LIFamilies.com - Long Island, NY


RSS
Articles Business Directory Blog Real Estate Community Forum Shop My Family Contests

Log In Chat Index Search Rules Lingo Create Account

Quick navigation:   

Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted By Message

Lina027
LIF Infant

Member since 8/10

331 total posts

Name:
Lina

Engagement Party Etiquette?

There was an engagement party for a cousin but only close friends and very close family were invited (we just found out through the grape vine!)..so we were left out. What is the proper etiquette for this? Should we mail a gift or money? I heard a few cousins who were not invited either mailed a check..

Posted 3/1/11 8:17 PM
 
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource

MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!

Member since 8/07

8806 total posts

Name:

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

It depends. If you're close to them and would like to send them a gift, I definitely would. If you'd prefer not to, I don't think it's inconsiderate since you were not invited.

Posted 3/1/11 8:20 PM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

I wouldn't mail them a check.

The most I would do is a card congratulating them (maybe) and a picture frame or something small.

Posted 3/1/11 8:23 PM
 

HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron

Member since 4/07

9091 total posts

Name:
baby fish mouth

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by nrthshgrl

I wouldn't mail them a check.

The most I would do is a card congratulating them (maybe) and a picture frame or something small.



agreed.

Posted 3/1/11 8:25 PM
 

DiamondGirl
You are my I love you

Member since 7/09

18802 total posts

Name:
DiamondMama

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by nrthshgrl

I wouldn't mail them a check.

The most I would do is a card congratulating them (maybe) and a picture frame or something small.


agreed

Posted 3/1/11 8:30 PM
 

Lina027
LIF Infant

Member since 8/10

331 total posts

Name:
Lina

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

They invited us to the rehearsal dinner and wedding/reception and he is fairly close to my DH (which surprised us).. I guess we will mail something moderate.. not too small or big.

Posted 3/1/11 8:30 PM
 

MrsKS
Thank You St. Gerard.....

Member since 12/09

8306 total posts

Name:
Kerri

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

If you want to send something that would be a nice gesture.

some e parties are small because they have to be.

Honestly... my e party was small. it was 50 people.. which sounds like a lot... BUT DH's IMMEDIATE family is about 20 people, my bridal party was another 20 people and then my immediate family. NO cousins or other close friends could have been invited at all. Someone was throwing us the eparty and we had to oblige by what they said. That person also believed the purpose of the eparty to be for the families to meet and the bridal party to get acquainted with everyone.

Anyway... if you want to send a gift, i would mail a check. It seems like you want to give them cash.... so just mail them a check in a card. If you want to send a present type of gift then that could also be sent to them.

Again, I think it's a really nice gesture to send them a gift. I know all the $ we received from the engagement went towards our wedding fund and really helped us out a lot!!!!

ETA: I wouldn't take not being invited personally. If people weren't invited there's usually a reason and I don't think it has anything to do with you personally.... but more of a behind the scenes thing.

Message edited 3/1/2011 8:37:47 PM.

Posted 3/1/11 8:35 PM
 

Lina027
LIF Infant

Member since 8/10

331 total posts

Name:
Lina

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

I think I would be more offended if the other cousins were invited and not us. We are related to the groom and I think the bride just took charge of all the inviting, ect. They are beyond rich so I know Chat Icon had little to do with it..i just think she wanted it very intimate. We are sending a check tomorrow, thanks everyone Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 3/1/11 8:44 PM
 

JandJ1224

Member since 6/06

5911 total posts

Name:
Jannette

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

nothing

Posted 3/1/11 8:45 PM
 

lullabella
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

2246 total posts

Name:

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

If a close friend or family member gets engaged I always send a card and a gift regardless of whether they are having a party.. so yes I would send something.

Posted 3/1/11 9:03 PM
 

MrsKS
Thank You St. Gerard.....

