Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

Hi all.

I wanted to get some feedback on how you came to your decision on using day care vs. a nanny, or a nanny vs. day care.

My husband and I are starting to research day care centers since I was told "it's never too early", and I want the piece of mind to know it's squared away. Last night he mentioned the idea of an in-home nanny instead of a day care center. My gut feeling is I would rather put our kid in day care as opposed to having someone come to the house. He mostly agrees with my reasoning but I also don't want to discount his opinions/feelings without checking out both options. Here's my take:

I'm not anal about stuff like this usually - but I don't love the idea of a relative stranger coming into my house 5 days a week for hours on end, having sole responsibility of my baby while no one is there to keep an eye on the situation. I feel like I've read too many stories of people who thought they found someone they could trust, only to find out they were stealing from them, slacking on the attention paid to the baby when they need it, etc. I know it's a huge generalization to assume all nannies would be like this - I am sure there are a lot of great, honest people out there. But how can I REALLY know? Even calling people for references and getting recommendations doesn't guarantee the person is trustworthy. Also, having to scramble at the last minute if the person can't make it certain days doesn't seem appealing. My husband's boss has had to call out sick a few days in recent months to accommodate his nanny's absence, which is something I don't want to have to do. And is in-home care pricier than day care, on average? I got the vibe it might be but I guess everyone is different.

I like the day care situation more (off the bat, at least) because the baby is being cared for in a semi-public environment, where other parents are coming and going each day, seeing that everything is going okay. There would be more than one caregiver so chances are, I'd never be left in the lurch if one person happened to call in sick. The baby would get to socialize, too, which seems like a plus.

Now of course there are bad things about both options, too. Day care means having to drive back and forth, whereas a nanny could just come straight to my house. And just because a day care is 'public' doesn't mean it's always clean or safe, or that the caregivers are perfect. In-home care means my baby could be living in their own house, and probably not get sick as often as in day care which is a plus. But I dunno, the thought of someone I barely know basically living in my house all day seems odd! Am I being a weirdo?

Any input you have on how you reached your decision would be appreciated!

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

Yeah, the illness thing is definitely something to consider. But, I'm trying to rationalize this in my mind by thinking it's good for them to build up immunity? I don't know facts about how much good that can do in the long run, though.

I guess I feel comforted by the idea that day care centers are state-regulated. It just seems like there is less room for serious mishap...not sure though!

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

We use an educationally based daycare center and LOVE it. I feel more like DS is going to school than a babysitter and have seen him get so much out the activities (art, music, physical games) as well as the social aspect. Today he ran over to hug his friend in the class!

Not all centers are created equally and you have to visit them to find the one that meshes with your child and your needs. I feel secure that he is safe with many eyes and many adults and happy knowing that he is kept amused and busy all day long.

The getting sick is a negative. DS has had an ear infection and pink eye, but they could get that from playdates or anyplace else. I have been told it will build up his immunity so in Kindgergaten won't get sick.

Good luck!

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

DH and I struggled with this decision and I am so glad we chose daycare.

I didnt want a stranger in my house all day. I didnt want my child in front of tv all day and I didnt want him to go crazy in the 2 bedroom apt we have.

Daycare was hard but the teachers are loving and he loves it there. They do projects and he has friends there. They were very helpful in the transition to solid foods and I know the cot transition will make a bed transition easier as well.

I truly love that when we leave daycare it is just me and DH and DS at home. I am a jealous person and it would kill me if DS clinged on to a stranger instead of me.

The big downfall is illness--DS's 1st winter we were in the dr office every other week--but so far this 2nd winter has been better

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

I am still a SAHM, but I have been researching this since I hope to go back to work next year (if I can find a job). I would personally much prefer daycare, but in all likelihood, DS will be with a babysitter since the daycares I have spoken with will not even accept an application unless both my spouse and I are employed at least part-time, and I am currently unemployed. It's also hard to know when I'll find a job, so we will probably need to go with a babysitter.

My reasons for preferring daycare are those mentioned already, many eyes, socialization, a range of activities planned, and exposure to germs (I actually want him to get exposed so his immune system will get a boost, though I guess he gets this everytime we go to the library or grocery store)! Also, my son really loves meeting different people and leaving the house for awhile. Soem babysitters are great and do lots of things with the kids, but others will indeed stick them in front of the tv all day or chat on the cell phone.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

There are pros and cons to each.

For us, we chose a center because we like the idea of many people watching.

We also want structure, like the fact that they have a pre school program and it's educational base.

Also, she takes different classes-dance, music, "gymnastics" (really rolling around on mats at 17 months).

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

We never even considered in-home care- we went straight to a center for the reasons you mentioned, but especially for the incredible enrichment activities offered by our center. Art, multiple music programs, exercise, Spanish, sign language, etc. It's amazing! That said, all centers are NOT equal and it takes a lot of research & visits to find one that fits your needs. Best of luck!

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

My DS is in a daycare center. I can't really address in home care, since I've never used it, but I will give you my pros and cons of daycare.....

