Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

I used to go into every cycle thinking it would be the one ........ but with the failures I've had already, at this point I feel like I just can't fathom the outcome of the next cycle being any different.

I know I'm usually way more positive than this ... so maybe this is the pill talking, but I just feel like I have nothing else to go by other than the pregnancies I had that were all hard to come by, and all failed in the end.

Of course it's easy to look at other pregnancies that are healthy and DO work out ... and use that as my motivation .. but that was my strategy all along and looks where its got me.

I had a horribly depressing conversation tonight where I said I just don't expect my next pregnancy to end any different than my last, and what's horrible is for the first time, I actually said that and really meant it. I looked at the calendar recently and figured out if I get pregnant this cycle, I'll be around 16wks on my birthday (the time we found out about my first pregnancy's complications) and immediately I imagined this year's birthday being ruined. I've lost faith. Infertility/pregnancy loss, and everything that comes with it has become a new normal.

This is probably the pill talking, but I really do feel so hopeless

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Yes, I think it's a normal reaction! I would feel that way every cycle...I would think "why would this cycle Brant different". Feel better sweetie

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

wow...yes!!!

i just started up again this week. and i had a hard day at work feeling very anxious. i came home took a nice long bath and then gee i hve to do the shots again. i looked at my belly already getting bruised. and then my next thoughts are..... okay if i do get preg...there are only two outcomes...either major joy with having a baby...or utter devastation again.

last june when i had the chemical after the ivf...i thought i just couldnt bear it again. and then with this last mc...... i reallllllllllllly felt as though...this is it! at my 8 week appt after finding out everything was perfect..i dontated all my meds and finally breathed and let myself believe i was going to be a mommy.
then the next week happened.

staring at 3 pregnant bellies all day made me so sad (at work) and i started having those bad thoughts again...that maybe god/the person upstairs....doesnt think i will be a good mother and that this is why all this has happened. but i do know there are people out there with no business being parents and i cant be all that bad lol

its easier to have faith for others...such as i believe all of us will be mothers one way or another..but its hard to give myself that same faith!

i hope you feel better soon! xoxoxox

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Yeah, i do.....I kinda go thru the motions bc I don't want to give up.....I'm usually positive too but my last pregnancy ended the way yours did and now nothing is getting me pregnant...crazy....everyone says at least u have one and I totally get that bc there was a time I was told that might be impossible but I feel like I'm grasping for straws....
I have had one issue after another.... I did get pregnant naturally with my last miscarriage but that was such a fluke...then I find out my ovarian reserve is reduced for my age of 32. I have endo,one tube...blah blah....I hate the idea of DD being an only child....just want her to grow up having someone else to love....I have to say I had a rough pregnancy and was sick for almost 9 months...I remember crying on the bathroom floor thinking omg, I'm gonna die....would do it all over again now!

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Just wanted to send some to you gals. I know my journey didn't come close to what some of you have faced, but I do think that what you are feeling is completely normal and to be expected.

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

i havent been through what you girls have been through (yet?) but i feel completely disheartened about this journey. i cry everytime i think about it (haha a LOT).

just want to give you lots of hugs

Like pruniepie said, its a lot easier to have faith for others- i am confident that you all will be mommies soon!

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

i could've written your post word for word. in 09 after we lost our son, i was somehow still hopeful, in '10 after i lost my tube from the ectopic i was not only hopeful--i was grateful to be alive. last nov after my chemical, i still believed we would go on to have a healthy pregnancy. now that we just started IUI's, i have moments of hope but my overall feeling is one of doom. i try to fight it b/c i don't want to put negative vibes out there but it's still there. just today i asked DH if there will be a point where we "give up" on TTC. and sadly, while we both know we're not at that point yet, it doesn't seem like it's completely out of the realm of possibilities. and i feel the same as you girls do, i have a TON of faith for others. i always feel like it will work out for people, but it's so hard to have that faith for myself i hope all of us have our dreams come true soon

Message edited 6/11/2011 9:28:06 PM.

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

I always catch myself thinking negatively. We met with Dr. B today to discuss IVF. We are deciding between starting when I get my next period (still haven't gotten it since the D&C), or waiting until after the summer. We are going to Aruba in August, so in my head, I was thinking, "okay, we will know about a week before we go that it didn't work, and then we'll go away before the next one." Later, I said to DH, "I just realized that I didn't even think of the possibility that the first IVF could work, and then I would be pregnant for vacation." I hate being such a pessimist!

Message edited 6/11/2011 10:16:03 PM.

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

You have every right to feel the way that you do. I am hoping this is it for you

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Posted by Irishgrl1017

You have every right to feel the way that you do. I am hoping this is it for you

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

it makes me amazed that people can actually get pregnant easily. dh and i were marveling at that today, how easy it is for some.

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Yea......... I was just thinking about how much our last IVF cycle cost us (even WITH insurance!!!) ... between the IVF, anesthesia, extra 1k for ICSI, almost 1k in drugs..

It BLOWS ME AWAY that people can conceive for FREE, and just pay the 12 bucks for an HPT before seeing a doctor!! I mean don't get me wrong, these people are truly blessed and it's incredible that people are so lucky. . but still, it sounds like such a bizarre concept to me that people can get pregnant naturally and for FREE!!

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

Posted by JavaJunkie

Yes, I think it's a normal reaction! I would feel that way every cycle...I would think "why would this cycle Brant different". Feel better sweetie

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

I have felt that way myself. After having two miscarriages,( one at 14 weeks) i sit here thinking that the other shoe will drop any day now. I find it hard to be positive with this pregnancy. Both miscarriages were discovered during Doctor's appointment sonos. I have a sono Monday and I can't help but expect bad news. I just want to enjoy being pregnant but I just can't yet.

Re: Anyone else get to the point where you don't expect things to work out?

I think this whole journey so such an emotional one that no one truly understands unless you have been there. I think it is normal to feel that way since you have gone through so much. I never thought after 7yrs of nothing that I would get a BFP. This last cycle I was numb throughout most of it. I played my positive music, I lit my fertility and Irish wishing candle and tried harder then ever to stay positive and in the 'It will happen and be fine' zone. When the negative thoughts entered my mind like they do now I replace them with positive words. As hard as it was I would not let myself go down that road. It was my time, our time and even now only after one sono I have to stay focused and positive that things will be ok these next 9months.
This is your time PennyCat! This is your time to shine and get what you have been waiting for. I know it is hard since you have been through so much but you are so strong and it will happen. It is the perfect time for you to get that BFP and to hold on to that healthy baby or babies.