Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

When asking about having DC#2, a lot of people respond they want time to enjoy their first. I've probably said it myself too. But, do you feel bad if you think about it? Does that mean any future child is enjoyed less, or I guess differently, since they won't ever have the opportunity to be treated as an only child?

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

For me, NO. I am waiting to have number 2 because I work full time and go to school part time. I do not want to take away from DS right now, and I don't feel that I could give as much to #2 right now. When shcool is done, I will also be able to have a new job and work less, so that I CAN give #1 AND #2 a LOT of attention. Every parent has different situations, and should never feel bad, your not going to love #2 LESS than #1, I just think dynamics are naturally different, and everyone has to do what is best for their family.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

nope, like pp said...I also work FT and am in grad school PT, so while I do want to enjoy DD, i also want to finish grad school before I even think of having another.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

I never got that "enjoying your first" comment...i mean, I guess I do get it in a way, but you can just the same enjoy two babies.

Now that I'm preggo w/#2 I will feel bad that DC #1 will not get 100% of my attention as he does now. But at the same time, having a #2 no matter when that is, is the best gift I can give him, something better than 100% of my attention. He'll forever have another person to share his childhood memories with.

Message edited 10/29/2008 2:04:56 PM.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

I don't think so.

I mean we are TTC for #2 because of my age.

Honestly, if I had been younger when I met DH and we got married, I would have waited for DS and I would have waited to TTC for #2.

I see nothing wrong with enjoying spending time.

In the best case scenario, by waiting, you have an "independent" child so you can deal with the youngest. Then they start preschool, preK and you have time with the younger child. Nobody is missing out on anything.

There is no right or wrong. It's a matter of personal preference.

I wish people would not put pressure on anyone else. They have THEIR life, you have yours.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

I chalk that comment up to just people being annoying (when it is asked as a question) just like people who tell me that I "owe my DS a sibling"

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

No, I definitely didn't feel bad about saying it! I didn't feel ready to try for #2 till my DS was 2 years old... I am a SAHM and there were no financial or other obstacles standing in my way. It's just the way I felt about the situation... I was enjoying being a mom of 1 and didn't feel like changing that right away!!!

Also, in my experience, there was such a "learning curve" involved in becoming a mom! I thought it was so overwhelming, always doubted myself. I needed some mom-experience under my belt before starting again. This time around, I feel so much more confident about bringing a newborn home.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

Everyone is different. Personally, I always knew we'd have a gap between kids because I work full time and financially we can't really do daycare for 2 so young without getting really tight. But even putting the money aside, I feel that that's right for me. With working and everything else in life going on, I don't get to see DS as much as I would like and I'm cherishing our time together. He's at a point now where we're really interactive and we have our routine and it's working for us and I'm really enjoying it.

I don't think by waiting I'm taking that experience away from #2--I think by waiting I'm trying to provide that experience to #2. If I had another one now, life would just be too hectic and no one would get any real time together (just from how our particular situation works). It would just be a struggle to get through every day. I feel that if I have #2 when DS is older, he'll have more going on in his life and will make it easier for me to spend the time with #2. For instance, have time with the baby while he's at soccer. DS can have a playdate and really be playing with that other child and not always looking for me and I can have some of that time with the baby.

Well, those are my thoughts. I don't know if it'll happen that way. But like I said, I am definitely happy with where we are now and in no rush to change the dynamic just yet.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

Nope, my DD NEEDS all of my attention. Although a sibling will probably help the situation, DD is very clingy and it hasn't been easy. Plus, it is easy to say that since DC#2 isn't here, I am sure I would feel differently once the child were concieved.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

I haaaate when people say this! I guess I'm more sensitive to it since I was a 2 under 2 mom. Also, yeah, like you said...What? The 2nd child isn't as important because you'll never get to enjoy him/her like you did the first?! And I'm saying this as my parents oldest too!

Actually, if anything, I'm disappointed I don't have as much one on one time with my 2nd DD as I did with my 1st; I'm NOT sorry that I didn't get to "enjoy" more time with DD#1.

Hate it, hate it, hate it!

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

It's how I feel - better to be honest then get pregnant with #2 at the wrong time.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

No, it doesn't make me feel bad at all ... just like when I first got married saying "I want to enioy this time with DH for a while." There is a time for everything - and everyone is different - but for me, I want to enjoy this time with DH and DS before I start in on #2.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

Message edited 10/29/2008 4:51:51 PM.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

No- I don't think it in any way implies that I won't enjoy #2 as well. Right now, I work and I only see DD about 3 hours a day. I make the most of them, but I also want to make sure she knows if/when we have another, how important she is to us. Also, I feel that she will adjust better. At the moment, she's very "spirited" and needs so much time and attention. I want to make sure she gets it, and I think that this will make her a good big sister.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

It never occured to me to feel bad about it. I mean children are different and you will enjoy them both.

Its like have a really delicious steak - sure, a fine wine would go great with it and you'll enjoy the fine wine just as much as the steak - but the steak is so yummy, ya just want to enjoy that for a few bites first and then you'll have the wine - and it will be even more enjoyable together!

OK- did I stretch it too far by using food as a analogy???

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

Posted by JChia



OK- did I stretch it too far by using food as a analogy???

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

I'm not really getting this question either... DD is only 6 months old, in fact most people talk as if it's a given that we won't be trying for another year or 2 (which is not the case... we are passively trying even now - so won't they be surpised, but my fear is more that people will ask "did you do this intentionally or was this an "oops""). I think it's b/c I work people assume it would be a lot to ask. I'm not one to get concerned about age per se, I'm 35 and not worried on that front if that was the only "issue", but I do have some medical issues (blood clotting genetics) that require consideration and for only that reason I'm looking to have 3 before my 40th b-day.

I agree with a pp who said that while it's tough to think of not giving your eldest 100% of your attention, the gift of a sib is priceless. Not everyone ends up close with their sibs, but it's still childhood memories. I was an oldest so I learned from my experiences as such what NOT to do. My mom was an only child and my dad was 11 years younger than his only sister and basically he had no idea about sib relationships. So everything was a big deal when we'd fight or have other "rival" like behavior or when we'd gang up on the grown ups - LOL. My sister and I are 4 years apart and have had moments when we were not so close, but we are close now. I'd say DH isn't as close to his younger brother (15 months apart) b/c as an adult the bro has made some dumb decisions. However, it's all a personal decision and no one else should dictate to you what you feel is best for your family. I don't worry about the economic as much anymore - I used to until DH lost his job the day of my 12 week sono with DD. He had been up for a promotion previously... so we thought the timing was perfect, well it didn't turn out that way, but in the end everything turned out fine. Dh found something else and we made it work... things are tighter than they would have been had the loss not occured, but like everything else we learned from the experience. Our jobs are never and will never be stable... it's just the nature of our industry. Again, it's personal feelings... if I were in school it'd be another story but fortunately I did my MS years ago and have no desire to ever return - LOL.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

Message edited 10/29/2008 6:31:57 PM.

Re: Another spinoff - Does it make you feel bad to say you want to "enjoy DC #1"??

I often feel we should have possibly waited and gave DS more time alone....and then I come to my senses and ook at DS and I tell DH "the best possible thing we could give him is a sibling"