anxiety about going back to work with poll

I am losing my mind. I am fortunate that I have a job to go back to in September if I want it. I know how lucky I am. I don't know if I want it. We don't NEED for me to work financially - it will be tight, but we can survive on 1 income.


I am so on the fence about what to do.

I feel selfish if I go back - I'll be taking care of other people's kids (I'm a teacher) instead of DD.

I feel selfish if I don't go back - I won't be contributing to the family income.

I'm scared if I go back I'll regret it.

I'm scared if I don't go back, I'll regret it - I'll lose my position, and then when I want to go back to work, I'll have to find a new one. I worked at the same school for 7 years. Its sad knowing someone will take over my position.

How did all of you make your decision? What do you do now? How is it?

DD is 16 months - would be 20 months when I have to go back. We plan on trying for #2 when DD turns 2.

Any insight is greatly appreciated.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I'm going back part time only. 3 days a week. If I had the option to stay home, I would. I'm having such bad anxiety about going back. I'm only 3 weeks into my maternity leave and already stessing about going back. I'm only going back for the insurance, DH job doesn't offer it, so that's pretty much my reason for going back.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I voted other-I am in your position somewhat, but my income is needed and at this point, I honestly miss working (I am an attorney). I am definitely nervous because I love being with my little girl, but at the same time, I need an identity outside of her, I need financial security for my family, and I think I would be a better mother if I wasn't there 24/7 because I lose patience quickly.

Here is my .02-You said it would be tight on one income-my advice is if you can do part time, do it. What happens if DH loses his job in this terrible economy or if there are cutbacks of some sort? Do you have something to fall back on? I am just throwing this out there because this happened to us.

Definitely don't feel selfish-there is nothing wrong with needing to pursue your career. If it helps, my mom was a SAHM and while I appreciate her for it, things were always super tight, we never took vacations, never had as much and I always hated knowing that my mom wasn't living up to her potential. I know DD is young (mine is 14 months, so they are around the same age), but I bet one day, she will tell you that she is proud of the role model you are for her! That is what my attorney friend's teenage DD told her!

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

i work full time. i went back to work when DS was 10 weeks old last March.

I had a lot of anxiety leading up to my return to work and was so upset about it.

The first couple of months were tough - DS wasn't sleeping well and work was slow. I feel like I finally have gotten back into the swing of things though and it's getting easier. I know DS is in good hands during the day and I make sure we fully enjoy our time together.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I WFT. Went back when DS was about 13 weeks. He went to daycare. First week I cried. Hated it.
2nd week was a drop better, but I still hated leaving him. By the 3rd week he was getting to know his teachers and would smile when I dropped him off at them. That finally started to put me at ease.

Now that he's almost 2 (next weekend!) I love him in daycare. He doesn't know any better and he's learning so much. He knows the alphabet, his shapes, songs, etc. Yes, I know if I was a SAHM I would do all that, but some days I don't think I could be a SAHM. I'm happy to help provide for my family. I love the time I spend with DS as well. He's a very social, good hearted and smart boy. He loves his teachers and does so much in school. Plus, he gets outside time in a cool playground, they get visitors (fireman, dentist, etc), parties, gymnastics, dance, etc. All stuff I'd love to do with him if I was A SAHM, but wouldn't be able to afford.
Perfect job would be less hours and more money.
For now this works. I'd eventually like to go back to school for my Masters. In time

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I work F/T. If the economy was different and I felt that I could take a few years off and be able to return, I probably would have, but I work for the state, and like teachers, we have having cuts unlike ever before. I don't think there is the security of taking time off and returning when the kids are in kindergarten.

So, for that reason, I would return for the security. I think teachers who leave now may not be hired back for 10+ years, and if you are in a public school, it is amazing benefits and retirement.

Is it easy working F/T? Hellz no. But I think for me, I am doing the best for our future, and DS's future, since I am providing stability during uncertain times.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I work F/T but I may go back part time. After being home for a few weeks I realize I cannot be a SAHM even though we could do it financially with no problem. It's just not for me. I give you ladies a lot of credit who do it everday! It's tough!! I plan on going back after 12 weeks but maybe only part time.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I wouldn't want to just "survive"... which is why I went back to work FT when DD was 11 weeks. We need my income if we are going to save any money, go on vacations, out to dinner, etc. It was hard but she was with MIL until 20 months old so that made it a bit easier (she's in daycare now for the last month and loving it). I feel like now it's a great balance for all of us, although if DH started making loads of extra money I would stay home in a heartbeat.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I work FT. I did cut my hours to 35 per week from 45.

For me, we had no option. We need my salary. So, it was cut and dry. No debating over staying home, which I probably couldnt do anyway.
I would love to work PT, maybe 20 hours a week. I feel like I am missing alot of DD, she is 16 months also and growing up so fast.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I'm in a similar position. I posted about this a few days back. I thought I was going to take off until Dec., maybe Feb. but I'm thinking about going back in Sept. However, I'm afraid if I do go back, I'll regret it. If I was in your position, and could live on 1 income, I'd stay home in a heartbeat. I'm not saying resign, but I'd take the full amount of time that was given to me. That's just me though.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

Thanks for sharing everyone!
I would LOVE to work part time. I was so upset that this was taken off the table. If I turn down the position, I can look for part time work in a different school, but I know the odds aren't good in this economy. I'm an arts specialist, and of course the arts are the first thing to go.

I THINK legally I am entitled to A job, but not necessarily my job until DD enters kindergarten. But if I have another DC in between....

Argh!

