Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

I am not a single mom, but 6 nights a week, I am home alone with DD till at least 11:00, maybe 10:30 when my DH gets home from work. Some nights he doesn't come home at all. he usually works Sundays too. I am the only one home after work and on weekends.

I get home from work at around 8:30-9:00 three days a week, the other two I work from home.

My question is how do you get dinner made or clean or do laundry? I feel like I put her in front of the TV too much just so I can get these things done. I feel horrible about it.

DH is a neat freak too, so he gets very upset when the house isn't in order. basically, we fight about it alot!!

Any suggeestions? Am I being too hard on myself? We cannot afford a cleaning lady at this time. maybe in September when I get additional free-lance work on the weekends.

My DD is 3.5 months old.

Message edited 7/30/2008 1:59:26 PM.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who DH is never home?

My kids are usually playing while I'm cleaning, or napping, or trying to help me. I rarely have the TV on. I guess I'm luck in that they can entertain themselves if I'm not playing with them.

Your DH is being unrealistic expecting you to work, take care of your child and keep your home spotless. He essentially is asking you to work 3 jobs. He should be helping out when he *is* home instead of complaining about it.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

Posted by snowboardgirl


DH is a neat freak too, so he gets very upset when the house isn't in order. basically, we fight about it alot!!

Any suggeestions? Am I being too hard on myself? We cannot afford a cleaning lady at this time. maybe in September when I get additional free-lance work on the weekends.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

I may as well be a single mom, DH is working or doing SOMETHING what seems like all the time.
When he IS home we don't know what to do with ourselves.
Basically, I do a lot of cleaning, organizing, cooking etc. when DS is napping. I know I can buy 2 solids hours if I put him inhis swing.....that thing is a parent's dream!
DS has also become pretty self-sufficient, playing well by himself now that he can sit up and roll around.....I check on him as I zoom by to do something else. I try to limit that though......

I will aslo clean and organize my kitchen with DS in his high chair and let him play with his toys or I put some frozen mango in the net thingy and he chomps away.

You alos need to be able to let things go that aren't emergency, and if you argue with DH, tell HIM to do it!
I know it's hard, I cannot sit down if there's a sink full of dishes, oh the horror!!!!!!
I also beg DH to be proactive, he is a HUG pile maker, sh!t everywhere!!! I ask him all the time to just try not to make such clutter so I don't have to spend all night cleaning up after him, the dog, the baby......it's annoying!!!

Message edited 7/30/2008 12:51:32 PM.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

I have to add that my DD is 3.5 months old.

My DH is very clean, you do not have to ask him do do ANYTHING. But that makes me feel worse sometimes. I never go to bed with dishes in the sink, even though I eat dinner at 11:00.

I just don't feel like I do enough, and I feel lik eI am not giving DD enough attention.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

My DH works late like that some nights and he always works weekends. It's definatley hard and some days I feel like I get nothing done. First off, your DH needs to lay off and help. Does your DH have any days off? I told my DH that he has a son now, his days of lounging around are over (I do have to remind him of this constantly though). You are definatley being too hard on yourself.

I don't know how old your DD is but now that my son is 2 1/2 it's a lot easier. He "helps" me with the laundry and he hangs out in the kitchen when I cook dinner. I try to make quick things during the week like pasta with chicken and veggies. When DH is home, I have him bbq a couple of extra cutlets so I have them for a couple of days to add to things.

As for cleaning, I try to do a floor a night (we have a split so, 3 floors!!) after DS goes to bed. Or, I do all the dusting one night and the floors the next. I try to break it up but sometimes I just have to throw on a Thomas dvd and have him play by himself while I do things. Particularly if it's a rainy Sunday.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

Posted by snowboardgirl

I have to add that my DD is 3.5 months old.

My DH is very clean, you do not have to ask him do do ANYTHING. But that makes me feel worse sometimes. I never go to bed with dishes in the sink, even though I eat dinner at 11:00.

I just don't feel like I do enough, and I feel lik eI am not giving DD enough attention.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

Honestly I tell my husband if he doesn't think it's clean enough he can clean it himself!! He has shut up about it a lot. I also left him alone with both kids for 5 hours so he can see how hard it is. When I came home I made the same stink he would have made pointing out, how come the kids aren't dressed, toys all over etc and he has been very quiet ever since.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

what about getting a cleaning lady to help?

that way you could come home to a clean house- and get to spend more time with your DD

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

My Dh gets home at like 11pm at night. He doesnt like the house dirty either. But my mott o is I work full-time and i'm preggo so you better not be asking me to tidy up nothing.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

I'm not a single mom, but I sure do feel like it. DH is a software analyst, a tax software one at that, so pretty much from Jan-May he does not get home until 9-10, and in July and August when they do product releases its late nights again. Normally he tries to be at work by 9 and his home by 6:30 when things are normal.

Some things I do that help are prepare extra meals on the weekends, we share the laundry responsibility on the weekend after the girls are in bed, we have a cleaning lady every other Friday for deep cleaning, DH does help out a lot and has even given me Saturday as my day to do errands for the house, my alone time, etc.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

My best friend is divorced, completely self-sufficient with a now 8 year old. I'm not a single mom & would not even begin to understand your plight of working so many hours - or having a DH that does.

