BTDT parents of very shy children

My DD begins kindergarten in a couple weeks, and she's really anxious about it. In June we had orientation, which involved taking her to a class then returning to meet the staff. She cried and didn't want us to leave, and whenever the topic comes up she says she's afraid no one will like her, and that's she's scared.

She has gone to daycare since age 1 and has always been well liked- especially the younger kids, who adore her- so I do think she's a likeable kid, which I've told her.

Any tips on how to prepare her? I've told her it's ok to be scared, that many of her future classmates may be scared too. We had an opportunity to give information to the school and we did talk about how she struggles in social situations. She's been placed in a CTT class with two teachers and two aides, which I'm glad about, but I'm also getting anxious myself.

TIA.

Re: BTDT parents of very shy children

My DD also has severe anxiety. The summer before she started K she rubbed off half of one of her eyebrows in her sleep. We ended up taking her to see a therapist for over a year which helped a lot. The therapist also gave me some ideas of things we could do at home to make her feel better about herself, let me think back and I'll FM you tomorrow with some of the things we did at home with her.

Do you know anyone else in the class that she can have a playdate with this week? Maybe going in having a friend will help.

I'd also talk to her about it being totally normal to be nervous, even the teachers get a little nervous each year that the kids will like them. I know it's not entirely true, but I know my DD always feels better when she feels like someone outside our family can relate to her.

Also, we got her involved in Girl Scouts which IMO really helped her self esteem and make good friends. She stated out clinging to me and crying at every meeting (I'm one of her leaders) and by May she volunteered to get up and sing in front of the whole troop by herself.

We also found sports she liked that helped her feel good about herself. In her case it's tennis and track.

Good luck.

Re: BTDT parents of very shy children

Another thought, we took her up to the school the week before school started (so this week) and she met the K teacher, we went on a tour of the school so she'd see all the specials rooms and get to ask any questions she wanted. She felt really special to get the one on one attention and it helped alleviate some of the anxiety for her.

Nervous incoming students are common and I bet if you reached out to your school they would be willing to let you come up one day this week to look around while the teachers are setting up their rooms.

BTDT parents of very shy children

Thanks for all the tips- they are very helpful! We got a letter from school saying we could come visit, so I'm going to take her this week. I wish we knew someone who was also starting k, but all her daycare friends are older or younger.

She's taking dance, which she loves, but she also gets really anxious about performing, but for now I've told her just to have fun. She loves to draw and paint, and even if she wasn't mine I'd say she was talented. Unfortunately she doesn't always believe me when I tell her she's good at it so I try not to lay it on too thick.

I'm hoping the visit to school helps. I met all the K teachers and fortunately they all seemed great. She's pretty comfortable with adults so I think they'll support her- it's just that initial moment when I have to put her on the bus that will be tough!

Thanks again! :)

Re: BTDT parents of very shy children

DS is very shy in new situations and with people he doesn't know well... even family we don't see that often. I'm not BTDT, but starting Kindergarten as well. He's been in daycare since he was 4 months and is popular and happy, but he's extremely anxious about Kindergarten. He never mentioned being worried about people not liking him, he just says he wants to stay in pre-K, won't like Kindergarten, he's not going to go, etc. I try to sound upbeat and positive when I talk about Kindergarten, but I am really worried how he'll adjust. Wish I had advice, but I wish you the best of luck!! I know how you feel.

Re: BTDT parents of very shy children

I've mentioned this before but DD's friend has SMA, which is classified as an anxiety disorder.

The mom always makes sure to be early for parties, first day of school, etc so that she can see people come in dribs & drabs versus walking into class with a group of people. It helps tremendously.

Re: BTDT parents of very shy children

I'm not sure what a CTT class is? My DS was REALLY shy in nursery and pre-k - he is now entering K and, while he is still shy he has gotten A LOT better. What I found to help was my invovlement in his school, with other mothers and his friends. I got very involved off the bat and was able to make alot of friends for "us" - once he had his core group of buddies that made a world of difference - it gave him self-esteem and confidence even when they were not around. Also, seeing me at his school often, helping out at events in the classroom made him feel proud and part of the school community. Even though he is starting a new school for K he is excited and not nervous (although I am ) he asked me if I will be involved here like I was in his other school and I told him of course, we will meet so many great friends again - and, he seemed so relieved and happy from that moment. HTH!

Message edited 8/27/2012 7:13:03 PM.