Dad's gone 7yrs and it's not getting any easier

I have alot of mixed feelings but mostly empty and lonely. My dad hurt my feelings alot when he was around and I never felt good enough around him but we were still close if that makes sense! My dad was not very affectionate towards me but in the hospital a few days before he died he actually rubbed my back and leaned over and gave me a kiss and hug and told me that he loved me! It kinda made everything else just melt away but now I have no way to get back any lost time or to find out why he never did this before. I grew up without a mom because she left and never got along with my younger brother and like I said never felt good enough around dad. I went through alot of rough times mostly brought on by my poor judgement of people but would've given anything to feel like he of all people cared! Now it's 2am and I cant sleep because I just had another round of my mothers insanity and Im really hurt by my sisters selfishness and I feel like DH and I are drifting and I just wish he was here but I dont know why and it's driving me nuts. He never wanted to hear what I had to say about my problems and yet he was the one I ran too with everything first. Sorry just a bad night!!

Re: Dad's gone 7yrs and it's not getting any easier

i'm sorry you had a rough night!

I got a few extra hugs for you!
I hope that might help you!

Re: Dad's gone 7yrs and it's not getting any easier

Posted by LuckyMe

I have alot of mixed feelings but mostly empty and lonely. My dad hurt my feelings alot when he was around and I never felt good enough around him but we were still close if that makes sense! My dad was not very affectionate towards me but in the hospital a few days before he died he actually rubbed my back and leaned over and gave me a kiss and hug and told me that he loved me! It kinda made everything else just melt away but now I have no way to get back any lost time or to find out why he never did this before. I grew up without a mom because she left and never got along with my younger brother and like I said never felt good enough around dad. I went through alot of rough times mostly brought on by my poor judgement of people but would've given anything to feel like he of all people cared! Now it's 2am and I cant sleep because I just had another round of my mothers insanity and Im really hurt by my sisters selfishness and I feel like DH and I are drifting and I just wish he was here but I dont know why and it's driving me nuts. He never wanted to hear what I had to say about my problems and yet he was the one I ran too with everything first. Sorry just a bad night!!

Message edited 9/7/2007 9:40:12 AM.

Re: Dad's gone 7yrs and it's not getting any easier