Its so hard. I REALLY want to work part time, and am so upset that after I was promised this 6 months ago, its suddenly taken off the table, with no apologies.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I was in your position sort of. We could make it on the one income, but I had a job I could take dd with me. In the end I am a sahm mom, I don't regret it, don't miss my work life at all. I also figured since we want more than one child I would end up taking off more time in the future anyways. Money is tighter but I feel no guilt. You.really just have tp try to imagine both situations and choose which you feel works the best for you.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I don't know about your position and contract but can you take a long maternity leave. I'm taking 2 full years (but since DD2 was born in May she's been about 2 years and 4 months when I go back). For me that is perfect. I knew in my heart I wasn't ready to go back after 1 year and could afford a second year off, but not more after that.

The feeling I had was: I would regret the time I didn't spend with them and I'd never regret the time I did spend....but I like working and want to go back, just in a little while.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

For me working was the only option.
Even if we didn't need my salary- which we do- I would want to work.
The time I was home on maternity leave I felt like I was going to lose my mind.
I am not cut out to stay home with a baby. I am just not.

Going back to work was hard at first, but it really saved my sanity. I love my quiet drives to work just listening to music and sipping coffee. I love getting dressed up, wearing my work clothes again, doing my hair and makeup etc.
I love the lunches with friends and coworkers, the adult interaction, the feeling of fulfillment.

I worked very hard to get where i am in my career and I felt there was no reason I couldn't have the best of both worlds.

ETA- I am also amazed by what she has learned at daycare, how she interacts with other children, adults etc.
They are giving her so much more there in terms of socializiaton etc than I EVER could at home.

Message edited 5/19/2011 10:33:59 AM.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

Full time. Best decision for ME ever.

Yeah we need the income but I bet I could scrape by without it. Mine or my hubby's actually. One of us could stay home.

That extra money makes everything else possible. The tubes that she needed. Even tho its covered by insurance we paid out of pocket $1500. The trip to Disney I'm taking her on, the trips to all sorts of places, aquariums, zoos, parks etc. Honestly it adds up fast. I know that I spend quality time with her when I'm home. I know she's getting quality time at daycare learning social skills and educational as well. Even if I stayed at home I now know I could NOT keep up with her fast mind.

I know I'm setting an example of hard work equals great rewards. She doesn't go to 'school' she goes to 'work' she even tells me "I'm working on this, mama, see?" She's learning to enjoy life even if it means a little bit of work. I see it as a benefit to her.

Everyone is different.

This is just why *I* am glad I made the choice. Do I miss her occasionally? Sure. Did I miss the first step, word, clap, etc? NOPE. If mama didn't see it, it didn't happen! Honestly I have videos of her every single milestone. rolling over, crawling, walking, talking, grasping, clapping, counting, etc. I didn't miss ANYTHING!

Also in a few years she'll be in school. If I took those years off the struggle for me to get back into my position I have now would be so hard. And she'd be in school anyway, what did I gain? I'd be stressing out instead of working with her on the transition. Right now, school transition will be a breeze. We know what to expect, how it will work and how to handle it.

So I'm a FTWM and proud of it!

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I went back FT when DS was 3 months old. THen when he was 7 months I went PT - 3 days a week. And when he was 16 months I became a SAHM.

My advice is to go back, try it out for a few months (dont make a decision after 1 months as it takes some time to adjust). Especially if you plan to try for #2 soon, you may not be working too long when you go back out for a few more years.

Being you are a teacher I would be hesitant to give up my position without being 100% sure its what I want LONG TERM! Because as we all k now finding a teaching job is nearly impossible these days!

GL!

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I work full-time and am pregnant with DC#2.

I went back to work when DS was 12 weeks old and then he didn't start going to daycare (in-home) until he was 19wks old because Ds was off for the summer (he's a teacher). I'm not going to lie...it was very hard at first to go back, I missed Ds soo much and really wished we didn't need my salary. however, I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I HATED the company I worked for when I went back. they gave me SUCH a hard time during my pregnancy and after I came back from leave.

As time has gone on (DS is now 13 months old) I now appreciate that he goes to daycare. He's learned so much and i get my "adult" time to myself. I hoenstly don't think I could be a SAHM...or at least a good one. I feel like DS has gained soo much from being around other kids and his daycare person. I switched jobs in march thankfully and am in a much better situation thatn my old job. I work from home 2 days a week and come into the city 3 days. My boss is amazing and I have a great support here as a parent. I don't think I could've stayed at my old company now that I'm prgnant with DC#2 so everything happened at the right time.

I plan to return to working FT after DC#2. We need my salary, even though good portion will go to daycare.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I work full time and commute to the city. I still want to work full time, but find something closer to home. Even if I had the option to be a SAHM, I wouldn't. I need to be out and about.

It will be hard at first for you, but over time you will get used to it.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

I just got back from visiting a day care in our neighborhood. The kids all looked happy. The staff was nice. Some didn't speak proper English - ( which bothers me a bit if the children are learning to speak and picking up language while there for the majority of their day), but were good with the kids.

Maya cried and clinged to me. Which made me see maybe she does need some time away from me.

But I'm crying at the thought of leaving her for the majority of the day, for the majority of the week.

I am so upset right now. I really wish part time was on the table.

Thank you all so much for listening to me and for your honest input.

Re: anxiety about going back to work with poll

Making the decision to stay at home was a no brainer for us. Once we figured out how much day care would cost, plus the costs of working (gas, wardrobe, etc), we realized that I would be left with NOTHING after paying for daycare and work related expenses. DH took on extra work at his job, and I have been a SAHM for 8 years now.