Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I'm at a loss....I'm pretty much a SAHM now and DH takes the good truck w/ the carseat unless I need it or want it to go somewhere. I feel it's better to not go out so I don't spend money and it has been saving a ton of money on gas. I'll run out when he is home in the AM or on a day off for groceries or alone time.

I wake up when Alyson wakes up....around 8am. I shower when she goes down for her nap. I try to eat when she eats, but between preparing the meal, cutting up fresh fruit, and making sure she is not throwing it on the floor or kicking the tray off.....you get the point.

By the time she SHOULD be taking her 2nd nap, I'm ready for one. I SHOULD be taking one myself, but I'm normally running around like a chicken without it's head trying to simply maintain this house.....laundry, picking up after the dogs and her toys, cooking, dishwasher (at least once a day!). That's it.....we're LUCKY if I get to clean a bathroom.

So if I don't take a nap, by the time she's awake again I'm nodding off during The Upside Down Show.

Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong?
I just don't get how some SAHM do it. I feel like I'm losing my mind and my patience with the routine (not with DD....the kid is an ANGEL).

Now I'm at the the point where I feel like I should be waking up at 6:30/7am just to PREP for the day....shower, coffee, my own breakfast.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

Shana - I could have written this myself

I would love to hear other mothers advice as well.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I know the feeling you are talking about. Even though I work I have a lot of days off and summers.

I fill like I load and unload the dischwasher all day long and on days when I am home I must run it like twice a day. Never ending routine. I try to avoid going shopping and spending money also.

Is there anywhere you could walk to? You need to let the routine go somedays and just get out. Just walk somewhere so you could people watch.

Honestly on days when we stay home the house is more of a mess!

You must be exhausted being pregnant and running after her.

Sometimes I tell myself I am not going to clean at all and just play with him in his room.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I wish I could walk somewhere....we live in the middle of the stix (which we like honestly).

Part of it is that I don't WANT to take her out because of her GREAT routine. She absolutely will not sleep ANYWHERE else but her crib. It's gotten to the point where she will not even fall asleep in the car unless she is absolutely exhausted (case in point: the day we went to the airport and drs ofc--woke at 8, figured she'd eat, take her bottle, fall asleep in the car on the way there....NOPE. Didn't pass out in the car till the ride to the drs ofc around 1:30pm and then we had to wake her to go in).

She won't sleep in her stroller. She hardly sleeps in the car, and god forbid we go to someones' house.....nope. Only at my friends house when she spends the day there for me to go to work......

So, I'm stranded. I can take her out for quick errands....but walking around the mall becomes a nightmare between the 40 min drive there, her not resting while walking around, and THEN the drive back.....So we go out as a family so I can entertain her in the car when she begins to fuss and throw EVERY toy

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I say take a nap!!

You are pregnant so you need to have your rest

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I am also a firm believer that on some days, if you are tired or too busy or something else, that you can let a lot of the housework just go....it's OK if it doesn't get done once in a while. And if Rich disagrees I'll come and beat him up!

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I work full time but know how you feel.

With dd's sleeping issues I am ALWAYS tired. I get nothing done around here either.

When she is up I want to play with her and when she is sleeping, I need to sleep too.

Let some of the other stuff go, you have to to keep your sanity.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I wish I had a reply but lately i'm feeling like i'm losing my sanity as well! Especially after the nights I work 12 hrs (8pm-8am) then come home and do everything on NO sleep the night before

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I think you need to go out. Staying home also makes me feel very very sleepy! Can you call a local church or La Leche and ask about some babygroups? You know I feel that babygroups/playgroups saved my life! In my area, I could find at least 2 a day to go to! once I started going to them, I made loads of friends and we always had something to do because we had each other!

Get out of the house! Get into the sunshine!

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

OK here goes:
First-While I understand your goal of not wanting to spend money I don't know if staying home day after day with a baby 24/7 is good for anyone's sanity, especially not a pregnant woman's.
Are there things you could look into doing that are free with DD one or two days a week just to get out and break up the day? Story time at the library? A walking club somewhere? A church playgroup? Something? I know DD's mood is better when our week is broken up doing different activities.

I don't nap when she does anymore but I don't typically do chores then either. I try to do some chores every day while she's awake and playing. She is pretty good at independent play or she just follows me around and "helps". Can you give her toys in the kitchen while you empty the dishwasher, wipe the counters, clean the fridge, etc.
I give her a feather duster and she helps me that way when I'm dusting and she thinks it's great. She either plays or follows me when I vaccuum.
I don't cook a ton and try to use the crockpot a lot because it just saves time and usually anything made in a crock pot makes enough for leftovers.
I think the big thing is to get out of the house some days to change it up and to just let Aly play while you do things or teach her how to help. I think it's important for kids the learn that life isn't all fun (although it would be nice) and it's never too soon to teach her to pick up her own toys. We have started this with DD as well.

