Does anyone feel like your life is

kind of out of control?
I am a FTWM with a 15 month old. DD My DH does not really help out in the house. He does mow the lawn and take the garbage out but that's about all.
I have to do all other cores:
Laundry, cooking, cleaning, food shopping, all errands, getting DD ready, dressed and fed.
He does watch DD for about an hour each day before I get home and he is great with her. He just doesn't seem to get that there is so much to do besides just playing and feeding her snacks!
I don't know if I am just feeling slightly overwhelmed but I feel like my house looks liek a tornado hit it and I am the only one trying to get it back in control.
DH comes from a family wher his grandmother did everything for him and he is not bothered if there are dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor or dirty in the sink.
We have been married about 4 years andI have not really confronted him on this and feel like since having a baby it's too much to handle.
Sorry, I guess I just had to vent!

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

I feel that way some days ..I am a single Mom and there are just some days that are a lot tougher than others.

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

You need to sit down with DH and ask for more help. If DH didn't help out in the house I think I would go crazy! I am also a FTWM and me and DH split the chores. I always cook and while I cook DH plays with DS. We eat and then I clean up while DH plays with DS. DH does all the laundry and MOST of the cleaning, he bathes DS while I make lunches for the next day and pack up DS's bag for daycare. Then I powder and lotion ds and put his Pj's on and feed him and put him to bed.

If we didn't get things done together we would never have OUR time. After DS goes to bed we sit together on the couch with a drink and watch some tv.

ASK HIM FOR HELP!!!

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

I'm in the same boat and started putting DH in charge of grocery shopping. He has to plan meals and shop for them. He now realizes how hard it is! It's one less thing I have to do at least. He's also picked up a vacuum once in a while w/o me asking which is nice!!!

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

Give your husband tasks.. at least have him watch DC while you get your house under control..

I feel like you do and my husband DOES help!!

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

In the beginning DH was like this and this was before we were married...he quickly learned!!! His mother did everything for him! I ended up writing a large HOW TO sheet of paper and put it up near the laundry, so he couldn't tell me he didn't know how to do laundry. Well now he pretty much does all the laundry!!

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

I've found that most men are not clairvoyant and unless we ask them to do something, they have NO idea we want them to.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, write out a list of everything that needs to be done. Once you have it on paper sit down with him and discuss the various chores, the current division of labor, and how he can help to equalize the division of labor every day or every week.

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

I feel this way alot - and dh does stuff around the house. When I'm not working, I do 90% of the childcare and cooking/cleaning. But i give DH stuff to do - he does ALL of the food shopping, errand running, etc.... i feel better that at least that's not on me. I would sit down with your DH and give him a list of stuff that you would like him to do.

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

I feel the same way...im also a FTWM with a 14 and 1/2 month old...i also attened school and bartend when needed at a Private club

My DH and I work opposite shifts in order to care for our child, so when i am home with my son its just me

we make a list of things that need to get done and check them off as they are completed to help with the stress

hope its get better soon!

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

My life is exactly how you describe with 2 kids and a full time job

BUT I will say that my DH does help out and perhaps you need to get your DH to help. start slowly with one chore or helping prepare dinner. It will make a huge difference. will he do this?

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

I totally feel like this right now, and I am a SAHM. DH doesn't help at all. I don't even want help w/ the house that much. Just want him to help more w/ dd. I can't be "on" 24/7 w/o more than 5 mins to myself. I was waiting for him to come home to get some stuff done around the house, and heaven forbid shower for longer than 2 mins. As I write this DH is napping in the LR. We are having a serious talk tonight, if he ever wakes up.

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

Posted by MrsB0118

I totally feel like this right now, and I am a SAHM. DH doesn't help at all. I don't even want help w/ the house that much. Just want him to help more w/ dd. I can't be "on" 24/7 w/o more than 5 mins to myself. I was waiting for him to come home to get some stuff done around the house, and heaven forbid shower for longer than 2 mins. As I write this DH is napping in the LR. We are having a serious talk tonight, if he ever wakes up.

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

You have to ask for the help. If your DH is reasonable, he probably would help if you ask. But most men, for whatever reason, just do get it on their own.

DH and I will look at a room and see it completely differently. He thinks it looks fine-I see the crumbs on the table, the dirty bib, the empty glasses, the spoon on the counter, the mess of mail on the counter and the hairbrush on the counter and the counter, along with the others, needs to be wiped down.

I could never just say, "Hon, can you pick up the room while I put the kids to bed"? I would come back down and the kitchen would look almost exactly the same.

So, 1-ask, give him tasks. 2-be specific (i.e., can you wipe down the table and counters and put the dishes in the dishwasher and go through the mail?)

It's tough

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

Posted by MrsB0118

I totally feel like this right now, and I am a SAHM. DH doesn't help at all. I don't even want help w/ the house that much. Just want him to help more w/ dd. I can't be "on" 24/7 w/o more than 5 mins to myself. I was waiting for him to come home to get some stuff done around the house, and heaven forbid shower for longer than 2 mins. As I write this DH is napping in the LR. We are having a serious talk tonight, if he ever wakes up.

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

Posted by noni882

Posted by MrsB0118

I totally feel like this right now, and I am a SAHM. DH doesn't help at all. I don't even want help w/ the house that much. Just want him to help more w/ dd. I can't be "on" 24/7 w/o more than 5 mins to myself. I was waiting for him to come home to get some stuff done around the house, and heaven forbid shower for longer than 2 mins. As I write this DH is napping in the LR. We are having a serious talk tonight, if he ever wakes up.

I feel your pain. I am definietly going to sit and talk with DH today.
Thanks everyone!

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

Let DH stay home a WHOLE day with your DC and let him see how hard it is!

Re: Does anyone feel like your life is

talk to him about it. You said he doesn't care if the house is a mess, does he know that YOU care if it is a mess? He might not even realize it is an issue - men sometimes don't get subtle hints.

good luck!