Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Please don't quote...

This Wednesday my son (15) was in gym class and as he jumped up to reach the rim of a basketball hoop, another kid, who he doesn't really know, not friends (or enemies) with pushed a garbage can under him, causing him to fall and break his leg in a bad way.

He needed surgery and was hospitalized for two days.

The kid was suspended immediately, but we have not yet filed a police report because we have been so busy with my son in the hospital. Now that he is home, I can do it tomorrow.

My son didn't see the kid who did it, because he did it from behind my son.... My son knew two kids were behind him, but only found out who it was from other kids.

Initially I thought of course we're pressing charges. I don't know why, but I am hesitating a little (Which sounds crazy now that I'm writing it).

I'm not trying to ruin the kids life.... I know (or think) his intent was not to severely injure my son. Still it was not to be playful either. For whatever reason, he wanted to embarrass him. He was walking behind my son with other kids. My sons' friends were not around.

I doubt much of anything would happen to the kid, because of the lack of intent, and assuming its a first offense. I just don't want him thinking he can get away with sh!t like this. Maybe it will stop him from being an asshole to someone else.

My son is a shy, honestly good kid, who has a small group of friends, but gets along with everyone. He's never been in trouble.

Message edited 5/4/2013 1:18:38 AM.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

I am really surprised that the police were not called immediately to take a report at the school. At 15/16 he should know better. How did he even get a garbage can there without being stopped? I would file the police report. I hope your son feels better and is able to make a full recovery and walk again without issue.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Your poor son My heart just broke reading this.

Im not sure what I would do in this situation. Does your son know this kid? Does he do things like this to purposely hurt people? Does he not "care" about other people? Or was it just a stupid teenage decision? I think I would go based on stuff like that. Also, how did he get the garbage can? Was it just right there and it was a spur of the moment decision, or was it premeditated?

I hope your son is feeling better. Whatever decision you make, is what is best for you and your family.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

I am so sorry this happened to your son. What a nightmare!

If he were my child, there are a few things that I would take into consideration before deciding how to proceed.

The most important thing to me is whether or not this was a first time incident. If this is the first time this other child has had a malicious interaction with your son, I wouldn't involve the police. I would make sure the school served him with the strictest punishment they could (I'm thinking suspension and/or banning from year end activities such as prom or graduation if these apply.) kids can be total jacka$$es at that age and should be appropriately punished, but I think involving the police at that point wouldn't be necessary. If it were my kid making a really, REALLY bad one time choice I'd appreciate not having a police report filed against him. (And I personally would make him wish he were in jail lol)

If this is an ongoing situation ( a true case of bullying in which your son has been repeatedly targeted by the other child) I would pressure the school to do all I mentioned above AND absolutely would file a police report. This would not be a kid who made a bad choice. This would be a kid who needed a good hard a$$ beating and dose of his own medicine.

Again, I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Posted by PatsBrat

I am so sorry this happened to your son. What a nightmare!

If he were my child, there are a few things that I would take into consideration before deciding how to proceed.

The most important thing to me is whether or not this was a first time incident. If this is the first time this other child has had a malicious interaction with your son, I wouldn't involve the police. I would make sure the school served him with the strictest punishment they could (I'm thinking suspension and/or banning from year end activities such as prom or graduation if these apply.) kids can be total jacka$$es at that age and should be appropriately punished, but I think involving the police at that point wouldn't be necessary. If it were my kid making a really, REALLY bad one time choice I'd appreciate not having a police report filed against him. (And I personally would make him wish he were in jail lol)

If this is an ongoing situation ( a true case of bullying in which your son has been repeatedly targeted by the other child) I would pressure the school to do all I mentioned above AND absolutely would file a police report. This would not be a kid who made a bad choice. This would be a kid who needed a good hard a$$ beating and dose of his own medicine.

Again, I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Horrible. Kids do such stupid things. I would find out about the kids reputation and how apologetic he was to determine how far I would go. I think the school did the right thing with suspension. I would also bill the parents for any medical expenses. Was there even an apology? If I was the parent of the child I would be mortified my son could do something that stupid.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Posted by WhatNow

Posted by PatsBrat

I am so sorry this happened to your son. What a nightmare!

If he were my child, there are a few things that I would take into consideration before deciding how to proceed.

