Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

I had a bit of a breakdown this weekend. I've been so miserable lately. I have a friend who is sharing the pregnancy journey with me and she always seems to cheery.

I started to hysterically cry this weekend. I rarely cry.

I feel sick all day long everyday. I spent my whole life preparing for a career. There is no way I can juggle my current job and baby. I have zero experience with babies. I feel so overwhelmed.

DH said I can take a few years off and not work but that stresses me out even more. I don't feel comfortable being a stay at home mom either.

I feel like such a mess.

Message edited 8/26/2008 3:13:50 PM.

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

Everyone stresses about becoming a mother, some more openly than others. This is HUGE life changing experience you are embarking on!!

On top of this you are sick, hormonal and not able to truly enjoy this. I was VERY VERY VERY sick my first trimester. While I don't feel 100% normal it gets better day by day and I can start being happy about things again.

Of course I still have my panic moments of Oh my gosh i'm going to be someone's mother" But then I remember that my mother went through the same thing and her mother and so forth!!!

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

I am very bad with change. I am still having a hard time dealing with the fact that i'm pregnant and that my body is changing and that i'm saying good buy to my free/ innocent days (for the most part)

SO the becoming a mother part hasnt even dawned on me yet. I'm sure when that hits me, i'll freak out just like you.

but hey, you cant be prepared for these things, so just remember to take it one day- or one hour at a time as a mom!

You will be great!

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

Um, my son is 15 mos+ and I still have days like that. It means to me that you will be a good mom because you care.

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

yep, me too.

there is no job where you can't also be a parent... I'm in a high stress job too (neuropharmacologist / researcher). My field is super competitive. I've gone to school for 9 years and was in training another several years before getting to this point... I don't want to give it up either, and intend to keep going... To make matters worse, DH is in the same profession and has the same demands, so he doesn't have more time than me.

Everyone justs finds a way. you need good daycare, and most of all, advice from moms in your career who have been there and done that!

I promise you, we'll have horrible days and good days, but in the end, we'll both find a system that works for us

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

Me and I am one. Seriously, I did not have my DD until I was 38. I was used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted. My DH travels a lot for work so I had a ton of freedom to hang with girlfriends, go shopping and get mani-pedis. Getting pregnant put me in a tailspin. I really wanted to be a mom but scared too about how it was all going to work out.

It just does- your career either changes(my SIL was a writer for a TV show- she is now training to be a lifeguard her in Los Angeles so she can be home more with her DD), or your DH works part-time and is SAHD the rest of the time(so you are not sole bread winner). Honestly, you will make it work. Your life will change but oh, so for the better. And this is coming from a self-absorbed moron like me

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

Posted by MsMBV

Um, my son is 15 mos+ and I still have days like that. It means to me that you will be a good mom because you care.

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

I'm going through this too. Especially when you are so sick. You feel like you just want your body back. At least that is what I felt like, and still do at times. I get scared about how much my life is going to change. ALso, I worry if DH and I relationship will stay as strong as it is now. It is such a huge adjustment. It will get better!! Especially when the M/S starts to go away. I still get sick, but nothing like I did in the beginning. I was so happy to just be able to function again. Hang in there, you will figure out what to do.

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

OMG! Were you spying on me and DH this weekend? B/c I had the same breakdown. I was telling DH that I think I'm gonna be a bad Mom, that now that I'm pregnant [and always wanted kids] I don't know if I want one of my own anymore. I was a hysterical mess! I know a bunch of it stems from my Mom asking for a divorce and not wanting custody of me and my brother when I was 4 yrs old... I never felt loved by her. I'm just so scared that I am gonna be like her!! [Even though my Daddy raised me. ]

I think all we can do as Mommies is- our best. It will be scary, it will be hard and it will be an emotional challenge on a daily basis- but the millions of women in the world who proclaim motherhood to be the best job a person could have- cannot all be wrong!!

Say a prayer and when the time comes- jump right in. I bet my house you'll be a fantastic mother!!

