Dealing with BM's SO?

BM recently got involved with a new guy who has, after a few months, appeared to have moved in to her house (his divorce only ended last summer but I am not even going to comment on that!). I try to live by the rule that step-parents or those in a similar role should "stay out of it" because visitation/rules/etc. are really between the two parents, I wasn't there when the split happened, I don't know all of the considerations, on and on. BM's new SO and live-in companion doesn't do it this way, getting involved in almost everything, sending rude emails to DH, and it is really frustrating because BM's SO obviously doesn't know all of the history (I know way more because DH and I have been together for years but he has been there for 6 months, but I still don't profess to know everything myself).

WWYD? At first we thought the SO might be a nice just clueless guy and we thought maybe DH should meet him for coffee to clear the air and try to be on good terms. But his recent actions have made us realize that the SO is really a pretty big jerk and cocky and sees himself as SS's other primary caretaker and DH just doesn't know as much as SO so DH shouldn't bother making parenting decisions.

The annoying part -- we are pretty sure that BM is with the new SO because he has a high-paying job (she is not big on the "working thing") and because he has a daughter from his prior marriage and she desperately wanted a daughter. As involved as this guy is, I bet if he lost his job she would think twice about the relationship...

Re: Dealing with BM's SO?

My situation is pretty similar. I have to say that BM's SO seems nice, SD really likes him, and he doesn't get involved but it's the same thing...they just met, they practically live together (don't even get me started on the hell I went through with BM freaking out when I stayed over after we were engaged) and he's not divorced yet so if you ask my SD, she will tell you "mommy's boyfriend is married". Nice, right?

Back to you...I bet BM tells SO stories that your DH is unreasonable, a jerk, whatever so that he feels a need to "protect" her and SK. I think your DH needs to tell BM that her SO does not need to be so involved, that SK has 2 parents who are perfectly capable of handling SK. I wonder how he would feel if his ex was with someone telling him how to parent his kid. I can't believe he emails your DH. That is so inappropriate.

Re: Dealing with BM's SO?