PROS
I like that more than one teacher is there and that the classrooms are monitored with video cameras. I am welcome to go in at any time and observe him in the classroom if I want to. This makes me more comfortable than just trusting that one person is doing what they are supposed to be doing.

Along the same lines, I like that he is around several adults during the day. That way, he is not getting so attached to one provider, so that in the event the provider can no longer watch him, he won't be crushed.

I love that they have structured activities and that he socializes with other children during the day.

We are also at an educational daycare, so as he ages up, he will be getting what a preschool would provide without having to move him. If I had an in-home provider, there is no way DH or I could bring him to a preschool and then to the babysitter.

They provide breakfast and lunch, once he is on all table food (of course I pay for that in my fees, but the convenience is nice).

They are always open, with the exception of major holidays. I don't have to worry about coordinating my vacation with the provider's vacation or if one of the teachers calls in sick.

CONS
He has gotten sick. A LOT. But, some SAHMs I know have told me that if we weren't dealing with it now, we would be dealing with it when he starts school. It's tough to see him sick so much at such a young age, though.

He probably doesn't have as much one on one attention from the providers as if he were home or in a smaller setting.

They provide breakfast and lunch, once he is on all table food. I know this was also a pro, but while I love the convenience, I don't control what he eats so much. After they are 2, no outside food is allowed at our center, unless there is a medical reason for it. I am not wild about some of the things on the menu, but I live with it.

There are days where I wish I didn't have to take him out, when the weather is really bad and it would be a lot easier if someone came to my house.

I chose a location near work, and sometimes that 30 minute drive home in the car is not fun for either of us.

Message edited 1/29/2009 9:15:44 AM.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

I chose daycare because my son was a very social baby, and I didn’t want him in the position where he was the only kid or maybe only one other kid, I wanted him to be around a lot of kids all the time. I also like daycare because if your babysitter pulls out, you are never in that situation where you have to urgently find alternative childcare, they are always open, and they are always going to be open. I am also not keen on someone else in my house, and I don’t like the idea of my kid being in someone elses house all the time, and I agree, more eyes to watch, more structure, daycare was the only option for me.

eta, I don't think the sick thing rings true for everyone, my son has only been sick twice in two years, I have only missed one day of work (and my husband 2 days) due to ear infections over the course of 2 years. I think that if your kid get sick easily, they will get sick no matter what kind of daycare situation they are in.

Message edited 1/29/2009 9:23:53 AM.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

IF for some reason I needed childcare, at this point, I would look into a center.

1. I don't know anyone in my area who could give a trusted referral on a nanny.

2. Unless it was super nanny who took him everywhere, he would be super bored sitting around someone's home.

I babysit 5 days a week for a little boy. I know there is no where better for him to be then with us. Tuesday, Chuck E Cheese, yesterday indoor playground...we read every morning. Do a craft, sing during lunch. Parks all the time. playdates. storytimes. library classes. dairy farms.

He naps in a queen size bed in his own room at my home.

They don't pay for sick days.

He has my kid who is 5 weeks older to play with and use all age appropriate toys.

Message edited 1/29/2009 9:49:18 AM.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

Our reasons for deciding on daycare are EXACTLY the same as yours. -
I also personally like the structured 'school like' environment of the daycare we chose.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

DD is in a daycare center now and its been great for her, except for the fact that she gets sick A LOT - just about every week or every other week she has a cold or stomach virus or something else. She is very prone to ear infections and has had 5 ear infections since October. She's been on antibiotics each time - and the antibiotics always cause a diaper rash or diarrhea or both. Our Ped is probably going to send her to a specialist soon for the ear infections - and we may have to put tubes in her ears.

With all these illnesses, DH and I have missed a few days of work to bring her to Doc or because Daycare centers won't let you bring a child with a fever or stomach bug in - we have helpful grandparents who have been able to watch her when she is sick, but if we didnt', I'm sure we would have missed more days.

Also add the cost of all these prescriptions and office visits. If she needs to get tubes in, that more specialist visits, obviously one of us will need to take time off to be with her when the tubes go in etc.

I am considering getting a nanny simply because I feel terrible that she has all these infections because she is getting sick all the time. If she was older, it would be better, but this has been going on since she is 6 months old.

We chose Daycare for all the reasons you described. DH especially did not want a relative stranger in the house, so it will be hard to convince him to change...

Given my story, not all babies are prone to ear infections and hopefully yours will not be. Good luck with your decision.

Also, wanted to add that my girlfriend used a nanny and had Nanny cams all over her house, so they would know if something was up. It cost them about $700 to set it up (but her DH is really techie)

Message edited 1/29/2009 10:25:27 AM.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

I prefer in home care, more one on one interaction, she still gets to play with other children and her day is structured with reading, playing, educational games, etc

it is the best of both worlds for us

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

Thank you all so much for the insight!!

Reading all this really helps me feel like daycare would be the best option for me. Seeing the pros and cons puts it in a nice perspective. It's good to get real life advice from real moms because I'm a first timer, and I don't have any friends or family in the area with small children who could offer suggestions. I will show all of your responses to my husband so he can consider your points.

