BTDT question relating to Grandparents

For those mommies out there... Do any of you have parents or IL's that are divorced and cause major family drama so they really can't be in the same room unless there are a lot of people there and then there are still issues - there was even drama at our wedding with them.

How do you all handle family events - we can't afford a large baptism and it will probably be family only and MIL can't be in the same room as FIL and SMIL unless there are a lot of people and there are still issues. So either FIL and SMIL don't come (he causes drama too so it isn't just MIL) to things or it is very tense as things happen at the event. MIL tells people that women stole my husband or walked by and elbowed SMIL out of the way - FIL and SMIL stare at MIL and make jokes and laugh - so it comes from both sides.

How do you deal with it - do you have two parties? Split what they are invited to? DH is at a loss on how to handle them and so I was hoping some of you could share your tips. Family events are very stressful as a result of this.

TIA

Re: BTDT question relating to Grandparents

OH man that is a bad situation, so sorry to hear. I would inform/warn both of them that if they can not act like adults then they are not invited and if they do act up I would ask them to leave so they didnt ruin DC's party. It is about the DC not them that day!

Re: BTDT question relating to Grandparents

Wow. My in-laws are divorced and although it was 30 yrs ago it was a messy divorce (he cheated) and they can still be in the same room together and in fact are at most birthday and Christmas dinners and are civil. They even danced together at our wedding! I think your DH needs to put his parents in their place and tell them if they can't behave and respect your home and your child's celebration then you would rather they stayed home. It's not easy to hear but it's not fair for them to act like children when they are supposed to be the parents.

Re: BTDT question relating to Grandparents

Re: BTDT question relating to Grandparents

Definitely drama here. We have a similar situation as far the history but they're not as bad as what you're describing. They hate each other and hate being together but don't act out. The worst thing they do is not show up, which is still terrible if you ask me. Or torture me about it. It's ridiculous after all these years. Get over it. I can't believe this is carrying over into grandchilren's events. Unbelievable. DH has no patience for it at all. It's my family that has all the issues.

Re: BTDT question relating to Grandparents

Christine - I feel for you, I really do. DH's parents got divorced 2 years ago and it was extremely messy. His mother throws a HUGE fit when she has to be at an event that he's at - it gave me such agita over DD"s baby naming that she was going to make a scene. I also feel, the more people, the better - the less likely they are to fight.

I also had DH talk to both his mother and father, gently, beforehand and let them know this day is about DD - not them! And to please put their anger aside.

Our baby naming worked out well - but it hurt DH because they couldn't stand up together on the beema (jewish alter) and then they both couldn't come back to our house to open gifts, so we wound up asking DH's father to come over another day - it was very hard on DH and I felt terrible for him. Sending you lots of hugs about this!!