Do you feel that...

Having step children helps or hurts your marriage?

Do you feel that...

Both. I have an amazing relationship with my younger SS (14) - we are super close and do things together all the time. Sometimes just the 2 of us and sometimes with DH as well. I know DH loves that I have this relationship with his son and I love the relationship too. But, I have issues with his older son (20 and a senior in college, so he's not around too much). He's super bright and overall a good kid, but he's also incredibly lazy, which drives me crazy. He's never had a job - not even during the summers - and DH doesn't think he should be required to do anything around the house (I think its divorce guilt), so we do fight about that sometimes. BUt on a deeper level, one thing I love about DH is is love for and dedication to his boys (even if we disagree about some things) - so big pciture, I would say it helps.

Re: Do you feel that...

I'm going to say hurts but I think my own LO hurts my marriage too. There's just way less time to put into attending to DH's needs, there is less money to have fun with and everyone is running all the time.

With SD, it hurts our marriage in that I dont' agree with the way he "parents" her and there is nothing I can do about it. We often fight about his lack of supervision, disinterest in ensuring she is appropriate dressed before she goes out, etc. She is a teenager but he does not want to deal with any of the b.s. that comes along with it. He likes to pretend it's not going on. So that definitely leads to many arguements.

Do you feel that...

Hurts. My DH asks or support and gets frustrated with my SD and I try to be supportive but it's hard to not chime in and tell him what I'm really thinking. I see him spoil her and I think he has guilt over the divorce which I understand. I just feel that it's hard having him away from my family when he visits her. It's so much harder when you ave a SD! I never realized how hard it would be when we got married.