Message edited 2/3/2007 2:52:15 PM.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I am not a sahm so I give you a lot of credit but for me to get ready for work I do have to get up before her and that is around 6. If Alyson is sleeping till 8 that's great - you get up at 7 and shower and eat and then you can be prepared for her.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I agree with the other ladies, try to get out and get some air, even if it's playing in the park...doesn't she nap just once/day now? That would mean you have the whole day besides the 2-3 hours she naps.
Does she play well by herself? I usually empty the dishwasher, try to get dinner prepped, whatever while she is playing for 15 min by herself.
I also throw the laundry in too which takes 2 seconds...I usually fold after she goes to sleep.
I work from home so I also do work in between...but I am not PG, if I was, I would try to take a little nap when she naps.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

Message edited 2/3/2007 2:45:14 PM.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I am not a SAHM but when I am home (WEEKENDS, HOLIDAYS,NIGHTS) and this is pretty much what my days are like as well. I thought that it was just me and I feel guilty because I feel like I too am doing the wrong things. Maybe when the weather is nicer try and get out for walks just around the corner.That's what I might try to do. I don't have any friends in the area so I'm pretty much solo.

I comend you ladiers or doing it everyday. It must be very hard. I actually feel like going to work is my time because I get adult stimulation.

It's hard when you don't have money too. Keep up the good work - you're great.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I think you need to get out during the week. Can you go grocery shopping with your DD inbetween naps? Even just to go to the grocery store or to run errands to get out of the house I think will make you feel better. Then when your DH is home instead of having to do errands like that, he can watch your daughter and you can rest, or do something relaxing.

I also agree about looking for things at your library, or other free alternatives to get out. Are there any mom groups near you? Maybe a church group? A little interaction with other mothers could do wonders.

Good luck and I hope you feel better!!

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I agree you need to get out of the house for your own sanity. Sometimes staring at the walls can drive you crazy after a while. Who cares if your bathroom is not clean, take a nap. Do what you need to do to make you happy and healthy.

I fm'd you too.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I am a SAHM and I feel for you, especially being pregnant!!!

Life is so much easier for you & baby if you have a routine, esp before baby # 2 comes!
This is what I TRY to do each day so I dont feel overwhelmed:

Try to wake up 15 min-1/2 hr before baby, I know it s*x ...but if you are showered & maybe even dressed you will already have accomplished a lot!

Eat bkfst same time as baby, or at least a cup of coffee.
I put both my sons in their high chair, in front of the TV w/cheerios & I have a good 45 mins to try to straighten up.

I could spend my life cleaning and still feel like I need to do more, so I dont go crazy-
I actually wrote a list mon-sun of 2-3 chores to do each day....
I feel like Ive accomplished sooo much after Ive completed them!

By this time baby takes a nap, and you can reward yourself by napping yourself w/o the guilt!

Then aft you've re-energized yourself, try to get up a little before baby to prepare lunch& maybe even dinner(if you make extra in the beginning of week, you will have enough for the week!)
Aft lunch I try to get out w/the kids
(depending on the weather, the park, the mall-visit a friends house) Ill bring their PJs if Im out,& we'll either grab dinner out or Ill come home,feed them-bathe them-then off to bed.

At night I will straighten up the mess they make, fold laundry-catch up on anythng else...

dont stress yourself by trying to do too much!!! take care of yourself & the baby youre growing inside, and try to just enjoy your daughter while it's just you& her!!!!

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

I know how you feel, and I think you really need to get out of the house. I used to think the same way...don't want to go out since I'll just wind up at Target spending unnecessary $$. But even if it is just for an hour. We got to Barnes and Nobles a lot. I grab a a magazine and we head to the kids department. Jack will play with the train table there forever. I sit and read my magazine and put it back on the way out! Are there any moms in your neigborhood? Go ring there doorbell if they seem nice and have kids Ally's age. It can't hurt to make a new friend for yourself and someone in the negborhood for Ally to play with...think down the road...it will be a nice break for you if there is a neighbor's house she can play at for a few hours when the baby comes.

Also, check into moms groups. I live in Ohio, didn't know anybody..was at my wits end. I found some groups on the MSN Groups board and starting attending functions. It took a wihle, but I finally found a great group of fun moms who don't care if your breast or bottlefeed, if you push a Bugaboo or an umbrella stroller from Walmart..etc. Now I call these ladies my friends and we go out, the kids play and it is a great sanity break for me.

But, you need to get out. Yes you might save a couple of dollars on gas by not going anywhere, but it is not good for you mentally.

Also, as far as chores, I prep what I am going to cook for dinner in the morning and just heat it up becasue by the end of the day, I'm tired, cranky and the last thing on my mind is cooking dinner.

I also have alist of two or three things a day to do around the house...do them early then the rest of the day is free.

Re: Can you ladies lend some help/support? (sort of vent...)

This is by far the most difficult job I have ever had. I have to get in a groove..

I know what you mean about money being spent...every morning I wake up to see if its going to be over 40 degrees out that day..if it is my #1 priority is planning our walk for the day. I come home with a GAP bag in my hand almost everytime.

When I was younger, I was a nanny...they lived in the sticks(FL) I would drive to a neighborhood, park, and put the kids in the stroller. Even if you just wheel up and down your street, the air is good for you and her.

My baby is attached at the hip, he needs to be held all the time. So...I haven't cooked in forever. As far as bathroom, one day I clean the toliet..the next the sink..another day the shower..I just don't have time to do it all in one day. I usually do one section right before I jump in the shower.