Craigslist spinoff.... best of CL - OMFG...

I have a recurring dream about dying in a plane crash. In fact, I had one last night. It's happened so much I feel that I'm as much an expert in dying in plane crashes as any living being can be. I'm not superstitious. I'm not afraid to fly. But on the off-hand chance this dream turns prophetic, I feel qualified enough to make a request for anyone unfortunate enough to be on that plane with me...

I don't mind the idea of dying in a plane crash. In my dreams, I've done it a thousand times under a thousand different conditions. In most instances, death is instantaneous and painless. The thing that does bother me is what happens during that final plummet. Yes it's terrifying. But please, for the love of God, what's with the screaming? I understand you're frightened. I understand you don't want to die. I'm coming to terms with that myself as is every other passenger on that plane. But while I'm facing my imminent demise looking out the window in absolute silence and stunned horror, you're ruining the last few moments of everyone else's existence with your incessant shrill chimpanzee-like shrieking.

You're going to die. Of what possible use is a last-minute vocal exercise going to serve other than to completely annoy everyone around you and make a terrible situation even more unbearable? We are all in shock. Our sense of time slows and our senses become sharper. Now is not the time to be yelling. I'm not a religious man; but I don't mind if you pray. I might even hold your hand. But please keep it within an acceptable decibel level. If your God is real, he isn't hard of hearing, and he's most certainly aware that the plane is going down. He apparently has a plan, and he's not going to change his mind on the basis of how loud you beg him to alter it. Besides, you have an eternal life to look forward to. Look at me... I'm an atheist, and I'm keeping my mouth shut. Superman doesn't exist, so I'm hoping you're not calling for him. Anyone who can help you is already busy trying.

All I'm asking for a bit of reverence so we may die in dignity. If you treat it like a f*ing roller coaster, I swear I'm going to punch you square in the kisser for depriving me of this... and I'm pretty sure I'll get away with it.

Re: Craigslist spinoff.... best of CL - OMFG...

This one is too dirty to post....

Re: Craigslist spinoff.... best of CL - OMFG...

I <3 CL...

Date: 2007-07-05, 11:36AM PDT


You two girls were amped up about the 4 free patio chairs that I posted on CL. You came over, wafting the aroma of the sticky-icky as you walked by, and sat in the chairs and decided that they were the chairs for you. My husband and I proceeded to pick them up to carry them out front when we were informed that you were driving a Honda Civic. Insisting that you could fit one chair in and then come back for the rest, you squeezed about 4 inches of the chair into the car as the passenger held on tight to the 90% of the chair that was dangling on the outside. Many months have since passed and we have yet to see you stoners again. In my mind, there are 4 likely reasons as to why we have not seen you girls again:

1) You simply forgot where you got the chair and why you even wanted it in the first place and have been mesmerized by an Abbazabba wrapper ever since.

2) You forgot that they were free and are currently piled (along with 3 or 4 friends) on the single chair, passing the dutch and laughing about how you got away with a free chair.

3) On your way home, you forgot where you lived and are still driving around with that damn chair dangling out the window. In which case, am willing to wait a little longer for you to find your way home because I'm certain that once you do, you'll come back for the rest.

4) You smoked the chair.

Either way, it is quite annoying having 3 chairs and I have found that it is much harder giving away a set of 3 than a set of 4. Admittedly, it will be hard to re-post these chairs because every time I see them I think of the two of you and wonder just what exactly became of that lone chair. I hope that whatever you did with it, it was well enjoyed.

Godspeed, you crazy potheads.