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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
BM took my SD out of a childcare program (11years old) and supposedly has started paying her older daughter (14yo) to watch my SD...All she sends my DH is a copy of a "front" of a check written out to her 14yo (not a cancelled check or anything)- My DH pays 1/2....How the he11 do we know if she is really paying her ? And even if she is, is my DH responsible to pay for a family member to watch her ??? Granted, my DH won't persue this because- she'll just have a friend give fake receipts for childcare (shes notorious for this) and it will end up being double the amount of $$$....She always only gives him copies of fronts of checks for everything, never proof with a cancelled check and because she is such a pro, it makes me crazy !...Ofcourse, if for some reason they end up in court, my DH will bring up the childcare thing- but in the meanwhile I was wondering what you all thought ...Oh, why can't things ever be easy !
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Posted 9/13/08 8:12 PM  |
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KarenG2003
My BIG man and my little man!
Member since 4/08 1684 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Wow! BM really nickel and dimes you guys for everything, huh? It's crazy that she can't just pay her daughter out of her own pocket to watch your SD. If she is the type of woman you say she is, then yes, I'd be very suspicious about the checks she is getting from your DH. As much as the situation stinks for you, in my opinion your DH is handling it the right way. Like you said, it could be worse. He could be paying half for daycare.
Just a thought that might make you feel a little better: If she was REALLY trying to be sneaky, she could have pulled SD out of daycare, not told you guys, and continued collecting half for daycare, which I'm sure is more $$. Just trying to make you feel better!
Sorry you're going through this! 
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| Posted 9/13/08 8:47 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by KarenG2003
Wow! BM really nickel and dimes you guys for everything, huh? It's crazy that she can't just pay her daughter out of her own pocket to watch your SD. If she is the type of woman you say she is, then yes, I'd be very suspicious about the checks she is getting from your DH. As much as the situation stinks for you, in my opinion your DH is handling it the right way. Like you said, it could be worse. He could be paying half for daycare.
Just a thought that might make you feel a little better: If she was REALLY trying to be sneaky, she could have pulled SD out of daycare, not told you guys, and continued collecting half for daycare, which I'm sure is more $$. Just trying to make you feel better!
Sorry you're going through this!
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The "strange" part is- because the childcare program she was in was through school (after care and when school is closed is when she attends), it was actually cheaper then paying the older sister ! Not a whole lot more- but more none the less !....In the past she has given us handwritten notes from her friends as receipts that she payed them to watch SD - my DS just gives her the 50% to keep the waters calm- but this "front" of checks thing irri tates me  There have been countless other bogus receipts that we have payed just to not have the headache...When my DH was dating her (not married- thankfully), she used to put her older daughters father through much of the same crap- hence why we keep look out for this type of behavior from her- One example= buying outfits for competitions, making dad pay 1/2 for it, then selling them on e-bay for a profit, and also sending receipts for school supplies, then bringing them back and getting a refund (already having collected from father) The list goes on- She collects CS from 2 fathers, and is re-married, is a waitress (so most of her $ is off the books) and has a rental income property she collects 2 rents from- Sorry for the rant, just trying to point out, that she's not hurting by any means...Sad part is, its nice that my SD isnt with strangers for childcare and she gets to stay with her sister, but are we being bamboozled or what ????
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| Posted 9/13/08 9:01 PM |
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KarenG2003
My BIG man and my little man!
Member since 4/08 1684 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
And I thought my SD's BM was bad! YIKES! That's just ridiculous! I'm sure it puts a lot of unnecessary stress on your relationship with DH, too. I would NOT be able to keep a level head if that sort of thing was happening to DH. to you for being an understanding, tolerant wife!
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| Posted 9/13/08 9:26 PM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Way back when I went to court over child care and child support, I was told it had to be a licensed facility - I had to supply a tax id # to prove it. (if my memory serves me correctly!)
When I stopped using the licensed facility and switched to a regular babysitter - I was not "entitled" to any money for child care.
