Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

I got married this past June and my bridal shower was in May.

I got pregnant in July. My mom has made comments saying "it's too much to ask people to come to another shower" and that "she feels bad" etc. While I kind of agree that the events are close together, does that mean I shouldn't have a shower at all for my first child?

That being said, my MIL does not speak very much english (she's portuguese) and my mother lives in L.I and while she speaks english, she is korean and all these showers are not the norm in our culture. While both mothers are very willing to help contribute money for the shower, they are totally not the party planning type. Neither of them would not know where to start or what to do. We also want to have the shower in NJ where DH and I live and I did not grow up in NJ and have no idea where to look for places as well.

MY MOH planned my bridal shower and my mom just footed the bill. I don't plan on asking her for help because she is in the middle of planning her wedding. Most of my friends do not live in NJ so it would be hard for them to help or know of places etc.

Because of all this, I knew if I was going to have a shower, I would be doing the work. Invites, favors, research, etc. Therefore, I told DH a few months ago that I am thinking of not having a shower. That we could just use the money my mom would've given us to throw the shower and just buy ourselves the baby stuff we need.

Well, DH refused and was adamant about having a shower. He said he'll find a place, call etc.

Well, he basically called a few places and realized what a pain it is to plan a party and how expensive it can be. So he now agrees with me that maybe we should just not have one.

The problem is, I've been researching ideas etc since now I'm in the mentality that we're having one and i've told some friends to save the particular date. It is just sooo frustrating that there is no one to help me and DH was the one pushing for this and now I am stuck planning it.

Sorry sooo long. My question is, what is a typical amount to spend PP at a baby shower and what do you get for it?

for example, one menu we got. Is this even a good deal???

Starters
Fruit Martini

Entrees
Farm House Skillet
Pan fried potatoes, onion, bacon, tomato,
Spinach and cheddar cheese topped with scrambled eggs

Amelia’s Eggs Benedict
black forest ham, English muffin and hollandaise

Caramel Crunch Brioche French Toast
cornflake crusted with bananas and caramel rum sauce

Southern Apple Chicken Sausage and Biscuits
With homemade sausage gravy

Desserts
Roasted Apple Stromboli ala Mode
Caramelized apples rolled in walnuts and cranberries
Baked in a soft crust, and served with
crème anglaise


Beverage
Unlimited Coffee, Tea, Soda, Iced Tea & Lemonade.
All other beverages and those containing alcohol are
to be billed on a running bar tab

Total ~ $26 per person plus tax and 20% gratuity

eta: DH and I think it's expensive for just breakfast items.

If any of you have been to a shower in NJ, and have had a good experience, please let me know!

Message edited 1/17/2012 10:39:18 AM.

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

Could you have a shower at someone's house and/or do something smaller? This way you're still having something, but not paying as much per head.

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

crashing... Could you have a shower at someone's house and/or do something smaller? This way you're still having something, but not paying as much per head.

Message edited 1/17/2012 11:10:01 AM.

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

First off, many to you. I got a lot of crap also from family about having a shower (I got PG after being married for 5 months). It has caused me so much anxiety that I don't even really want one anymore. So I know how you feel!!

The way I have my reasoning towards having a shower, if I got PG after being married a year or two, I would most definitely have one. All babies deserve a party, no matter when they were conceived.

In terms of the menu, dumb question - do they get ALL of the entrees or a choice of one? Regardless, I think that's a good price, IMO. I haven't researched brunch spots, but all lunch menus I have seen started at around 30-35 PP. Try to see if you can haggle them to include Bloody Mary's and Mimosas into the price, or to add it for like $5 more PP. In that case I would say book it! Good luck!

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

First off Im sorry your having issues, but to turn a positive spin on this... Look at it as fun to plan your own baby shower because you can make sure you get all the things you want and you dont have to depend on someone else to do it for you and risk being disapointed.

I will plan my own baby shower by choice. I wont be telling the guests that, but my mother and MIL do not know the first thing about planning a party AND most of all, plan a party that I would love with all the details I want... I know what I like and what I want, Im picky...

My friends planned their own baby shower as well so dont worry, plenty of women plan their own showers...

I think that price isnt bad at all, but you should 100% negotiate with them! You NEVER just take the price they give you... First off find out if you pay cash if they wont charge you tax... See if they will throw in mimosa's... Find out what the lunch menu is as opposed to breakfast...

Google places and look on yelp or citysearch for places in NJ... Then make a list of a few places and go see them in person to see how they are...

Message edited 1/17/2012 3:26:53 PM.

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

I dont think its too bad a price. I agree try to work them down a bit. Sorry you are stressed. I am planning my own shower but its by choice because i love planning and want things a certain way.
I also dont think anyone would be upset that you are having one. Its your first baby. I dont see how anyone could think that, and if they do then you are better off without them.

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

thank you ladies for reading all that rambling and responding

And you're right, it can be an advantage to plan your own shower and I was getting excited about it since I do like control However, it just annoys me that DH was the one to push me to have it promising to do some of the legwork and now with like 6 weeks to go, decides maybe it's not a bad idea to just forego the shower.

Sigh, I will try to look at a few more places or get this place to add something. We don't mind paying 25-30, but not just for breakfast kwim?

Thanks!!

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

I don't have advice, but that french toast sounds sooooooo good.

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

That's ridiculous. I go pg after several years of marriage. Did I deserve an extra-large shower, since it had been awhile??

It'll work out.

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long

I planned my shower. My mother and MIL are not the planning type. I booked the place, sent the invites, and my friend did the favors. My SIL lives in MA and she bought the cake. It worked out great. Good luck!

Re: Baby Shower vent & question. Very long