The most important thing to me is whether or not this was a first time incident. If this is the first time this other child has had a malicious interaction with your son, I wouldn't involve the police. I would make sure the school served him with the strictest punishment they could (I'm thinking suspension and/or banning from year end activities such as prom or graduation if these apply.) kids can be total jacka$$es at that age and should be appropriately punished, but I think involving the police at that point wouldn't be necessary. If it were my kid making a really, REALLY bad one time choice I'd appreciate not having a police report filed against him. (And I personally would make him wish he were in jail lol)

If this is an ongoing situation ( a true case of bullying in which your son has been repeatedly targeted by the other child) I would pressure the school to do all I mentioned above AND absolutely would file a police report. This would not be a kid who made a bad choice. This would be a kid who needed a good hard a$$ beating and dose of his own medicine.

Again, I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this.

I think this is very sound advice and exactly the course of action I would take. If it really was a one time stupid mistake on behalf of the boy who did this to your son, I would certainly not involve the police but let the school inflict a most severe punishment on him. (And I bet you his parents will NOT go lightly on him either— as PatsBrat mentioned, I would certainly also make sure my son WISHED he was in jail if something like that went on)

And of course, it's a whole other store if this is a case of repeated torment towards your child by this boy.

I hope your son heals quickly!

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

so sad, I feel so badly your son. Have you contacted the kids parents? They should pay all medical bills. That kid I'm sure never imagined he would hurt your son that way, but there needs to be consequences

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Thanks for your responses. I spoke to our local police and they said normally, especially if the kid was suspended, they are automatically called to the scene. They were not, however. The school must have just called an ambulance not 911.

My son said that this kid is known to be sort of a "clown", but he doesn't know much about him.

At the beginning of the semester this kid and his friend (who was also somehow involved) made a nickname for my son. He shrugged it off and just ignored them.

I'm a little surprised, but neither the kid, nor his parents have reached out to apologize or even check to see how my son is doing.

I understand that for legal reasons his parents may tell him not to contact my son, after all, my son didn't actually see him do it, and an apology can be an admission.

But if the tables were turned, I as a parent, would definitely reach out and check on the kid, or even apologize if he had any involvement.

My reasons for reporting it are mainly to get it on record that way if he does anything else stupid to anyone in the future it is not treated as a first offense.

Thanks again for reading my post and for all of your kind words and advice!

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

I hope your son is doing better! I hope you are okay. I am sure this was a very scary event.

As a school administrator, I am baffled by the way the school has handled the entire situation. What that child did was premeditated and cruel. In the NYC DOE, action like that would call for 90+ (up to an entire school year) suspension. I would file a complaint with the Sup for your district against the school administration and the teacher. I would also file a report with the Police Department. As a teacher, it is YOUR responsibility to know what is going on in your classroom (I am still a teacher).

Actions like this make me so very angry!!! So, this kid thinks that was really funny, but what if the prank is bigger next time and hurts more people?

The end of your son's school year is ruined because of the idiotic actions of the class clown!

I feel like I need to go to this kid's house!

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

I am sorry that your son is hurt and I hope he heals without incident. I would want to know how that kid got a garbage can without the teacher seeing it. I would also rip the school a new one for failure to supervise

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

I'm floored the parents didn't call you.

It could be that their attorney has advised them not to but at minimum, they should be offering to pay all medical bills.

The school should also be falling over themselves to pay medical bills too. I agree that they did fail to supervise the kids but at 15, I imagine they have so leeway (my kids aren't in HS so I'm not sure how it works now).

I wouldn't file charges unless it was necessary in order to protect my family's financial interest. I would want to make sure all medical (& future medical resulting from the injury) was covered.

It's already Monday. They should have called you. I would ask the school to set up a meeting between parents.

Also I'm sorry this is happening to your son. I know how powerless we are sometimes as parents to prevent our kids from getting hurt whether it's physical or emotional.

Message edited 5/6/2013 10:27:33 AM.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Thanks again, but the more I think about it, the less bad I feel about pressing charges...

No, the parents still have not reached out to us... They have no idea the extent of his injuries.

We don't even know how it's going to affect him in the future. There are growth plates involved. I pray that the growth of the leg is ok. He was transferred from the local hospital to a pediatric hospital for this reason.

My son is in severe pain and in a full leg cast for the next six weeks. He may not be going back to school before the end.