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| Posted 9/13/08 10:24 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by KarenG2003
And I thought my SD's BM was bad! YIKES! That's just ridiculous! I'm sure it puts a lot of unnecessary stress on your relationship with DH, too. I would NOT be able to keep a level head if that sort of thing was happening to DH. to you for being an understanding, tolerant wife!
Luckily, for the most part, my DH and I don't let her stress our relationship (because frankly , thats exactly what she would like) but I am a bit more rough around the edges than DH and there are some things that make me crazy- like the fake receipt thing....She knows every in and out of the system, and how she can get more $ without throwing out any red flags to the courts, and she does it well- Thast why my DH really tries to pick his battles with her- because if she doesnt get what she wants one way, she'll figure out another The worst part is, because of her alienating my SD, she hasnt even come for visitaion in 2 years  - all our contact is phone/mail (which it doesnt seem like she even gets 1/2 of ....
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| Posted 9/14/08 7:57 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by Tracey
Way back when I went to court over child care and child support, I was told it had to be a licensed facility - I had to supply a tax id # to prove it. (if my memory serves me correctly!)
When I stopped using the licensed facility and switched to a regular babysitter - I was not "entitled" to any money for child care.
The courts are funny, as if they make the rules up as they go along...Way back, my DH was getting handwritten receipts from one of my SD's friends mom for babysitting her  and in one of the court appearances my DH asked the judge (who was fair on most things) and she said he had to pay - The unfair part was that the judge wouldnt put a cap on my SD extra-curricular activities- therefore leaving my DH as an open check book- so we pay  for that every month- and it gets worse and worse every year ! Private lessons (for everything !), 3-4 activites at atime (you get the picture) We're all for activities, but there has got to be a line drawn somewhere (problem is- BM has so much $ floating around , and although she uses it for the kids - well at least we think- she is your typical "socccer mom,"- living viacriously through them for the life she never had ) Errrrrr!!!
ETA- Meanwhile, DH and I had to figure out how we could put our own DS in 2 day a week pre-k without falling behind
Message edited 9/14/2008 8:06:01 AM.
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| Posted 9/14/08 8:04 AM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Depending upon how the papers are written it might matter where she is in childcare....
BUT...
If she is paying someone to watch her DH needs to be supplied with that persons Social Security # and then proof that that person is claiming the money....just copy of a check, whether it be cancelled, cashed, etc...is not enough to substantiate childcare.
So in answer to your question NO it's not "legal"
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| Posted 9/14/08 1:23 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Not a stepparent here but you can write off childcare for your child if he's paying 1/2, no?
I would ask for the social security # as you'll need it when you file your taxes.
Posted by hbugal
Depending upon how the papers are written it might matter where she is in childcare....
BUT...
If she is paying someone to watch her DH needs to be supplied with that persons Social Security # and then proof that that person is claiming the money....just copy of a check, whether it be cancelled, cashed, etc...is not enough to substantiate childcare.
So in answer to your question NO it's not "legal"
ITA
Good luck!
Message edited 9/14/2008 11:04:07 PM.
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| Posted 9/14/08 11:03 PM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
I honestly don't know if that's "legal." I've come to learn that the legal system changes all the time depending on the judge  Men should be better protected against these psycho's...I don't understand it. It's a shame.
I'm just wondering, do all these BM's go to the same school or something??? They're so good at being scammers....I could never do things like this! What ever happened to being a woman and working and helping support your family???? 
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| Posted 9/15/08 8:35 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by nrthshgrl
Not a stepparent here but you can write off childcare for your child if he's paying 1/2, no?
I would ask for the social security # as you'll need it when you file your taxes.
Posted by hbugal
Depending upon how the papers are written it might matter where she is in childcare....
BUT...
If she is paying someone to watch her DH needs to be supplied with that persons Social Security # and then proof that that person is claiming the money....just copy of a check, whether it be cancelled, cashed, etc...is not enough to substantiate childcare.
So in answer to your question NO it's not "legal"
ITA
Good luck!
