, then I do agree with you.
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| Posted 4/28/09 12:33 PM |
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by nrthshgrl
I think you're overreacting (sorry!). I understand that your children's birthday is a big deal to you. I think the "she'll have to live with the consequences" is over the top. She's their aunt - and she's only 16. When you're 16 things like not being in birthday pictures are consequences they could live with.
Even though I think you are overreacting, I also think your mom is wrong that you're getting her in the middle. She is the mother of a teenager. She is the one that calls the shots. Her daughter doesn't get to decide to go to a party or not. HOWEVER, even if it's a summer job, part of the reason to get a job is to teach responsibility - which includes going to workshops, etc. I would probably make my 16 year old go to the work orientation. She's going to need to learn that work comes before play - before friend's parties, before the beach & even before a birthday party.
I think it's poor parenting to let your child bail out of her job (even if it's one she likes) for a family party.
If there is some way of compromising where she can go & be picked up so she didnt miss the entire thing, then I'd suggest that.
ITA!! I am the oldest of 5 with my siblings being 22. 20. 18 and 12. I know they love my kids but I really can't control weather they want to come or not. They always come because they do not work usually on the weekends, but my sister did have a job were she was and wasn't able to come to something ( I can't remember what it was).
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| Posted 4/28/09 3:12 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
At 16 you do not have the same commitment to children often. This is her job for the summer and she wants to make a good impression. I would be hurt if she blew off the whole birthday- not even a card or a phone call- but I would want her to go to the job. I would not have my mom in the middle. I would call her myself and just say that I would have liked her to call me directly to discuss it. But again, at 16 there are other priorities.
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| Posted 4/28/09 3:31 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by nrthshgrl
I think you're overreacting (sorry!). I understand that your children's birthday is a big deal to you. I think the "she'll have to live with the consequences" is over the top. She's their aunt - and she's only 16. When you're 16 things like not being in birthday pictures are consequences they could live with.
Even though I think you are overreacting, I also think your mom is wrong that you're getting her in the middle. She is the mother of a teenager. She is the one that calls the shots. Her daughter doesn't get to decide to go to a party or not. HOWEVER, even if it's a summer job, part of the reason to get a job is to teach responsibility - which includes going to workshops, etc. I would probably make my 16 year old go to the work orientation. She's going to need to learn that work comes before play - before friend's parties, before the beach & even before a birthday party.
I think it's poor parenting to let your child bail out of her job (even if it's one she likes) for a family party.
If there is some way of compromising where she can go & be picked up so she didnt miss the entire thing, then I'd suggest that.
I agree with this.
First off, I would talk to my sister about all this. Not accusing- how dare you not come to my DC birthday. But are you coming? What's going on.
And I would definitely be OK with her not coming. Things happen. She is a teenager about to start a summer job. Let her start with everyone else and meet/spend time with the people she'll be spending the summer with.
While this may not be a big deal to you, it may be a big deal to her. Try to see it from her perspective, like you'd like her to see it from yours.
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| Posted 4/28/09 3:38 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by JennyPenny
Posted by headoverheels
"its a summer job its not a big deal"
this speaks VOLUMES to me.
first of all this is not your mother's fault. your sister is 16. she has the ability to make her own decisions.
will they be selfish and ego-centric, and revolve around her and her wants/desires? yes, of course. she's a teenager. she doesn't know any better. she needs guidance.
i think that you should (nicely) ask your mother to speak with her. explain how much it would mean to you if she was there, and have your sister consider the alternative orientation options. she really may have no idea that you want her there so badly. in her mind, this is probably just a kid's birthday party, and not a big deal.
normally i would say that you should speak with her, but the tone of your post implies that you might get upset, and that wouldn't be at all effective or helpful.
ITA
Me too.
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| Posted 4/28/09 4:26 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: am i over reacting? RE DS 1st bday- a litle long
Posted by bonitachyc
Posted by kerrycec03
she's 16. No, I wouldn't be upset. No offense, but let the teen hang with her friends. A 1st birthday is important, but there are bigger things to worry about. I would also stop putting your mom in the middle. Its her job and I think its pretty ballsy to ask her to "opt out" for a 1st birthday party. Let it go. When I was 16 my life was my part-time job.
ITA.
totally agree!
I really think you are overreacting. It's not like she is not going to your son's birthday because she is going to another social function - she is starting a job!
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| Posted 4/28/09 4:36 PM |
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