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Cliques at work?
Anyone go through this? I am talking about grown women in their 30's having to do everything together - order food, go to the bathroom, smoke a cigarette, etc.
I like to think I'm a friendly person, and got along with everyone, but all of a sudden this clique formed, and they treat me like I'm invisible. I wish I could say that something happened to cause this, but really, it's weird - one day this little clique just started....
I wouldn't mind, but I share an office with one of these clique-mates - and they will order food without telling me - EVER - even when I asked to let me know if they order food on the days I forget my lunch (vegetable rolls are 3 bucks!  )
Plus, they come in and have these loud converstaions and talk about going out after work, etc - I just think it's so rude. Even if I was a part of this, I would never do this in front of someone who wasn't - I would feel too badly for them.
These women are in their mid to late 30's - but I feel like they are high schoolers. At the last office I worked in, there were so few of us, but we were all so close and did so much together. I have been here a year now and just feel like on the outside of everything. I do a lot of field work, but when I'm here I would like to feel a sense of teamwork and camraderie, and instead I feel so much isolation and like I'm some pariah... Anyone else go through this?
Please don't quote because I'm whiny, PMS-y, and wanted to vent... and will realize how stupid and juvenile this is and will take it down
Message edited 4/6/2009 6:21:52 PM.
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Posted 4/6/09 6:19 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: Cliques at work?
I go thru this every work day! It's not women though it's the guys! I work basically with all guys! They have no clue and I feel left out when they don't think to include me in ANYTHING! 
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:26 PM |
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Re: Cliques at work?
That's incredibly rude and insensitive and unfortunately, I have been there. If you didn't make the effort, make yourself available, or if you were new, that would be a different story. But neither of those circumstances exist. Can you say something....maybe drop a hint? That is...if you want to be friendly with them. 
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:27 PM |
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Re: Cliques at work?
Posted by Phyl
I go thru this every work day! It's not women though it's the guys! I work basically with all guys! They have no clue and I feel left out when they don't think to include me in ANYTHING!
The truth is, I have no money to order take out every day like they do, and I can't go out anyway because I have a husband and a child (they don't have either) but still - it's like they all of a sudden they liked this one woman more than me and got all HS about it. If I don't like someone, I still treat them nicely. And it takes a lot for me not to like someone anyway.
Message edited 4/6/2009 6:39:15 PM.
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:28 PM |
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My4GirlsMyLife
My 4 girlies
Member since 2/08 9702 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: Cliques at work?
It is definately like that at my job !! Sometimes I get the pitty invite  !
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:30 PM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Cliques at work?
I don't have that at this job, but I did at the last - and I'm SO glad not to have to deal with it anymore!
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:35 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: Cliques at work?
I know what you mean. Many times, it is a common 'enemy' that brings them together. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a b*tchfest when they got together.
There are definitely little groups where I work. Sometimes I feel like it's Survivor with alliances with certain people.
However, I like my 'group' and will admit that I'm not above a b*tchfest myself now and again. 
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:38 PM |
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Re: Cliques at work?
Like, get this - my office mate quit smoking, so as a joke - I asked "Oh no, what will Tanya do now (name changed)?" Because they ALWAYS have to go out for a smoke together. She said - "Oh, she quit too."
Then a week later, my officemate started smoking again. So did Tanya. I'm saying it's THAT bad!!!!
I have never experienced anything like this EVER - not even in middle school or HS - I always avoided cliques, but I was friends with everyone so was never on the outside....
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:38 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: Cliques at work?
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Like, get this - my office mate quit smoking, so as a joke - I asked "Oh no, what will Tanya do now (name changed)?" Because they ALWAYS have to go out for a smoke together. She said - "Oh, she quit too."
Then a week later, my officemate started smoking again. So did Tanya. I'm saying it's THAT bad!!!!
I have never experienced anything like this EVER - not even in middle school or HS - I always avoided cliques, but I was friends with everyone so was never on the outside....
The above senario reminds me of a Friends episode where Rachel was left out of opportunities because she wasn't outside at the smoke break!
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:44 PM |
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Re: Cliques at work?
Posted by Phyl
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Like, get this - my office mate quit smoking, so as a joke - I asked "Oh no, what will Tanya do now (name changed)?" Because they ALWAYS have to go out for a smoke together. She said - "Oh, she quit too."
