and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree

Another benefit of not having children is that you won't have to worry about losing friends due to having children. Though this might not be the case for many women, there is still that slight chance.

In fact, many articles I've read give that as a cost to having children. It's understandable, considering most of the time after childbirth is spent taking care of the child and spending time with a significant other, if there is one. Married couples with children tend to be focused on their children and work. This doesn't leave a lot of social time, so friendships might suffer. One article from Canadian Family explains how one mom lost her best friend due to not having any time for a social life with three kids. One kid allowed some freedom, but she says her friendship went downhill after that, and now she really only has mothers as friends. An article in Cosmopolitan says the same thing about friendships taking a blow when one friend has a baby and the other doesn't.

Though there are many benefits of not having children, there are costs as well. One obvious cost is that if all women decided to not have children, there would eventually be no younger people left and, eventually, no people. This would take quite a while, but you get the point. There needs to be enough women reproducing to make up for the deaths, but anything more isn't truly necessary. In a couple blogs on The New York Times' Web site that related to the recent climate talks, there is mention of the problem of overpopulation at the global level, not underpopulation, so it seems there is no need to worry.

Costs of not having children can be plentiful as well, though I am only giving two in this article. The other personal cost that I have seen is that if a woman decides not to have children, it may be much harder to find a man who shares the same view. Though not all women want or need relationships, many women end up being in relationships. At a certain age when a woman is with someone she intends to marry, the subject of children will eventually come up. If the significant other demands children, but the woman doesn't want any, that is a major difficulty in any relationship.
Dale Baker, a 60-year old professor at Arizona State University, says her marriage ended with the help of her mother-in-law's insistence upon her having children. "My mother-in-law, father-in-law and husband thought my graduate studies were a hobby and that my education would make me a better mother," Baker says. However, Baker's current significant other is perfectly fine with having no more children, as he already has two of his own, and she says he found life with children "intolerable." They both enjoy the peace, quiet, order and privacy that children do not bring with them.

After discussing reasons women don't want children and some pros and cons, there is also the view society has on women who don't have children. After reading different articles, looking at comments and discussion boards, I have found a lot of support for women who decide not to have children. However, I have also found a lot of hate and negative views on women who don't want to have children.

There still seems to be the perception that a woman's purpose is to make children and take care of the house and cook and that's it. Many still have not realized that there is now some equality between the genders. Many women have careers just as men do, and in many households the chores are split. With this recent equality, women now have the choice to use contraception and prevent pregnancy, and a lot of them have chosen the child-free way. Some posts and comments I've read say that women who don't have children are selfish, cold, will change their mind, are evil, are missing something, etc. The list goes on, but most of the comments are uninformed and show an old, traditional viewpoint.

Though society's viewpoint is still mixed on the matter of women who don't want children, the consensus should be this: those who want children can have them, and those who don't want children don't need to have them. Neither should be condemned for their choice. Baker says that "having children should be the responsibility of those who want children and will be good parents, not an obligation that all women must fulfill."

Sources:
http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1871401
http://www.canadianfamily.ca/articles/article/how-lose-friend-9-months/
http://www.enchantedself.com/cosmo-feb09.pdf
http://greeninc.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/22/population-growth-and-globa...
http://dotearth.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/16/the-missing-p-word-in-clima...

Re: and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree

Out of the four pages of reading, this is the part that sums it up quite nicely :

Though society's viewpoint is still mixed on the matter of women who don't want children, the consensus should be this: those who want children can have them, and those who don't want children don't need to have them. Neither should be condemned for their choice.

Re: and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree

Awesome! I totally loved it. I read all 4 parts (quick read) and have to say its so true.

My cousin who is suffers from a mental illness had two kids (completely selfish) and is destroying them. My own aunt called child protective serves on her to have them removed but they claimed she seemed "fine" yea people who know this disease know that there are good days but mostly bad days. I wrote a letter to the court stating I wouldn't be shocked to hear those two kids are dead in three years because of how horrible of a mother she is.

for us its time and money and a little bit of not ready (me) - dh and I do not make a lot of money and we just purchased a house that needs so much work to make it even remotely safe for children to even sleep over let alone live there. we also need to be able to pay for childcare and even with work having it and base the fees on your income it would be a stretch to pay.

as far as ready, i find children amazing little gifts but i don't want to turn into more of a machine then i am now.

Re: and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree

I just read through all four parts. There are plenty of justified and understandable reasons for choosing not to have children. But to be honest, some of the reasons she presents seem to be kind of trivial and show a kind of immaturity on her part. I'm referring in particular to the section where she talks about physical reasons, and that the uterus takes 4-6 weeks to get back to normal size, and then some additional time losing the rest of the weight - and that some women don't have the time to invest in that. IMO thats a superficial reason to choose to never have children. (I hope I'm not offending anyone).

She makes a lot of good points, and she makes some points I don't agree with at all. But I do COMPLETELY agree with the last paragraph --

[quote] Though society's viewpoint is still mixed on the matter of women who don't want children, the consensus should be this: those who want children can have them, and those who don't want children don't need to have them. Neither should be condemned for their choice. Baker says that "having children should be the responsibility of those who want children and will be good parents, not an obligation that all women must fulfill." [/quote]

All in all I think its sad that as women we need to justify or defend our reasons for choosing a life without children. If someone has a satisfying and complete life without kids, there's nothing wrong with that - its great actually! Live and let live.

Re: and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree

We are childfree for a number of reasons, some selfish, others not.
I was 41, DH 45 when we married.
I wanted children, DH didn't. I knew that coming into the marriage, I accepted that.
It would mean a major lifestyle change for both DH and me.
I don't have a good support network - my mom and MIL are passed.
DH works long hours and different shifts. Basically most of the child care would fall on my shoulders.
Did I mention that I am 43 now ?

I honestly don't know if I would have the energy to have a child at this point in my life. I don't even know if I could have a child at this point.

I am fine with the things the way they are, BUT I will be honest and say that I do have regrets about not having a child.
There will always be that little emptiness in my heart that nothing can fill.
My husband and I are a family of TWO.

Re: and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree

I just read all 4 parts and found it very interesting and true.
Thanks for posting!

Re: and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree

Great article!

Re: and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree

Message edited 1/13/2010 8:57:30 AM.

Re: and PART 4 Reasons some women choose to be childfree