Yes, when my SD was in the
after school childcare program- on the years we claim her , we were able to write off our 1/2 of childcare...Now she's being watched by her 14 year old sister- so now we lose again- can't write that off either - obviously the 14yo isnt claiming taxes or income , and ofcourse, this is our year to claim her
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| Posted 9/15/08 8:56 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by AnaMaree77
I honestly don't know if that's "legal." I've come to learn that the legal system changes all the time depending on the judge Men should be better protected against these psycho's...I don't understand it. It's a shame.
I'm just wondering, do all these BM's go to the same school or something??? They're so good at being scammers....I could never do things like this! What ever happened to being a woman and working and helping support your family????
Well the BM in my case is a seasoned vet unfortuntely- did this to her older daughters father- so if there is a school- she's got her doctorate
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| Posted 9/15/08 8:57 AM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by Bops
Posted by nrthshgrl
Not a stepparent here but you can write off childcare for your child if he's paying 1/2, no?
I would ask for the social security # as you'll need it when you file your taxes.
Posted by hbugal
Depending upon how the papers are written it might matter where she is in childcare....
BUT...
If she is paying someone to watch her DH needs to be supplied with that persons Social Security # and then proof that that person is claiming the money....just copy of a check, whether it be cancelled, cashed, etc...is not enough to substantiate childcare.
So in answer to your question NO it's not "legal"
ITA
Good luck!
Yes, when my SD was in the
after school childcare program- on the years we claim her , we were able to write off our 1/2 of childcare...Now she's being watched by her 14 year old sister- so now we lose again- can't write that off either - obviously the 14yo isnt claiming taxes or income , and ofcourse, this is our year to claim her
THEN HE DOESNT HAVE TO PAY!!!!!! He is entitled to her social security number so he can claim the childcare on his taxes.
My DH is has been in the same position. The Exs sister watches the kids. He will gladly pay for 1/2 of childcare when she gives him her sisters social security # so he can claim childcare on our taxes...surprisingly she has never done so in 4 years...
Personally I would let her take him back to court over the matter. Additionally after this year childcare should be stopping any way...she's in 6th grade isnt she???? Let her take him to court over it...she's LYING...
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| Posted 9/15/08 9:03 AM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by hbugal
Posted by Bops
Posted by nrthshgrl
Not a stepparent here but you can write off childcare for your child if he's paying 1/2, no?
I would ask for the social security # as you'll need it when you file your taxes.
Posted by hbugal
Depending upon how the papers are written it might matter where she is in childcare....
BUT...
If she is paying someone to watch her DH needs to be supplied with that persons Social Security # and then proof that that person is claiming the money....just copy of a check, whether it be cancelled, cashed, etc...is not enough to substantiate childcare.
So in answer to your question NO it's not "legal"
ITA
Good luck!
Yes, when my SD was in the
after school childcare program- on the years we claim her , we were able to write off our 1/2 of childcare...Now she's being watched by her 14 year old sister- so now we lose again- can't write that off either - obviously the 14yo isnt claiming taxes or income , and ofcourse, this is our year to claim her
THEN HE DOESNT HAVE TO PAY!!!!!! He is entitled to her social security number so he can claim the childcare on his taxes.
My DH is has been in the same position. The Exs sister watches the kids. He will gladly pay for 1/2 of childcare when she gives him her sisters social security # so he can claim childcare on our taxes...surprisingly she has never done so in 4 years...
Personally I would let her take him back to court over the matter. Additionally after this year childcare should be stopping any way...she's in 6th grade isnt she???? Let her take him to court over it...she's LYING...
Unfortunately, what people don't realize is that sometime's it's easier just to pay the 1/2 of the childcare than to go back to court. By the time you take time off of work and pay Attorney's, it costs THOUSANDS of dollars
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| Posted 9/15/08 9:12 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by hbugal
Posted by Bops
Posted by nrthshgrl
Not a stepparent here but you can write off childcare for your child if he's paying 1/2, no?
I would ask for the social security # as you'll need it when you file your taxes.
Posted by hbugal
Depending upon how the papers are written it might matter where she is in childcare....
BUT...
If she is paying someone to watch her DH needs to be supplied with that persons Social Security # and then proof that that person is claiming the money....just copy of a check, whether it be cancelled, cashed, etc...is not enough to substantiate childcare.