Then a week later, my officemate started smoking again. So did Tanya. I'm saying it's THAT bad!!!!
I have never experienced anything like this EVER - not even in middle school or HS - I always avoided cliques, but I was friends with everyone so was never on the outside....
The above senario reminds me of a Friends episode where Rachel was left out of opportunities because she wasn't outside at the smoke break!
I tell that to DH all the time - only, trust me - I'm not missing any opportunities with this clique. No hefty business decisions going on there.
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:45 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: Cliques at work?
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by Phyl
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Like, get this - my office mate quit smoking, so as a joke - I asked "Oh no, what will Tanya do now (name changed)?" Because they ALWAYS have to go out for a smoke together. She said - "Oh, she quit too."
Then a week later, my officemate started smoking again. So did Tanya. I'm saying it's THAT bad!!!!
I have never experienced anything like this EVER - not even in middle school or HS - I always avoided cliques, but I was friends with everyone so was never on the outside....
The above senario reminds me of a Friends episode where Rachel was left out of opportunities because she wasn't outside at the smoke break!
I tell that to DH all the time - only, trust me - I'm not missing any opportunities with this clique. No hefty business decisions going on there.
Hang in there Liza. They don't know what they are missing! 
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:48 PM |
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Re: Cliques at work?
Posted by Phyl
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by Phyl
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Like, get this - my office mate quit smoking, so as a joke - I asked "Oh no, what will Tanya do now (name changed)?" Because they ALWAYS have to go out for a smoke together. She said - "Oh, she quit too."
Then a week later, my officemate started smoking again. So did Tanya. I'm saying it's THAT bad!!!!
I have never experienced anything like this EVER - not even in middle school or HS - I always avoided cliques, but I was friends with everyone so was never on the outside....
The above senario reminds me of a Friends episode where Rachel was left out of opportunities because she wasn't outside at the smoke break!
I tell that to DH all the time - only, trust me - I'm not missing any opportunities with this clique. No hefty business decisions going on there.
Hang in there Liza. They don't know what they are missing!
I just wish there was more togetherness because there so many great projects I would love to see happen here. It's like they hate my ambition or something. 
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| Posted 4/6/09 6:57 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: Cliques at work?
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by Phyl
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by Phyl
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Like, get this - my office mate quit smoking, so as a joke - I asked "Oh no, what will Tanya do now (name changed)?" Because they ALWAYS have to go out for a smoke together. She said - "Oh, she quit too."
Then a week later, my officemate started smoking again. So did Tanya. I'm saying it's THAT bad!!!!
I have never experienced anything like this EVER - not even in middle school or HS - I always avoided cliques, but I was friends with everyone so was never on the outside....
The above senario reminds me of a Friends episode where Rachel was left out of opportunities because she wasn't outside at the smoke break!
I tell that to DH all the time - only, trust me - I'm not missing any opportunities with this clique. No hefty business decisions going on there.
Hang in there Liza. They don't know what they are missing!
I just wish there was more togetherness because there so many great projects I would love to see happen here. It's like they hate my ambition or something.
People suck sometimes.
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| Posted 4/6/09 7:03 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cliques at work?
Not that I am excusing their behavior but the ONLY thing I can think of is that YOU dont smoke YOU at vegetarian, correct? Maybe they feel like you wouldnt want to do what they are doing...KWIM... It doesnt make it right but I am thinking maybe they dont think you want in with them bc you have a different lifestyle. Women are Women...LOL
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| Posted 4/6/09 7:04 PM |
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happytobreathe
The Lazy Days of Summer
Member since 10/06 1413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cliques at work?
I also think cliques are so rude on occasion. I am inside the clique but I branch out and those on the inside think I am crazy. I wonder why I was ever in it!
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| Posted 4/6/09 7:24 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Cliques at work?
I completely understand where you're coming from, I live it EVERYDAY at my office and is sucks.
Like you, I can't afford to go out at lunch to go shopping and I'm trying to diet so I don't indulge in the unhealthy snacks they bring in. Because of this, I've been ostricized. It's gotten to the point that I actually walked in on them talking (negatively) about ME in MY cubicle!!!
They brought in a birthday cake that day b/c it was my boss' birthday. Nevermind the fact that we did cake and other healthy options the day before as a joint birthday with someone else.
