Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?

I'm having a problem over here. Yael is so petite and cute, that everyone caters to her every little whim, and she is becoming a bit of a... um... well... a BRAT!!!

So I've been attempting to discipline her when she veers off track by hitting me, or Alex, spitting in my face (yes, she actually SPITS IN MY FACE when I tell her no) or does something she isn't supposed to do. I usually say very sternly and loudly NO, put her down and walk away, at which point, she starts to cry hysterically.

Now, the only way this will work is if I don't respond to the crying. The problem is, however, that, when I do this, it deeply disturbs Alex, who then starts crying as well, demanding that I pick up Yael, telling me I can't let my baby cry, and that I'm her mommy and this is part of being a mommy and that I need to take care of Yael.

I've tried to explain to Alex numerous times that it is very important that we teach things to Yael, including the rules, and that the only way she'll become a good person is if we teach her how to be a good person, which includes discipline. But, it's not getting through, and what usually ends up happening is that, while I ignore Yael, Alex will run into the other room, give Yael her bear, her paci and cuddle her until she stops crying. Which, of course, is only exacerbating the bratty attitude.

Any advice???

Re: Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?

yes. well, in the sense that *I* did it to my mother. my situation was a little different, but I HATED seeing my siblings cry and always tried to stop it prevent it.

my mother called my Sarah Bernhardt, or just Sarah for short b/c I would get so hysterical . it never stopped my parents from doing what they needed to do, and actually they started punishing me for it (giving me something to cry about )

but I have seen it with every older sibling/younger combo in other ways. if they don't feel badly for little sib, they are doing the disciplining!!

it will be a constant battle for you Beth, me thinks. good luck. just keep explaining to Alex that it's Yael's misbehaving that is causing her to cry, not you being mommy!

Re: Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?

Tell Alex that if she continues to do that she will be put in time out or however it is you discipline her. Alex is breaking the rules by going against what you are doing with your other daughter so she has to be disciplined for that. Everytime one of mine gets involved when we are dealing with ther other they are given a warning to stop being the peanut gallery or they will go to time out. Usually works since they know we will put them into time out.

Re: Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?

My middle one does this all the time with the youngest. At first i thought it was cute, but then it got to the point of where you are. We tried time out didn't really work.

We got our middle DD a baby doll that cries and needs constant attention if you move or touch her.(mind you the doll is sooo annoying to me) but when she's interfering with me and my LO i ask her to go take care of her baby and she does that instead of tending to her sister.

Re: Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?

My DS does this and will also step in and try and discipline DD as well. When he steps in I tell him he needs to mind his business. When he gets upset I tell him why DD is getting reprimanded.
Ironically (I guess), if DD is really upset and will not stop crying even after I take her out of her room the only one who CAN calm her down is DS.

Re: Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?

My boys are 22 mos apart and they actually will get involved when the other is being disciplined. If it's Benjamin who is in trouble, and say put in time-out, Ethan will go and sit with him. If it's my little "angel" Ethan (who sounds very much like your Yael behavior-wise), Benjamin will tell me to not be mean to his brother and will truly get mad when his brother cries.

Unfortunately I have no advice beyond when you've already tried as we've tried the same things. Just know you're not alone on this one!

Re: Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?

Re: Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?

I know this isn't going to help you Beth but I have the opposite problem, when I am giving Luca a time out, Izzie will crawl over to Luca and laugh at him while he is crying

Sorry I have no advice, I do think that you might have to discipline her as well though.

Re: Does anyone's oldest child interfere with disciplining the youngest?