babies and funerals

I know this is morbid.

My grandmother is very ill...she is on Hospice...and showing all of the signs of letting go.

My mother told me that I should pre-arrange what I am going to do with my son if my grandmother should die. ...(my grandparents live in Massena NY...about an 8 hr drive from LI)

My mother in law has offered to take off from work to watch the baby when my DH will be working.

The thing is....I don't know that I will get through the funeral without having DH to lean on...and if James stays in LI, then I would prefer DH to be here too.

So my ? is how horrible is it if I take James with us to the funeral....I have no one to watch him in Massena so that is not an option.

he is almost 15 months old now.


TIA

Re: babies and funerals

I think if you have to bring him then bring him, I have seen many children brought to wakes before. It might be a little harder for you to mourn your loss, since you will be with your son, but it might also be a comfort too.

Is there a way your MIL can go with you and watch the baby while you are at the wake and funeral?

Re: babies and funerals

My DH's grandfather died this summer. I didn't want to bring my son who was about 6 months at the time with me. I thought he would not fare well all day there and cause a scene, thought it would be a sad environment o expose a baby to and it would just be awkward in general for mourners and was afraid of being inappropriate.

Well with no options, I brought him to the one day wake and funeral and everyone was so happy that he was there. He was a gem and he was a great distraction for those who were sad and wanted one. It lightened the mood and everyone thanked me for having him there. It worked out well. The funniest part was during the wake prayer service, the priest said to offer silent prayers and my little guy used that time to let out the loudest squeals ever (causing everyone to giggle). He said he goodbyes to great-grandpa ever so loudly.

Re: babies and funerals

Re: babies and funerals

Re: babies and funerals

I would bring him with you, my grandfather passed away just this past august and my daughter was only a month old and we brought her with us, and it actually put a lof of smiles on everyones face that day. My mom was so thankful that her granddaughter was there cause it made her feel so happy and less stressed out and sad about her dad.

Re: babies and funerals

I think that you should bring him. As other posters said, it will probably make people feel better. DH's Grandfather passed away the day after Christopher was born and while I didn't bring him to the wake or the funeral the following week, I brought him to visit the family for dinner afterwards and he really did cheer everybody up.

Re: babies and funerals

I would bring him-babies bring out a happy side in people. A little off topic but when DH's grandpa died I was like 8 months pregnant. His family was happy to talk about the upcoming new baby, touch my belly, make guesses and it tended to bring some happiness to them knowing a new life was about to come into the world.

Re: babies and funerals

James is part of your grandmother's life, I wouldn't think of leaving him home. Some may find it inapprorpiate, but that's their problem. That is your grandmother, and she is Jame's great-grandmother. You are limited on your options in terms of care. End of story.

I'm sort of in the same situation right now with DH's grandmother. Amber is going, since she is the only great-grandchild who really has any sort of relationship with his grandmother. Anyone who may have an issue with her presence can go scratch.

Re: babies and funerals

Unless bringing him would be a problem (or burden) for you, I would bring him along. Though young, he's part of the family too.