Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
|
Dear Santa: (not for the faint of heart)
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a
frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the
Space Ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
_______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they conceived you, didn't they?
Santa
_______________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy
to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you
think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his
a*s constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos
instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa
_____________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony
and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
_____________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer
outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the $hits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when I'm riding
in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words: Jim Beam.
Santa
_____________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a
slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly
and squeezing the a*ses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S. Tell your mom she got the part. "Long Dong" Claus
_____________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
____________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiny begging $hit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me.
You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa
_____________________________________________________
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your a*s kicked at
school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment
complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your
bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
|
