Feel bad about how I answered another child

We were in the play area at the mall the other day. My DD, who does not speak, was very excited to be running around and playing. There was a lot of noise in the mall. She was vocalizing, in her own way, which is a lot of "Ah...Ah...Ah" sounds. She was just as loud as the other kids, but because it wasn't words, she stood out. To her, it WAS words. So another boy, maybe 6 or 7 year old, came up to me and asked if she was my baby. I said, "yes, she is". He then said, "do you have to listen to that noise all day long?" {Can you imagine???} I was so hurt, angry and I guess a little embarassed, so I said back to him, "Are you always so fresh?" He then said, "No." So I said, "then walk away from me right now."

I know it was not my best moment, and that I should have taken that opportunity to educate him on the fact that she has a disability, and this is how she talks because she can't make words right now. But I was just taken so off guard that all I could do was get defensive.

Feel bad about how I answered another child

Kids are kids and they learn from their parents.
I have the same problem with DS. He is 2 but has no words yet. This past weekend an adult was talking to him like he was an "idiot" and I wanted to smack her. Finally I was like he understands you, he just doesn't talk, so don't expect a yes or no from him. I hated the way it made me feel.

Message edited 9/5/2013 12:00:47 PM.

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

I don't think your response was that bad. A child recently told me that my DS (3.5) talked like a baby. My response to these things is hit or miss depending on what is going on in my day/life at that time.

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

Don't feel bad. I have said worse.....do I have regrets, yes and no, but I always feel like I have to protect my boy, because who will. I know some kids just don't get it or understand, but Chris has has some comments that were just cruel for a kid to say.

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

Do not feel bad! He is a kid, but his remark was insensitive and unnecessary!

I was born missing my right ear. Before my hair grew in, my Mom got a lot of stares when she was out and about with me. Kids and adults made nosy and rude remarks.

Some of her responses matched the rudeness.

Sometimes she felt badly afterwards. But I was her child, so it is the protective instinct kicking in. Do not be hard on yourself!!!

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

Don't feel bad at all.. I say that to other kids when they are being fresh or rude... My son had a severe speech delay and was constantly being picked on by older kids when we were out. I would tell that other child that he doesn't talk like others. If they kept bothering him, I had NO problem telling that child they are fresh! Almost every kids knows what that means..

I am the mom who has no problem telling a child they are mean when they are being mean!!! They don't like it most of the time and back off.

You do what you have to do for your child...

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

It sounds like the boy who said this was very young though and may not have been exposed to this kind of situation.

It does sound like you were taken off guard.

It would probably be a good learning experience though for next time, so you can be more prepared with a response.

I think it would be worse though if it was a teenager who said this, or like another poster mentioned----an adult.

As a rule though, I think older kids by nature can be mean to younger kids. DS is an only child and just wants to find a friend in the worst way. Every time we go to a place where there are older kids around (he's going to be 5 in December), it seems like the bigger kids do what they can to run away from him. And his issues are not as apparent IMO.

It's very sad.

Message edited 9/6/2013 5:31:47 AM.

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

Feel bad about how I answered another child

As pp states I have issues with my DD as well and the kids on the playground just run away or tell her not to play with them. It's all because she just doesn't understand what they are doing and once she gets "taught" how they are playing, she's fine. If I see this happening or if a kid comes up to me and says something about my child I never tell them to stop being mean or fresh. They just do not understand because DD is different. I just explain to them that she learns a little slower etc. and that she just wants to play with them. I then tell them it would be really nice if they could help her out and 99% of the time the kids come around and "teach" her game (hide and seek, tag, duck duck goose) once they know she isn't just "weird". Kids do not understand what it means to be speech delayed or autistic. The more you teach them the more understanding they will be...hopefully.

It does break my heart though that she is made fun of and not immediately accepted and sometimes not accepted at all but that is our reality and anyway I can try to make it better and to promote understanding I do.

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

Posted by Domino

Posted by MorningCuppaCoffee



As a rule though, I think older kids by nature can be mean to younger kids. DS is an only child and just wants to find a friend in the worst way. Every time we go to a place where there are older kids around (he's going to be 5 in December), it seems like the bigger kids do what they can to run away from him. And his issues are not as apparent IMO.

It's very sad.

This is my son to a "T". The other day, the older kids at the playground thought "Runaway from Psycho Monster Baby" was the most hilarious game ever

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

Been there in my particular situation I was so angry at the child at the second he said something really nasty to DC but when I really thought about it I knew how his mom is and how nasty she could be to people that I saw why this child is acting the way he does. I think a lot of the times kids repeat/do what they hear and see.

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

I think your response was appropriate. Child or not, it was RUDE and unnecessary. What nerve. I probably would have done the same as I feel some children don't care if you try to explain rationales to them anyway. Too many are just rude b/c their parents don't teach them otherwise. I feel sometimes they actually learn better being put in their place. JMO anyway

Message edited 9/8/2013 11:50:48 PM.

Feel bad about how I answered another child

I have a 2.5 year old with no words/very few words. Didnt qualify for speech - understood everything. Will have to be evaluated again if words don't come soon. Makes sounds like you describe allllll day long. I also have an almost 6 year old.

I don't think the boy was being rude or insensitive. I don't think they even know how to go about intending to be that way, ya know? From how you stated it (and I wasn't there) it sounded like he was curious and it was an honest kid question. Something my oldest may innocently ask (but wouldn't because he's growing up listening to his little brother make noises).

But I'm sorry you felt bad. I've been there - with grown ups. It hurts. Next time take a deep breath before responding - for your own sake. And if its a kid that's asking, the best thing to do is educate him or her. Even though its not your job, and you shouldn't have to - it will be for the greater good and will have more of an impact than responding back in an aggravated manner (but not judging you. We all have our moments and we are all human).

Hugs to you.

Message edited 9/9/2013 1:13:42 AM.

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child

Re: Feel bad about how I answered another child