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JenMarie
One day at a time
Member since 11/07 7397 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
I need input if anyone can shed some light and offer advice. I'm posting the story in case anyone has dealt with a similar situation and has some knowledge to share.
My grandmother lives with my father, sister and sister's boyfriend. My dad has a friend who lives downstairs. Grams is 350 pounds and wants to die so she can be with my grandfather. She says that's not true sometimes, but sometimes she says it and you can just see it when you look at her. She is in and out of the hospital because her lungs have been failing for quite some time now (at least that's what the doc says). She gets what resembles asthma attacks and has to be hospitalized. She has gotten smart and learned that she can refuse treatment and what not. So we have to wait until she's ready to go to the hospital when she's sick because she refuses, no matter what we say or do (we even tell her my father will be arrested for neglect and she says she doesn't care). Now she has started refusing the home care they send when she comes home. And this past time she refused to go to the rehab center for physical therapy because she doesn't move, even to go to the bathroom. She told everyone she has 24 hour care, which she technically does because someone's always home, but she doesn't allow anyone to clean her up when she soils herself or give her a shower unless she wants it, which is not nearly as often as it should be. She won't eat if you don't serve her. She sleeps probably 18 hours a day. She even has a mechanical recliner that will lift her to a standing position if needed, so there is literally NO movement on her part. So even though there's care, she doesn't allow anyone to actually care for her. And being 350 pounds, we can't lift her to clean her without her allowing us.
My father can not afford to put her in a nursing home. And he feels like she deserves to die happily so everyone should just give her what she wants. I understand how he feels, but at the same time, it's hurting her. She doesn't qualify for Medicaid because she gets my grandfather's pension from the railroad.
What can we do, if anything? It's so hard to watch her deteriorate and see the kind of stress it puts on my Dad.
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Posted 3/13/08 8:02 PM  |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
The Nassau County Bar Association has a free monthly clinic that offers a 30-minute private consultation with an attorney. Telephone registration is required: (516) 747-4070.
http://www.nassaubar.org/community_programs.cfm#d
You could call them to see if they can refer you to an Elder Care attorney. Good luck.
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| Posted 3/13/08 8:45 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
she will qualify for medicaid..her money will go toward her care. You should contact an attorney, start the medicaid application process (cost about 6K) and get her in a long term care facility.
They will go back three years to find out if there's money there that has been gifted..etc.
She sounds depressed..she needs psychiatric help.
I'm so sorry your family is going through this.
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| Posted 3/13/08 10:21 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
 I take care of my grandma full time and we have an elder care lawyer. I forget his name but my MIL used the same lawyer for DH's grandpa and swears by him. I can find out his name and # if you're interested.
I don't know why she wouldn't qualify for medicaid. my grandma has my grandpa's pension as well but she has medicaid. We're actually in the process of using it b/c she's entitled to "24 hour care" as well and my mom's not home all day b/c she works so I take care of her. FM me for more info if you need. 
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| Posted 3/13/08 11:04 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
We used Richard Weinblatt in Islandia. He is excellent.
(631)582-5151
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| Posted 3/14/08 8:53 AM |
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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
Posted by Blu-ize
She sounds depressed..she needs psychiatric help.
I'm so sorry your family is going through this.
Agreed!
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| Posted 3/14/08 9:10 AM |
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JenMarie
One day at a time
Member since 11/07 7397 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
See, that's what we say. She has no will to live or to better herself. But when she's with the docs, nurses and social workers, she puts on an amazing act. She's happy, she gets up and walks and does the exercises they ask her to do, etc. We tell them right in front of her that she's putting an act on. They ask her if that's the truth and she says we're all lying because we want tog et rid of her. My Dad's at the point of giving up so I feel like I need to step in. Thanks for all of the names and numbers of attorneys.
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| Posted 3/14/08 9:44 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
Posted by Jennifer907
See, that's what we say. She has no will to live or to better herself. But when she's with the docs, nurses and social workers, she puts on an amazing act. She's happy, she gets up and walks and does the exercises they ask her to do, etc. We tell them right in front of her that she's putting an act on. They ask her if that's the truth and she says we're all lying because we want tog et rid of her. My Dad's at the point of giving up so I feel like I need to step in. Thanks for all of the names and numbers of attorneys.
I think sitting down with a counselor in a group / family setting would be a good place to start.
Is she showing any signs of dementia? ETA - I only ask b/c depression often comes along with it...
Message edited 3/14/2008 9:47:35 AM.
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| Posted 3/14/08 9:46 AM |
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JenMarie
One day at a time
Member since 11/07 7397 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
Posted by Kara
Posted by Jennifer907
See, that's what we say. She has no will to live or to better herself. But when she's with the docs, nurses and social workers, she puts on an amazing act. She's happy, she gets up and walks and does the exercises they ask her to do, etc. We tell them right in front of her that she's putting an act on. They ask her if that's the truth and she says we're all lying because we want tog et rid of her. My Dad's at the point of giving up so I feel like I need to step in. Thanks for all of the names and numbers of attorneys.
I think sitting down with a counselor in a group / family setting would be a good place to start.
Is she showing any signs of dementia? ETA - I only ask b/c depression often comes along with it...
Yes. Sometimes when she wakes up she doesn't know if it's night or day. Once in a while she won't know who someone is. She can't understand you when you speak unless you repeat yourself 4 times. She thinks her dreams are reality sometimes. She imagines things sometimes, like that my sister is going to the deli to buy her breakfast when really my sister went to work. And the other day my sister and her boyfriend were in my fathers room looking at something on the computer with him. She thought he had a heart attack and was on the floor (she was in the other room so she didn't see or hear anything - just thought this) but said she went to sleep because she was afraid to ask if something was wrong.
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| Posted 3/14/08 11:20 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Any elderly care lawyers or someone familiar with elderly care? (LONG)
I would make a list of her assets (most importantly who owns the home?) & contact an elder care attorney.
I would think Medicaid would pick up the nursing home tab if she doesn't own the home or has very little assets. She needs to be in a home. She's not getting the care she needs because she's preventing it. There are places that are equipped to deal with this.
A woman didn't get off a toilet for 2 years and the person who aided her in staying there is accused of neglect because he didn't take action on her being mentally ill. I'm not sure if your dad is an only child but he should be careful he doesn't get accused of neglect.
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| Posted 3/14/08 11:45 AM |
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