So in answer to your question NO it's not "legal"
ITA
Good luck!
Yes, when my SD was in the
after school childcare program- on the years we claim her , we were able to write off our 1/2 of childcare...Now she's being watched by her 14 year old sister- so now we lose again- can't write that off either - obviously the 14yo isnt claiming taxes or income , and ofcourse, this is our year to claim her
THEN HE DOESNT HAVE TO PAY!!!!!! He is entitled to her social security number so he can claim the childcare on his taxes.
My DH is has been in the same position. The Exs sister watches the kids. He will gladly pay for 1/2 of childcare when she gives him her sisters social security # so he can claim childcare on our taxes...surprisingly she has never done so in 4 years...
Personally I would let her take him back to court over the matter. Additionally after this year childcare should be stopping any way...she's in 6th grade isnt she???? Let her take him to court over it...she's LYING...
I'm sure we will end up back in court as soon as I have the baby- thats when it all started to hit the fan again last time (when my DS was born)...My SD is in 5th grade now- Out of curiosity, is there an "age" that childcare is no longer mandated to be payed ? I was BABYSITTING for others at 11yo (different time era- but you catch what I'm saying)...My DH is very non-confrontational- sometimes I agree with him, others I don't - But he knows how she operates,- its almost as if she has this magic # in her head ($$$) and she'll get it one way or another...Our biggest beef with this is that I can just about bet my arm, the sister is not getting a dime for watching my SD- and she gets away with it- I know my DH, he won't bring her to court- but if she takes him for something assinine , he'll bring it up then...The last time he brought her to court was because , I offered to watch my SD over the summer (I am a licensed NYS daycare provider for over 6 years- but was on maternity leave) and BM refused and put her in achildcare program which again we had to pay 1/2 for.....And get this - the judge (magistrate) said
" Although it would be in both of your best interests financially, I cannot force Miss "C" to send her to a daycare she does not wish to send her to"....Needless to say, the judge never looked at her the same afterwards because i think she got her number (just wanting to cause trouble)...Meanwhile i have been in my SD life since she was 4 months old and married to DH for almost 8 years - Anyway, this is one of the reasons why my DH is so hesitant to go to court- (and after that case, my SD never came back for visitaion )
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| Posted 9/15/08 9:22 AM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by AnaMaree77
Posted by hbugal
Posted by Bops
Posted by nrthshgrl
Not a stepparent here but you can write off childcare for your child if he's paying 1/2, no?
I would ask for the social security # as you'll need it when you file your taxes.
Posted by hbugal
Depending upon how the papers are written it might matter where she is in childcare....
BUT...
If she is paying someone to watch her DH needs to be supplied with that persons Social Security # and then proof that that person is claiming the money....just copy of a check, whether it be cancelled, cashed, etc...is not enough to substantiate childcare.
So in answer to your question NO it's not "legal"
ITA
Good luck!
Yes, when my SD was in the
after school childcare program- on the years we claim her , we were able to write off our 1/2 of childcare...Now she's being watched by her 14 year old sister- so now we lose again- can't write that off either - obviously the 14yo isnt claiming taxes or income , and ofcourse, this is our year to claim her
THEN HE DOESNT HAVE TO PAY!!!!!! He is entitled to her social security number so he can claim the childcare on his taxes.
My DH is has been in the same position. The Exs sister watches the kids. He will gladly pay for 1/2 of childcare when she gives him her sisters social security # so he can claim childcare on our taxes...surprisingly she has never done so in 4 years...
Personally I would let her take him back to court over the matter. Additionally after this year childcare should be stopping any way...she's in 6th grade isnt she???? Let her take him to court over it...she's LYING...
Unfortunately, what people don't realize is that sometime's it's easier just to pay the 1/2 of the childcare than to go back to court. By the time you take time off of work and pay Attorney's, it costs THOUSANDS of dollars
Oh I do realize it!!!!! But there comes a time when the taking advantage of has to end....usually when they are LYING things change rather quickly...she'll probably put DD back in aftercare before she lets him stop paying but at least that way he'll know what he's paying is legit and he gets the write off.
