Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

DH and I are currently discussing having a second child. We dealt with IF for 3 years before having DD. Now that we have her (she's 2) I can't seem to decide if I want to go for another. It took 2 IVFs for me to get pregnant and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to go through it again.

Age is another factor. I recently turned 40 so I don't exactly have time on my side. I need to make the decision soon if I want to go through IVF again. I constantly go back and forth. I want a sibling for DD but I don't know if I can go through the harrowing emotional rollercoaster again. I keep thinking, what if it doesn't work?? Many people have said to me, Oh maybe you'll get pregnant on your own. Well, DD is 2 and it hasn't happened. So I know IVF is our only option.

Those of you that went through IVF, did you have a lot of difficulty deciding to go through it again to try for baby #2? Or did you know instantly that you wanted another even though the process was hard?

Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

It took me 2 years to get PG with my DS. He is 2 now. I had a few failed IUIs and was just going to start IVF when I got PG with DS on my own.

We decided that as much as we want #2 that we will just try on our own. My DS is a perfect little boy and if thats all we end up with I will be happy. I am also 40. We just didn't want to go through the hell that he did trying for DS. It took a toll on me and our relationship so we just aren't willing to do that to ourselves again.

Re: Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

We knew that we wanted at least 2, maybe 3 children. It took us so long to have DD (3 IUI's, 3 IVF's and 2 m/c), I really wasn't sure if I could do all that over again. Fortunately we didn't have to worry about it too long, when DD was 18 months old I got the biggest surprise BFP ever.
If you know you want more children, I say go for it. Don't let your age get you down either. I am going to be 37 and I plan on going for at least 1 more after this one.
Good luck!

Re: Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

My experience is very much like yours. It took two IVFs to conceive DD, she is now 2.5. We always wanted two kids and we had talked about going back when DD was 15 months, 18 months, 2 years and for whatever reason we just didn't. We recently went back and did a 3rd IVF (the last one covered under our insurance) and it didn't work. We have two frozen blasts so I think we will do a frozen transfer but of course the financial aspect of IF is very stressful.

I would love another child, but I would also be perfectly happy with having DD and no other kids, I truly feel so lucky to have her that it would be ok.

For me, going through the 3rd IVF was a lot easier emotionally than the first two when we were trying to have our first child. I feel like having a second child would be a bonus, but it's not that unbearable ache that trying to have our first child felt like.

Good luck with your decision!

Re: Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

DD is the result of IVF`#2. Growing up an only child, I have always felt strongly about having more than one child.

Maybe I'm not the best person to answer this question since I have always had a very different outlook on IF. I didn't find it emotionally draining. I always looked at it as the thing I had to do if I wanted to have children. It was a simple decision when we decided to do IVF again. Neither DH nor I want DD to be an only child, so back to the RE we went. Are the injections and daily monitoring annoying? Yes. Did I care? Nope.

I always went in hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. I never tried to read into symptoms. I just did whatever I could to improve my chances of IVF working.

Good luck in what ever decision you make

Re: Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

Tough one.

I hated IVF. I was very depressed, gained a lot of weight. Emotional rollercoaster was a gentle way of describing it. The one thing I had going for me was that I was young.

DD (DC #2) was one of those surprises post IVF. Got preggo the second month kinda trying naturally. It was so much easier.

I want a third child. It's been over 6 months of trying & I think it will have to be IVF. I'm going to try aggressively 1st with OPK & all that. I'm OK with having to go through IVF again. DH is not so thrilled.

Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

I think about this a lot. Dd is the result of 4 iuis and 2 Ivfs. I do want a second and if I had to do it all over again I would. Yes it was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting to say the least and took a toll on our marriage. I think it was diff though than it will be bc before I didn't even know if I would ever have a child. Now that I do the pressure is off. Having a second would be a bonus plus I know I can get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby.

Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

Thank you all for your replies. It's very helpful to hear from other people in a similar situation.

Re: Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

Re: Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

I knew we wanted another. When my twins were 6 months old, I went back to my Dr with DH just to discuss our options. I figured when the twins were a year or 18 months we could decide what we wanted to do. I am a big planner.
I had some frozen so wanted to know the quality, etc. what treatment would look like. Monitoring appts etc.

Well my mom watched my kids for me 3 days a week and passed away unexpectedly when they were 7 months old. We decided maybe we were done and no more kids. Well I got pregnant when my boys were 8 months old. Completely unplanned and a surprise.

Now I couldn't imagine it any other way. My house is crazy but fun. My advice is to maybe go for a consult. That may give you a clearer point of view. GL!

Re: Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

The question you really have to ask yourself is will you regret one day when you are 52 years old thinking ... "I wish we had a second child/sibling or at least tried." That is what convinced me that I was making the right decision. Good luck in your soul searching

BTW: I was 3 months shy of 42 when I gave birth to my second baby. We are sure we don't want three kids

Message edited 1/16/2014 6:45:45 PM.

Re: Deciding on baby #2 after IVF

While going through IF for DD, we said we would only think about one at a time. When I got my cryo report I thought I had 3 embryos frozen so we immediately started talking about the hope of expanding our family with a FET in the future. We found out recently that our 3 other embryos weren't healthy enough to freeze. So of course, we had to reconsider again. We have decided when the time comes, we will try naturally and if we aren't successful then we will talk about it at that time.