Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

I love DS to death but motherhood is so much harder than I thought it would be.

I'm not really depressed, just down.

DS isn't a bad or difficult baby by any means, I just feel like I'm not a "natural mom". It's been 7 weeks and I feel like whenever he's awake, he's fussy. Not all out wailing all the time, just crying and whimpering. He does not nap much at all during the day so I'm constantly soothing him, and when he does nap, I'm tiptoeing around the house so I don't wake him.

I'm selfish. I feel like I've lost myself. I walk around in sweats all day, am happy if I can even get a shower in. I've got this pregnancy pouch of a belly and my dr. does not want me exercising for another month due to my c-section (not that I could figure out time to do it anyway).

I feel trapped. I want to be able to do at least some of the things I use to. I feel horrible about myself, fat, unkempt. I just want to be able to go and get a mani/pedi like I use to, have lunch/dinner with my friends, or even take a walk wiithout it having to be so planned and perfectly timed with whether DS has eaten, napped or is in a good mood.

With these 2 excruciating hot days I haven't even gone out once bc I'm afraid it is too hot for DS.

He's only really smiled at me a handful of times. I don't get those big smiles I see in everyone else's pics. The smile that melts your heart. The coos that make it worthwile. It's only happened a couple of times.

I know things will get better and I'm going to ask DH to watch the baby for a few hours next weekend so I can have some alone time.

I just never knew motherhood would be this lonely or difficult.

Sorry so long. Thanks for reading.

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

I know how you feel. Try to get out by yourself today, even if it's just to run and get a cup of coffee or a drive in the car.

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

I found that even a trip to Target to buy diapers (and get myself Starbucks!) at 9pm (when the baby was settled and my husband was home) made me feel like a new person!

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

I think we have all been there at one time. It will pass. It's a hard stage for the both of you, but it will get better and you will feel back to your old self in no time!!

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

so many to you! i truly could have written this myself when DD was a newborn. i had the baby blues and i had them BAD. every single thing you wrote-i felt as well- and to make it worse DD was colicky w/ reflux and had a miserable witching hour from 7-9pm. i thought some days i would die of misery....and i felt so guilty b/c i knew how lucky i was for all i had.
it is hard to believe it but this time will pass...it will get so much easier and natural in the coming months, i promise you. you need to be easier on yourself. motherhood doesn't come easy-it's A LOT of work and sacrifice and you don't know it til your in it. try to get out if you can no matter what-do you have family or your DH who can watch DS so you can just get out for a mani/pedi? just an hour can do so much. try and make yourself a priority even if it's just an hour a day.
in a few months your DS won't be so needy and you will know him so much better. my DD is almost a year and i cannot believe the difference in her and me....things are amazing now and she is so much fun. still a lot of work but so much fun!
if you find yourself still in a funk and very down, definitely talk to your DR. i talked to mine and it helped a lot. i never had to take medication but i was willing if need be. there is a lot they can do with PPD if that is what it is.
take care and hang in there! you're doing great and this will get easier!!! always vent here when you need to!

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

Posted by ME75

so many to you! i truly could have written this myself when DD was a newborn. i had the baby blues and i had them BAD. every single thing you wrote-i felt as well- and to make it worse DD was colicky w/ reflux and had a miserable witching hour from 7-9pm. i thought some days i would die of misery....and i felt so guilty b/c i knew how lucky i was for all i had.
it is hard to believe it but this time will pass...it will get so much easier and natural in the coming months, i promise you. you need to be easier on yourself. motherhood doesn't come easy-it's A LOT of work and sacrifice and you don't know it til your in it. try to get out if you can no matter what-do you have family or your DH who can watch DS so you can just get out for a mani/pedi? just an hour can do so much. try and make yourself a priority even if it's just an hour a day.
in a few months your DS won't be so needy and you will know him so much better. my DD is almost a year and i cannot believe the difference in her and me....things are amazing now and she is so much fun. still a lot of work but so much fun!
if you find yourself still in a funk and very down, definitely talk to your DR. i talked to mine and it helped a lot. i never had to take medication but i was willing if need be. there is a lot they can do with PPD if that is what it is.
take care and hang in there! you're doing great and this will get easier!!! always vent here when you need to!

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

If it helps, I don't think we had those big smiles at 7 weeks either, but now, at 6 months we have guy smiley on our hands.

It's rough in the beginning. We rent and once the doc cleared me to do lifting again, I started going out for a few hours on Sat. mornings to do the laundry. Even though it is still a chore, you would be amazed how refreshing it is to just get out of the house without the baby for a few hours. I get coffee on the way, bring a book and sometimes buy myself lunch before I get home. I have to leave everything ready for DH, so it's easier for him, but I don't mind because it is a huge break for me to get out.

It will also become easier for you to take the baby out with you as he gets older. I don't really have any family close by to help out and we have no grandparents at all to come watch DS for a few hours, so I always take DS with me if I have to go out and run errands. You find your groove, don't worry.

