Anyone fighting more with their SO *UPDATE*

DH and I get along so well. WE hardly fight. We've been married just 13 years now and 2 boys. We are always usually on the same page. Both pretty liberal, work hard, love to have fun, go out and enjoy eachother's company and with friends too.
Now with this whole quarentine we are fighting more. I think we've had more fights in the last week than we have in our relationship. He's taking this quarantine super serious. Haven't ordered out, all food gets delivered, we social distance, etc. WE see the neighbors out but stand 6 ft away. I feel like I'm always getting lectures or the boys if we get too close.
Our latest fight is our son will be 11 next week and I mentioned ordering an ice cream cake from a place that does curb side and he does not want to. He said he'll order the ingediants and we can make the cake. This is just getting ridiculous. No pizza, I haven't been out in 2 months besides b-day parades. HE works at a home doing construction, but onone is there. At least he gets out though. I'm work from home and helping my 5th and 3rd grader. With them all day and once in a while drive to a bday parade. I feel like I'm going to loose it. I just want a drop of some normalness. Other friends are running out to stores, but not me. WE get delivered.

Sorry for the vent. It's just getting too much


**UPDATE**
So we talked and everything has been so much better. Friday night the neighbors in the culdesac decided to order pizza and we’d all eat outside apart from each other. When the guys were drinking I used the time to tell the boys about dh and his fear with pizza. Well I guess peer pressure worked bc he caved and we got pizza and he seems a lot better. lol
Thanks!

Message edited 5/17/2020 9:31:05 AM.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Sorry but no pizza and no ice cream cake for your son is ridiculous.
We have been getting take out at least 2 times a week since the beginning and we are all alive still.
I'd put my foot down on that.
How long can this really go on?

Anyone fighting more with their SO

Go out and get the cake.
You don't need your husband's permission.

It sounds like he is trying to be the sole authority - I would just talk to him and explain that you appreciate his perspective, but its important to you to get a cake for your son and you are going to do it. You will take the necessary precautions.

Anyone fighting more with their SO

So my DH and I have the same arguments. We are both working from home. He does IT and is pretty busy right. He works in our office while I work in the kitchen with our 6 year old son. My DH usually has a bit of health anxiety so this situation has kicked it up a few notches. I like to cook and have gotten used to cooking. I almost got him to order from our favorite Chinese take out place. For DH's birthday last week, I learned to make my own pizza dough, which actually tasted better than the pizzeria. I should mention I'm 21 weeks pregnant so my DH really doesn't want any extra risks. He freaks out when I come home from an OB appointment and don't take off my clothes immediately. We did let up a little bit because our son is driving us nuts and we needed some time apart so my in-laws take him 1 day a week. I agree with being cautious and certainly do not want to take any risks for myself. But while my DH is comforted by staying home to avoid risks, I guess I am getting antsy. I disagree with just getting the pizza and the cake because you don't want to cause extra friction. I would maybe appeal to his feelings and try to find a pizza place that you both feel takes the necessary precautions. That worked with my husband. Everyone has their own take on this situation and cautious they choose to be.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

We're not fighting but we're really not a couple that normally does, my DH is really laid back. To be honest, I would not have the energy to fight anyway, I've been struggling to cope with this quarantine. I've had some really lousy days, I wouldn't have gotten through those days without him.

As for your son's birthday, I would absolutely order the cake and get the pizza. No question! You should also try going out once in a while, it makes you feel so human again to get dressed and see other people. I go food shopping myself but as a family, as long as it's nice outside, we like to hit up the parks and hiking trails. We've even picked up food while we are out and we have a "picnic" in the back of my SUV or on nearby grass. It's not quite "normal life" but getting out and away from the house feels AMAZING!!!!

I know people (like your DH) are nervous about the virus but it's not healthy to be trapped at home 24/7 for weeks and weeks on end. It gets maddening and puts you on edge. It's good to change things up, it's good to see people even from 6 ft away, it's good to be in nature and honestly, it's even good to run an errand or two. Two weekends ago we came out to LI and it was the BEST day I have had in months! We ate out twice and we drove around visiting family and friends (staying 6ft apart outside). I needed that mental break from this hell.

Happy 11th Birthday to your son!

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Anyone fighting more with their SO

That wouldn't fly with me. He doesn't get to make all the rules. You are an adult. Order pizza and cake and tell him to eat what he wants.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Anyone fighting more with their SO

Maybe try talking to him about why he feels this way. Is it anxiety? Not trusting others? He feels safer doing? You could always agree to disagree on your opinions.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Anyone fighting more with their SO

What is he gonna do if you just go and get the cake behind his back, call the police? Just ridiculous lol

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Thank ladies! I agree with you all and I know it's so stupid and silly too. I mean a cake?!

I get some things are just not fighting over and I haven't really even talked to him in 2 days. LOL
He's non-confrontational so even more annoying bc if the subject comes up he's like... do whatever you want. I get it. I can in the end pick up a cake, but just hate he doesn't see my side.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Anyone fighting more with their SO

Sorry you are going through this....I personally have not been fighting and we have been on the same page. However I will say this; your DH is likely extremely anxious and fearful of this virus. Anxiety often projects as anger. I don’t necessarily think it’s intentional but people have the right to feel how they want about the virus and take the precautions they want to take and you may not be on the same page now but continuing to have ongoing discussions and working towards common ground I think will help mores. Hang in there; I know it’s tough but I honestly think your DH is probably very fearful of loosing one of you to this virus and I can’t say I blame him.
However in terms of food itself there’s a very low I mean less then 1% low rate of transmission in food, like someone would legit need to sneeze on your food as you are eating low. I would maybe share some research on transmission regarding food to help drive the discussion

Message edited 5/15/2020 7:18:08 AM.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

i feel the pain of those who are fighting more!!

things have gotten scary in my home.

i was so happy at the end of the winter that we reached out five-year mark. now, i'm looking at apartments to move out.

because by saying "scary in my home," i mean i am starting to fear for my physical well being.

SO has become very angry, bitter, racist, controlling, demanding. i no longer argue because i don't want to have to deal with the aftermath. i just smile and knit. when he leaves the house for any chore/errand, i have been going through drawers to collect important documents i want to make sure i don't forget when i finally find an apartment to move into.

this will be the first time in my almost 47 years that i will be living alone. i'm so scared.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Message edited 5/15/2020 11:21:20 AM.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

it doesn't sound like he's trying to be controlling on purpose, it sounds more like anxiety to me. a lot of times, when i am anxious i do what i can do control the situation - by his family staying home and staying safe, that is what he can control.

in all reality, someone is still packing and delivering your groceries and purchases in the same way someone cooking pizza or a cake would be. i would point those things out. i have health anxiety and my husband is probably about ready to lose it with me too.

Anyone fighting more with their SO

We are getting on each other's nerves. He feels he's doing everything at home(he's currently on vacation but, works outside the home) while I feel like (and am) doing the majority of the stuff while working full time from home.

He doesn't understand that working from home means working from home and if I have to take hours during the day to do things, I need to work into the evening.

ETA - But he has no problem with leaving the house to do things, especially related to take out and groceries. We've gone for ice cream a couple of times as well to our local ice cream place.

Message edited 5/15/2020 7:52:02 AM.

Anyone fighting more with their SO

Message edited 5/15/2020 7:50:56 AM.

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO

Re: Anyone fighting more with their SO