Member since 12/09

8306 total posts

Name:
Kerri

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by Lina027

I think I would be more offended if the other cousins were invited and not us. We are related to the groom and I think the bride just took charge of all the inviting, ect. They are beyond rich so I know Chat Icon had little to do with it..i just think she wanted it very intimate. We are sending a check tomorrow, thanks everyone Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon



DH and I both had cousins that weren't invited to our e party. (NO cousins were invited actually.)
My cousins didn't care. BUT DH's cousins were all ticked off about it. They blamed me for it.
It really had nothing at all to do with me... my grandmother threw it for us and she was VERY strict and demanding about things. It was such a stressful time having to deal with her that it literally drove me to drink so much at the eparty that I got loaded.
I even had to cut out very close friends that weren't in the BP just because of the strict 50 person limitations.

I could see her wanting it to be intimate too. That makes sense.
And you are right... if let's say ALL the cousins were invited EXCEPT you guys that would be wrong.

Posted 3/1/11 9:08 PM
 

1stimemom
Love my boys

Member since 2/08

8766 total posts

Name:
Mrs Dee

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by HeathKernandez

Posted by nrthshgrl

I wouldn't mail them a check.

The most I would do is a card congratulating them (maybe) and a picture frame or something small.



agreed.



Same here.

Posted 3/1/11 9:14 PM
 

Lina027
LIF Infant

Member since 8/10

331 total posts

Name:
Lina

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by MrsKS

Posted by Lina027

I think I would be more offended if the other cousins were invited and not us. We are related to the groom and I think the bride just took charge of all the inviting, ect. They are beyond rich so I know Chat Icon had little to do with it..i just think she wanted it very intimate. We are sending a check tomorrow, thanks everyone Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon



DH and I both had cousins that weren't invited to our e party. (NO cousins were invited actually.)
My cousins didn't care. BUT DH's cousins were all ticked off about it. They blamed me for it.
It really had nothing at all to do with me... my grandmother threw it for us and she was VERY strict and demanding about things. It was such a stressful time having to deal with her that it literally drove me to drink so much at the eparty that I got loaded.
I even had to cut out very close friends that weren't in the BP just because of the strict 50 person limitations.

I could see her wanting it to be intimate too. That makes sense.
And you are right... if let's say ALL the cousins were invited EXCEPT you guys that would be wrong.



Thanks, good perspective on it Chat Icon

Posted 3/1/11 9:23 PM
 

christinec2010
LIF Adolescent

Member since 10/09

637 total posts

Name:
Christine

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Whenever any of my friends or family members get engaged I always send a congratulations card, its just my thing. I personally do not like engagement parties. I do not see a need for them so if I was not invited I wouldn't care.

In your case I think you should send a congratulations cards but you should not send a gift, there is no need to.

What confuses me is, why you are invited to the rehearsal dinner. Only those participating in the wedding ceremony (bridal party, readers, etc.) should be at the rehearsal. That seems a little odd to me.

Posted 3/2/11 9:08 AM
 

neener1211
:-)

Member since 4/07

22952 total posts

Name:
J

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

nada

Posted 3/2/11 9:17 AM
 

jilliibabii
Mrs. O'Connor

Member since 6/10

12821 total posts

Name:
Jillian

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

I would absolutely not mail a gift, maybe a card or phone call saying congrats but no gift from me.

Posted 3/2/11 9:36 AM
 

browneyes
All moms are working mothers!

Member since 8/08

4311 total posts

Name:
Super Mom

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

nope u werent invited then u dont need to send a gift. IMO

Posted 3/2/11 9:38 AM
 

Finally1108
My two boys

Member since 12/08

3541 total posts

Name:
Angela

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by nrthshgrl

I wouldn't mail them a check.

The most I would do is a card congratulating them (maybe) and a picture frame or something small.



I agree

Posted 3/2/11 9:39 AM
 

caps612
In love with my little guys!!

Member since 8/10

5108 total posts

Name:

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

i wouldn't send them a check. Honestly, I only give engagement gifts if I am invited to a party or if someone does not have a party and we are very close with them.

We had a small backyard party with immediate family and bridal party (we invited them to ask them that day) and some other close friends whose parties we had just been invited to. We just wanted to celebrate, it was not to get gifts and we told people that (of course no one listened). I think all the parties surrounding weddings can become a bit much so we really didn't want to put people in the position to have to give us more gifts.

Posted 3/2/11 9:43 AM
 

BeachMom
Love my 4 kiddos!