Before becoming pregnant, and even in the very beginning, I looked at day care as a 'punishment' for not being able to be a SAHM - but this site has helped me see that it's a great solution for working parents. Even better is that it also gives children a lot of experiences/stimulation they might not have staying at home all day. I guess we've all got to do what works best for our own situations - I think this will be the best for us. Thanks again!!

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

We chose a nanny in-home. We got her from a nanny website that was very credible. This was before I became a SAHM. She was great. She took our son to swimming classes (We provided gas money) and a music class to help socialize him. She was great. The first few months we had a nanny cam but after we saw they were well adjusted together we took it off. She had an education in early childhood education. She had worked as a Nanny her whole life. Our son knock on wood has never been sick. Also she would sterilize his bottles, wash his clothing, and clean any mess they had made through the day. My son was in a daycare for a week and he got sick. After that I quite my job to stay with him.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

I kinda do both. My son is in preschool full time two days a week. My daughter has a sitter that comes to the house. But the only reason I use a sitter for my daughter is because I know her...she is my next door neighbor. Otherwise the thought of a total stranger even with background checks and all that still scares the heck out of me watching my kids. For me, i would worry about the other people in the caregivers life...like who knows if they have a crazy ex husband or something that might try to come to my home while the babysitter was there. Paranoid....maybe! But the extra cost of daycare gives me the peace of mind I need if I can't be the ones watching my kids.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

When the time comes in September, DH And I will most likely opt for daycare.

I am a teacher and I just can't see myself paying a Nanny for all of the holidays and vacations that I am not at work. The summer also throws a wrench into things as well. I would either have to keep the Nanny on payroll for the entire summer or find a new Nanny every september.

I live in a child-centered neighborhood (Park Slope) that has many wonderful daycares. I like that they are regulated by the department of health and that all of the workers must be licensed. Because there are so many daycares available, each one works extremely hard to give the children more than the next one--there are also waiting lists a mile long--some you even have to pay a fee to get on the waiting list.

I am not a very good interviewer and I would feel awkward interviewing Nannies and "employing" someone. Technically, you are also supposed to provide a Nanny with worker's comp. and a portion of their SS or something like that. The arrangement should be "on the books" though it rarely ever is.

I know kids become sick more frequently in daycare, but the way I see it--kids get sick. They'll be getting sick from classmates for years.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

I was torn on what type of day care to use as well. I didn’t like the idea of someone staying at my house all day, my house is a mess and that would mean I would have to keep it clean (maybe that’s not a bad thing). We really felt that a loving, caring, steady environment was important while he was a baby and that when he was older a “school” environment would work well. We look at several day care centers and we didn’t get the loving, nurturing feeling we were looking for. The centers were caring don’t get me wrong but we just really wanted our DS to be cuddled and loved as if we were the one’s doing it and that’s not the feeling we got. I bet there are some centers out there that we would have felt that way in. Anyway, we visited a few In-home centers and I like the feeling we got. It was like an aunt or grandma was going to take care of him. Now I also must say we visited a few in home centers that I wouldn’t leave DS at if I had to so these are not created equal either. My DS truly loves his caregiver and her husband they are like another set of grandparents. The in-home environment offer the socialization to other kids and is very adaptable to the child’s schedule or needs. My son loves to cuddle before naptime and now takes her hand and brings her over to the chair. He also naps much earlier then other kids but it is not an issue. Although the kids still spread illnesses I don’t think it’s as often as a typical day care center since there are fewer children. The only con we have are when the caregiver goes on vacation (which isn’t often) we need to take off or find a replacement we have plenty of notice and she even has check dates with us before she booked. She hasn’t been sick in many years but if she was sick and couldn’t take care to the children we would have to find a replacement.

Look at many options and trust your feelings when you are visiting. You will find the right place and if you start out in one place and don’t like it don’t hesitate to switch, you need to find the one that fits you and your husband the best.

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

Hm, good cases for in-home care as well...so much to think about!

Re: Day care vs. in-home care (a little long)

There are def pros and cons to each, however I like in-home care. I like it because I don't have to get both kids up and ready and dropped off before I head off to work. I just get up, get myself ready and wait for the babysitter. Usually when I leave the boys are still in their PJs. They can nap in their own beds as well. They are not as sick as they probably would be in a day care situation as well which is a plus. And the babysitter does a lot of things with them - playing in the backyard, taking them to the pool, beach.....I allow her to do what she wants to do with them, but I never force her to do anything.

I like the idea of day care for older kids and looked into some, but I am so comfortable with the way things are now, I am going to keep it like it is for the near future. THe boys are comfortable and I really like it this way.

That works for me and my family. I have no issues with day care in general, I just like the advantages that an in-house nanny gives me over dropping them off at day care.

Also, if I can't find someone willing to come to my house my next option would be to find someone who would watch them at their house since it would be more local for me to drop them off there then a day care.