I will say this...at 3.5 months old, she is learning & you are spending time with her than you think. Put her in the kitchen with you, while you work. Sing to her, explain what you're doing as you do it. You are just, if not more, entertaining than a TV.

My kids watch a lot of TV & I regret it. Now that they are older, it's a big fight to deal with. If anything learn for my mistakes.

It's going to be 1000% harder to keep the place clean once she is crawling around so I'd set those expectations with DH now - or explain that he's going to have to clean while you spend time with the baby.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

Posted by snowboardgirl

I have to add that my DD is 3.5 months old.

My DH is very clean, you do not have to ask him do do ANYTHING. But that makes me feel worse sometimes. I never go to bed with dishes in the sink, even though I eat dinner at 11:00.

I just don't feel like I do enough, and I feel lik eI am not giving DD enough attention.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

Posted by nrthshgrl


I will say this...at 3.5 months old, she is learning & you are spending time with her than you think. Put her in the kitchen with you, while you work. Sing to her, explain what you're doing as you do it. You are just, if not more, entertaining than a TV.

My kids watch a lot of TV & I regret it. Now that they are older, it's a big fight to deal with. If anything learn for my mistakes.

It's going to be 1000% harder to keep the place clean once she is crawling around so I'd set those expectations with DH now - or explain that he's going to have to clean while you spend time with the baby.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

I'm not a single mom, but my DH works a lot and works late nights and even the weekends. I have 2 children now, and I've always just been the type to say "let it slide". Yes, I admit, my house is always a mess (clean, just messy with things all over and not put in the proper places). DH got over it real quickly when he had to stay home with a 2 year old and a newborn when I was sick and hospitalized. I always am thankful for that, only in a sense that until he walked in my shoes, he really didn't have an understanding of what it was like.

I am also very lucky that I have a DH that when he is home, is with the kids non-stop. He is home on Tuesday's and has them the whole day while I escape for the day to my office (I work PT when they need me).

Hang in there, the laundry will be there when you can get to it, the dishes will be done eventually, I'd enjoy your DD because it goes so fast!

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

I'm not a single mom...technically, but DH works 2 jobs, 6 days a week and plays sports on Sundays, so I am alone with DD a lot.

I do what I can during the week...but most of the time by the time I get DD fed and ready for bed (we play for a bit when I get home too) then I make/eat dinner and I am beat...

I try to make sure the dishes are always done, the bottles are washed and maybe I got some laundry done...the rest of it waits until i can get to it, usually sometime over the weekend...

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

My DH works long hours...by the time he gets home the kids are already sleeping. I think you have too much pressure on you to keep up with things, especially since you're working. I'm a SAHM and I find it hard to keep up with cleaning and laundry, etc. I can only imagine it would be much harder if I was working. What time does you DD go to sleep? As they get older they tend to fall asleep earlier. My DS used to go to bed 6-6:30 for the longest time. My DD is the same age as yours and she goes to bed between 7-8 now so I try to get stuff done at night after they're asleep. Thankfully, my DH doesn't give me too much of a hard time about keeping everything neat all the time. I'd say my house is clean, but there's always stuff laying around that should be put away, bed unmade, laundry to be folded, etc. Also as your DD gets older she'll be able to do stuff on her own for longer periods of time or even help out. I give my 2 year old little things to do so he feels like he's helping me. You can do stuff like fold laundry while they're laying there and talk about the clothes and colors, put DD in the exersaucer while you put dishes away, etc. I think it gets easier as they get older.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

Dh is home late...at least 4/5 days out of wk..meaning he gets home we are both asleep.

I come home late since Im usually at my moms for dinner.
After that I come home and crash. Sometimes I get things done..sometimes I dont. Its not messy or dirty and the laundry gets done.

Weekends are when I get it done.

Re: Any single moms, or moms who's DH is never home?

DH works long hours but, nothing like what you describe. Also, I am a SAHM so it is a little different. Basically, the only time I can get things "done' is at night after the baby goes to sleep, during his nap time and before he wakes up. He is a terrible sleeper though so all this added together is still not enough time I would say it takes me this much time just to wash all his stuff (bottles, dishes toys etc), do our laundry and his and keep the house in decent (and I use that term very loosely) shape.

We have a cleaning lady but, so it isn't overwhelmingly expensive, I only have her come about once every 3 wks or sometimes once a month - believe it or not - this is enough to make a HUGE difference b/c she can do all the heavy cleaning I can't get to and it often doesn't need to be done that often - maybe you could do this? It REALLY helps.

Honestly, you are going to have to have a talk with your DH - if DH expected me to have the house in that shape I think we would be headed for divorce court, in all seriousness - that is a MAJOR stress you don't need! I am sure he doesn't understand what your days are like b/c he is not around enough

Also, not sure how it is for everyone but, i think it may only get more difficult, now that DS is 11 mos it is IMPOSSIBLE to get alone time to get things done for any length of time - he is in to everything and hates to be restrained in things but when he is not - he is all over the place and into everything.

Message edited 7/31/2008 1:22:21 PM.