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

I think this is a pretty universal feeling. Especially because it involves so much of the "unknown". I see my friends who have toddlers who you can't take your eyes off for a sec and THAT stage really freaks me the H out.

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

These oments will come and go. With 2 days left I def question if I am ready but then I think of some of the morons I know who have done a better than decent job raising their kids and I say "I'm gonna be just fine"

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

Yes. I had this breakdown on the platform at Penn Station yesterday, I was crying into DH's shoulder while all the commuters looked at me the crazy pregnant lady.
I felt so guilty about my feelings that I started crying again when I got home. It was so hard for me to get here, and I want these babies so much, and I know how many women would kill to be where I am right now - I felt so terrible for my feelings... but I just had this moment of panic yesterday.

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

OMG- I am going throught the SAME thing & just gave birth last week.

I have been crying non stop. On & off like a faucet. I just cant help myself. I have so much emotions running inside of me, I dont even know if I am going or coming. I cry because I cant believe the miricle my DH & I created. Hes beautiful. I cry because I think of my life 2 years ago yesterday when DH & I were walking down the aisle getting ready for our honeymoon-what a free life we had. All we had to do was worry about ourselves & taking care of one another. Now we have this helpless little person that we have to take care of. I even cry because my dog who was once my "baby" isn't getting all the attention anymore. I actually see it in his eyes that hes a bit jealous. And for that, I feel guilty!!

I was so happy to get pregnant & know it was going to be a major life adjustment but I guess the reality of it didn't really set in until I brought my baby home. It is completely an overload of emotions. I think about work & how I can possibly get back into a routine again. I think about my life & how I cant just pick up & go like I used to. I think about how lucky I am god sent us this healthy baby boy & wonder what I did so good in life to deserve him. My husband has been wonderful throughout & seeing him as a dad puts tears in my eyes in ways I cant even describe.

So yes, I know what you are going through. You just have to let the tears flow & let it all out. We ALL go through this and I can only imagine if you ask any mom they will tell you that in time, we will all get through it. I just cant wait to get to the point where I can say that I cant imagine my life without my baby. I guess its all a part of becoming a parent. Right now, everything is just a huge shock.

You will get through this & I'm sure you will be a great mom. When in doubt... We are all here to support each other.

I wish you the best of luck & happiness

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

I am scared sh!tless... but, I know I will be able to handle it. I just wonder what it will be like after the baby is no longer a newborn, and we try to get back into some semblance of a normal life.

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

It's reassuring reading everyone's posts being a soon to be 1st time mom. We are about to embark on a whole new journey in our lives and it's scary because we do not know what to expect at all!?? I am hoping once the baby is here it will feel like I never knew what life was like before him. I remember feeling really sick the whole 1st trimester too and really not being able to enjoy the pregnancy at all. I wanted to sleep through the whole thing so I didn't have to get sick anymore. Once you get past that I think it will help calm your emotions a lot more because you will be a lot more at ease feeling like yourself again. Once I got over that hurdle, the 2nd trimester was wonderful to me. I'm 27 weeks and the time is flying. I also have a career that I worked very hard for (masters etc). However, as hard as I've worked I'm willing to give it up so I can stay home with baby. With DH's career, I am fortunate enough to be able to give up mine for now...I think that's one thing that's the scariest for me...But more than anything I am excited to be a mom. I know it is best for our family since we don't have anyone to help care for our baby and my career will always be there.

Message edited 8/27/2008 12:06:34 PM.

Re: Anyone not feel ready to be a mom?

I have one word for you: HORMONES! They are crazy, f-ed up little suckers. Your body chemistry totally changes during and after pregnancy. Though I have not felt like you regarding the same subject( we tried for 3 yrs and had 4 losses) I have felt miserable, crazy, lonely all sorts of emotions.

Lean on your husband and your friends. Know that it WILL all work out in the end. Companies are a lot more willing to work with their employees now. Especially with the new "green" culture, you can try asking for a couple of days from home?