If she consults with an attorney on the matter an attorney is going to tell her the same exact thing.....
Let her take him to court....I doubt in this circumstance she will.
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| Posted 9/15/08 9:24 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by Bops
Posted by nrthshgrl
Not a stepparent here but you can write off childcare for your child if he's paying 1/2, no?
I would ask for the social security # as you'll need it when you file your taxes.
Yes, when my SD was in the
after school childcare program- on the years we claim her , we were able to write off our 1/2 of childcare...Now she's being watched by her 14 year old sister- so now we lose again- can't write that off either - obviously the 14yo isnt claiming taxes or income , and ofcourse, this is our year to claim her
I guess that was my point. You are legally entitled to write off daycare. They are required by law to give you a tax id or social security #. Whether they claim the income or not is not your concern (unless the 14 year old is DH's dd). If they are getting income they aren't paying taxes on, they will have to answer to the IRS. Legally, you have to claim income - even at 14 years old.
Tell her you need the 14 year old's ss# as you will need it for tax purposes. That way you have the backup. If she refuses to give it, then do NOT pay. If you communicate via email, do it that way, not verbally.
Bet she's going to put her back in daycare after that.
I have to say since this board went up, you can truly see there are 2 sides to every story - and the one that rarely gets heard is the stepparents.
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| Posted 9/15/08 10:13 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Thanks everyone- Just wanted to make sure we weren't crazy and this is totally absurd....Its such a double edge sword with this whole situation- In a heartbeat we would go back to court and fight for whats legally right- The problem lies where as soon as my DH walks out the door of that court-room- thats when she'll stir up something else, just out of pure spite- Like I said, she plays games with receipts, certain things can't be proved but we know what she does and thats whats frusturating....I just wish, at the very least, the judge would tell her we need a cancelled check as proof- For all we know, she has an old checkbook that she writes out checks on , copies the front and gives it to my DH to pay !!!!! Could you imagine telling LIPA - "Yeah we payed you- look heres a copy of the check i wrote you" and them taking that as proof !!!!!
So I guess we will wait for the next bomb to drop (like I said, its been quiet a while, she'll wait till our DC gets here) and then we'll get this addressed...I know my DH, and he won't persue court, because he's afraid of her (plain and simple)
The one and only thing she took away that my DH can't get back (at least now anyway) is the relationship he had w/ my SD and thats whats sad about the whole situation- we pay a whole lot of $ for a child that was basically ripped out of our life at 8 years old- Yes, he could go to court and fight for visitation back- and the judge could order it but unfortunately we all know- thats means nothing when the emotional damage is done 
Message edited 9/15/2008 11:18:57 AM.
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| Posted 9/15/08 11:16 AM |
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Does anyone know if this is even legal ???
Posted by Bops
Thanks everyone- Just wanted to make sure we weren't crazy and this is totally absurd....Its such a double edge sword with this whole situation- In a heartbeat we would go back to court and fight for whats legally right- The problem lies where as soon as my DH walks out the door of that court-room- thats when she'll stir up something else, just out of pure spite- Like I said, she plays games with receipts, certain things can't be proved but we know what she does and thats whats frusturating....I just wish, at the very least, the judge would tell her we need a cancelled check as proof- For all we know, she has an old checkbook that she writes out checks on , copies the front and gives it to my DH to pay !!!!! Could you imagine telling LIPA - "Yeah we payed you- look heres a copy of the check i wrote you" and them taking that as proof !!!!!
So I guess we will wait for the next bomb to drop (like I said, its been quiet a while, she'll wait till our DC gets here) and then we'll get this addressed...I know my DH, and he won't persue court, because he's afraid of her (plain and simple)
The one and only thing she took away that my DH can't get back (at least now anyway) is the relationship he had w/ my SD and thats whats sad about the whole situation- we pay a whole lot of $ for a child that was basically ripped out of our life at 8 years old- Yes, he could go to court and fight for visitation back- and the judge could order it but unfortunately we all know- thats means nothing when the emotional damage is done
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| Posted 9/16/08 3:36 PM |
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