DH doesn't know what to do...father issue

Background info:

DH has never had a healthy/good relationship with his father. His parents divorced when he was about 4, and his time spent with him on weekends and vacations were stressful times to say the least. His dad has been quite violent in the past and at one point had actually kidnapped him and his brother for over 2 weeks, just to try and get back at their mom. As they got older, DH maybe say his father 3x a year, basically just when necessary. We haven't seen him in 3 1/2 years since his grandmothers funeral. No contact since.

What I am asking for help on is this:

We moved out of state 2 1/2 years ago and didn't tell him. We know he knows b/c DH's brother recently had called him to tell him he was engaged, and the father asked. He was not happy and hung up on DH's brother. Now that we are expecting our first child, DH doesn't know whether he should tell his father about it. He doesn't feel like he owes him anything and he certainly doesn't want him in our childs life, but this question keeps coming up. I told him that I support him either way, but ultimately the decision is his. My only concern is that down the road when DH's brother does get married we might run into him (might b/c DH's brother basically has since written the father off) and I wouldn't want the stress of having to deal with it later to be on DH.

I appreciate any advice you have and thank you for even listening to my crazy family story

Re: DH doesn't know what to do...father issue

I think there is no reason for him to tell his father, especially if you do not want him in your child's life.

Re: DH doesn't know what to do...father issue

Re: DH doesn't know what to do...father issue

Thanks for the advice so far. He's been talking to his mom about it alot lately, and actually spoke to my dad as well. While I don't believe he would take my child, he would never be allowed to be alone with it anyway. I would assume if he did know, we would only see him once a year as we do not live in NY anymore.

Re: DH doesn't know what to do...father issue

I would just shoot him a quick note as a favor to DH's brother, just so he doesn't have to be the one to break the news again. You don't OWE the father anything, it's really just to save yourself and your BIL the trouble later on.

Re: DH doesn't know what to do...father issue

What does he hope to accomplish by telling him?

Personally, I think it's a mistake to tell him if he doesn't want anything to do with him. I know from people I've met who were estranged from their parents, they always held out hope that their parents would come around - and the parents almost never did.