Anyway, I walked in and said "who's killing you?" and they all (four of them two in their 30's and two in their late 50's) just stood there like  . So I finally "forced" it out of one of them to make them feel foolish.
Pathetic.
I too didn't run into such ish in HS so I really feel your pain... Hang in there!!
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| Posted 4/6/09 7:28 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cliques at work?
I'd be happy they didn't click with you They sound like a bunch of immature a*holes!!
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| Posted 4/6/09 7:28 PM |
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4ForMe
:)
Member since 11/05 5666 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: Cliques at work?
I hate that crap.
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| Posted 4/6/09 7:59 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Cliques at work?
I almost think that cliques get worse when people get older. It's quite annoying. At my last job, for my first faculty meeting, I walked in when there were a few people there and sat down in an empty seat and waited for the meeting to start. I knew no one. The next thing I know, whispers started and all of the people around me (except one) got up and moved to the other side of the room! The one girl that remained told me they treat every new person like that Because of that, I've made myself the welcoming committee at my current job when we have new people because I know how bad it sucks to be left out in the cold. To hell with those grown, insecure women.
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| Posted 4/6/09 10:17 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cliques at work?
yup. we have a few cliques at work
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| Posted 4/6/09 11:01 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Cliques at work?
This is why I love my new job...all MEN except me!!! No cliques, no cattiness, no drama
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| Posted 4/6/09 11:12 PM |
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justme4u
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 575 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cliques at work?
I have that i my neighborhood. It's really really bad. tHey talk about people. They only invite their "clique" to certain parties, dinners, or girls night out. I seriiously think it's their own insecutiries that makes them leave me out. Our kids play together but thats as far as it goes. They can be quite mean. I don't let it bother me.I have my own friends, and to be honest, my neighbors on the block ar just that, NEIGHBORS. Some day the kids will have a big fight and the parents will stop talking. That's when I will LMAO!!!!!
If i were you i would hold my head high and let them see that it doesnt bother you. Then make sure they over hear you talking aboiut your friends and how much fun you have together, so they know you could care less about their clique and that you have your own friends and dont need or want to be in their clique. So high schoolish or junior high schoolish. I hear aboutir more and more with women as i get older. Lke another poster said, its their insecurities that cause them to behave that way. They are more than likely jealous of you!
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| Posted 4/6/09 11:52 PM |
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Re: Cliques at work?
Posted by justme4u
I have that i my neighborhood. It's really really bad. tHey talk about people. They only invite their "clique" to certain parties, dinners, or girls night out. I seriiously think it's their own insecutiries that makes them leave me out. Our kids play together but thats as far as it goes. They can be quite mean. I don't let it bother me.I have my own friends, and to be honest, my neighbors on the block ar just that, NEIGHBORS. Some day the kids will have a big fight and the parents will stop talking. That's when I will LMAO!!!!!
If i were you i would hold my head high and let them see that it doesnt bother you. Then make sure they over hear you talking aboiut your friends and how much fun you have together, so they know you could care less about their clique and that you have your own friends and dont need or want to be in their clique. So high schoolish or junior high schoolish. I hear aboutir more and more with women as i get older. Like another poster said, its their insecurities that cause them to behave that way. They are more than likely jealous of you!
I sort of ignore them. I mention my friends and my life only occasionally because honestly, I don't feel the need to share that much with them.
I never believed in the "they are just jealous of you" theory. Sometimes people are just mean or inconsiderate because they think they are better than others.
Also... They are single, and honestly, I have a different life from them that maybe they can't relate to. If they all had boyfriends they would drop each other in a second. It just makes for a very sorority-feeling, annoying workplace....
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| Posted 4/7/09 6:14 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cliques at work?
I am not going to lie, I am part of a "clique" at work, I hate it, but we all have been working together for 10 years, and we are all a bit older than some of the other people in the office. We try our best not to let anyone else know of any plans outside of work, and if we have something to talk about, we usually do it through email not to disturb anyone else in the office or to make anyone feel left out. We try really hard.
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| Posted 4/7/09 7:14 AM |
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kimbalina
Bring on the glitter and bows!
Member since 6/08 15158 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Cliques at work?
I would try and insert myself into conversations more, and make an effort to be involved. (If that is what you want to do).
They may not even realize you would be interested.
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| Posted 4/7/09 7:19 AM |
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