Member since 11/08

8346 total posts

Name:
Kristie

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

if you weren't invited i wouldn't mail a check. Maybe a card saying congrats!

Posted 3/2/11 9:46 AM
 

have2hide
LIF Adolescent

Member since 1/11

555 total posts

Name:

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Would you have sent a gift or check for their engagement if there was no party, just based on your relationship with them? I'd go by that.

Nobody in my family has engagement parties, so we just give gifts based on our relationship (and whether we like them or not Chat Icon )

Message edited 3/2/2011 9:47:17 AM.

Posted 3/2/11 9:46 AM
 

RocPin
Life's Beachy <3

Member since 2/08

6765 total posts

Name:
Heather

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by nrthshgrl

I wouldn't mail them a check.

The most I would do is a card congratulating them (maybe) and a picture frame or something small.



ITA 100%

Posted 3/2/11 10:05 AM
 

AngnShaun
Sisters

Member since 1/10

21015 total posts

Name:
Ang

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by MrsKS

If you want to send something that would be a nice gesture.

some e parties are small because they have to be.

Honestly... my e party was small. it was 50 people.. which sounds like a lot... BUT DH's IMMEDIATE family is about 20 people, my bridal party was another 20 people and then my immediate family. NO cousins or other close friends could have been invited at all. Someone was throwing us the eparty and we had to oblige by what they said. That person also believed the purpose of the eparty to be for the families to meet and the bridal party to get acquainted with everyone.

Anyway... if you want to send a gift, i would mail a check. It seems like you want to give them cash.... so just mail them a check in a card. If you want to send a present type of gift then that could also be sent to them.

Again, I think it's a really nice gesture to send them a gift. I know all the $ we received from the engagement went towards our wedding fund and really helped us out a lot!!!!

ETA: I wouldn't take not being invited personally. If people weren't invited there's usually a reason and I don't think it has anything to do with you personally.... but more of a behind the scenes thing.



ITA... i would send cash if you have it... its much more appreciated than a picture frame...

Posted 3/2/11 10:08 AM
 

MrsFrizzle
<3

Member since 9/09

4628 total posts

Name:
Kristin

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by nrthshgrl

I wouldn't mail them a check.

The most I would do is a card congratulating them (maybe) and a picture frame or something small.



I agree.

Posted 3/2/11 10:11 AM
 

Lina027
LIF Infant

Member since 8/10

331 total posts

Name:
Lina

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by christinec2010

Whenever any of my friends or family members get engaged I always send a congratulations card, its just my thing. I personally do not like engagement parties. I do not see a need for them so if I was not invited I wouldn't care.

In your case I think you should send a congratulations cards but you should not send a gift, there is no need to.

What confuses me is, why you are invited to the rehearsal dinner. Only those participating in the wedding ceremony (bridal party, readers, etc.) should be at the rehearsal. That seems a little odd to me.



Exactly!!! lol This is why we are confused too.. I have no clue how that happened but just got the invitation to both in the mail the other day. Strange.

Posted 3/2/11 7:53 PM
 
 

Potentially Related Topics:

Topic Posted By Started Replies Forum
Invited to Engagement Party and Not Wedding? Ali1 5/2/07 15 Families Helping Families ™
Engagement party gift cj7305 3/8/07 8 Families Helping Families ™
Engagement Party Gift MrsDiamondgrlie 9/28/06 15 Families Helping Families ™
Engagement party spinoff MABLE03 8/14/06 28 Families Helping Families ™
Engagement party gift question MABLE03 8/14/06 4 Families Helping Families ™
Engagement party - how much to give? Shoppie 7/20/06 4 Families Helping Families ™
 
Quick navigation:   
Currently 361121 users on the LIFamilies.com Chat
New Businesses
1 More Rep
Carleton Hall of East Islip
J&A Building Services
LaraMae Health Coaching
Sonic Wellness
Julbaby Photography LLC
Ideal Uniforms
Teresa Geraghty Photography
Camelot Dream Homes
Long Island Wedding Boutique
MB Febus- Rodan & Fields
Camp Harbor
Market America-Shop.com
ACM Basement Waterproofing
Travel Tom

      Follow LIWeddings on Facebook

      Follow LIFamilies on Twitter
Long Island Bridal Shows