And there was no way I was taking the baby out today - it's too damn hot for ME to be outside, never mind him.

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

When DD was born I had a really BAD case of baby blues as well! I cried non stop for at least a month, and than on and off until she was about 3 months old. She was colicky, and cried non stop from 5 pm to 10pm. NON Stop. Lack of sleep, being alone (my family is far away) really amplified it.
I remember feeling hopeless, helpless, and like no one understood me. Motherhood did not come naturally to me either, and to be honest, I don't many ppl to whom it did. I used to cry that my life was over, and it was as I knew it, and I sourt of morned that While others coo when they see under 3 months old babies, I HONESTLY do not miss those times!!! I sat on the couch when my DH left for work crying, and when he came back I was still on that same couch
in that same spot. I was really miserable, and for some reason it was worse as darness came. Even my DH said he was prepared for the worse when it came to baby, but was not ready for my 'baby blues'. I used to call him 10 times a day, and this is from a person that usually NEVER called during the day!!

But... having said that, it does get SO MUCH EASIER. ppl said that to me, but it didn't help, so I don't know if it helps you. But the 'funk' lifted, slowly but it did. I got better as colic went away, as I was able to get more sleep, and hormones stabilized. It gets better when baby interacts more, after 3 months, and you do get the coos, and smiles and moments that melt your heart - but again, a little after.

DD is 6 months old, and it really is TOTALLY different now. She coos, she smiles all the time (and this is from a colicky baby that cried nonstop for hours). She plays with her toys, lights up when she sees me, and it is just an underscribable feeling. And I think a combination of that, with more sleep that really makes it easier!

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

I know how you feel---life totally changes the second you become a mother. You are not selfish, I think what you are feeling is normal! A lot of what you said I think most of us have felt, I know I felt the same way, like what happened to my body and will I ever just be able to pick up and go somewhere. But you are right, it does get easier----and you are going to get so many smiles!! My DS was colicky and always crying in the beginning.....my DH had been away on business and I was having a rough time and I remember he gave me the first huge smile and I was crying I was so happy! Its all right to have some alone time, I think its good for you and for the baby. We are all here for you!

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

omg I think I wrote your exact post when DD was about the same age. I think it helps to know that a lot of us go through the exact same thing. things that helped me were having someone come to watch DD....I still have her come...she only has a few hours on Mondays to give me, but it allows me to go out and get my nails done, or just go shopping by myself.

also....join some moms groups. I met 2 really great friends through them....we still meet up for big playgroups, and I meet the moms that I am close with for lunch at least once a week WITH our babies. we go through it together.

I did not enjoy the newborn stage AT ALL. I often say that I wish we could start with the babies when they are 6 months old, because I just didn't enjoy my DD much until that point. When your DC develops a personality it gets SO much better and so much more rewarding. With time, you will feel better, I promise!!!

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

You poor thing- its totally normal to feel this way . I swear- the day my parents left to go back to NY (I live in MD) I cried along with my DD. I felt so helpless.

Motherhood is HARD in the beginning. Think about it- you are BOTH learning how to interact with each other. In the beginning, babies are SO unpredictable with their schedules and it can be frustrating AND defeating to your confidance. You are doing a GREAT job!!

TRY to get out at least for a little while. I swear, I LIVED at the local Babies R Us. BRU was a "safe zone" for me those first few months. I could browse around and didn't have to worry about DD fussing because if she did- we went to the Mother's Room to nurse/change.

You MUST go and get yourself a mani/pedi. I did that when DD was 8 weeks old and I swear I felt like a new woman. It was so nice to get AWAY from DD and just read a magazine.

I make a promise to you now- it DOES get better. I SWEAR it does-its just going to take time. One day you are going to realize, "Hey- I know what I'm doing! I can handle this!"

We are ALL here to talk to whenever you need it!

Re: Case of the baby blues - sorry - long vent

Posted by ME75

so many to you! i truly could have written this myself when DD was a newborn. i had the baby blues and i had them BAD. every single thing you wrote-i felt i thought some days i would die of misery....and i felt so guilty b/c i knew how lucky i was for all i had.
it is hard to believe it but this time will pass...it will get so much easier and natural in the coming months, i promise you. you need to be easier on yourself. motherhood doesn't come easy-it's A LOT of work and sacrifice and you don't know it til your in it. try to get out if you can no matter what-do you have family or your DH who can watch DS so you can just get out for a mani/pedi? just an hour can do so much. try and make yourself a priority even if it's just an hour a day.
in a few months your DS won't be so needy and you will know him so much better. my DD is almost a year and i cannot believe the difference in her and me....things are amazing now and she is so much fun. still a lot of work but so much fun!
if you find yourself still in a funk and very down, definitely talk to your DR. i talked to mine and it helped a lot. i never had to take medication but i was willing if need be. there is a lot they can do with PPD if that is what it is.
take care and hang in there! you're doing great and this will get easier!!! always vent here when you need to!