He would qualify for home instruction, but he wants to go back to school.

He is having anxiety about everything on top of thinking about finals and AP exams, which he is now missing reviews for....

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

The growth plates can definitely post a challenge for the future. I had a family member's daughter injure them in her forearm & wrist. Speak to an attorney asap. It actually may be better that they didn't call you. At this point, I wouldn't share his medical information with the parents or the school other than he's medically cleared to be back.

Don't feel bad about this. I agree at 15, while he couldn't have anticipated the extent of the injuries, he should know better.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

That kid should be suspended for the remainder of the school year, I would definetely make sure of that especially if you do not press chargers. So sorry you have to deal with this.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Posted by PatsBrat

I am so sorry this happened to your son. What a nightmare!

If he were my child, there are a few things that I would take into consideration before deciding how to proceed.

The most important thing to me is whether or not this was a first time incident. If this is the first time this other child has had a malicious interaction with your son, I wouldn't involve the police. I would make sure the school served him with the strictest punishment they could (I'm thinking suspension and/or banning from year end activities such as prom or graduation if these apply.) kids can be total jacka$$es at that age and should be appropriately punished, but I think involving the police at that point wouldn't be necessary. If it were my kid making a really, REALLY bad one time choice I'd appreciate not having a police report filed against him. (And I personally would make him wish he were in jail lol)

If this is an ongoing situation ( a true case of bullying in which your son has been repeatedly targeted by the other child) I would pressure the school to do all I mentioned above AND absolutely would file a police report. This would not be a kid who made a bad choice. This would be a kid who needed a good hard a$$ beating and dose of his own medicine.

Again, I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

I guess I am in the minority because I absolutely would press charges. In my mind, there was intent. You don't put a garbage can underneath another kid and think he won't get hurt. The other kid might not have anticipated that your son would get hurt as badly as he did, but obviously he would have gotten hurt in some way.

I don't think you would be ruining this kid's life. On the contrary, maybe it would be a wake up call for him. I would ask police if it's possible to drop charges later if the kid/family accepts responsibility both by apologizing and accepting any financial responsibility for your son's injuries. I think if this kid has no other consequences than a suspension, he won't take it seriously. Doing this IN class, during the school day means this kid needs a harsher dose of reality than what the school is giving.

Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

He could be charged with reckless endangerment and due to your son's injuries, they might not be too lenient on him. I think you absolutely did the right thing by getting the police involved. By that age, they should know that their actions have consequences.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

I would certainly make sure it's on record in case he tries something again later on....I don't know if there's a way to do that without pressing charges....

I'm shocked that the parents/kid haven't contacted you yet!! When I was in high school, some kid threw a hammer in the hallway and it hit my friend in the head...she had to get stitches but was fine. He stopped by her house that day after school to apologize, in addition to the suspension he received.

The fact that the family hasn't been in touch would probably make me feel less badly about pressing charges!

I hope your son heals quickly and fully!!

Message edited 5/8/2013 9:59:23 PM.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

is it possible to arrange a meeting with the parents through the school to let them know your intent and see how they respond? I would want the parents to know that pressing charges has definitely crossed my mind but that my intentions were not to ruin the kids life. I'd want to see how they react and if they are snooty with no resolutions to offer I would go forward with pressing charges. If they seem willing to work on a solution so that the bullying NEVER happens again then I'd consider the possibility of not pressing charges. They need to know how serious this is and that you need to know your child is safe...even if it means pressing charges against their child.

Re: Bullying. So Upset and Torn on what to do...

Posted by Onemoretime

Posted by Danamz

Thanks again, but the more I think about it, the less bad I feel about pressing charges...

No, the parents still have not reached out to us... They have no idea the extent of his injuries.

We don't even know how it's going to affect him in the future. There are growth plates involved. I pray that the growth of the leg is ok. He was transferred from the local hospital to a pediatric hospital for this reason.

My son is in severe pain and in a full leg cast for the next six weeks. He may not be going back to school before the end.

He would qualify for home instruction, but he wants to go back to school.

He is having anxiety about everything on top of thinking about finals and AP exams, which he is now missing reviews for....

You need to speak w an attorney at this point. What if ( as unlikely as it is) he has long term damage? You have to protect your son just in case. sorry you have to go through this